Stopped talking to a girl with no explanation. Feeling bad about it.

If anything, I think people should be asking you for advice. That sounds like the most uneventful breakup ever. Well played.

Excellent work, Casper.

Lenny Leonard wrote:

If anything, I think people should be asking you for advice. That sounds like the most uneventful breakup ever. Well played.

This.

How had she been trying to change you?

Why was the relationship emotionally exhausting for you?

Since no communication for 3 months, how do you know she still wants to see you?

My feeling about this is that you've been very judgemental. Just because she didn't say she wanted to get married and have kids and a family right away, you totally wrote her off, which in my opinion is stupid.

I met a woman in my 20's and liked her as a friend, but never intended to have a long term relationship with her. She became the most important person in my life and we were together for 40 years before she passed away.

The bottom line is that if you like this woman, and you already said you love her, and like spending time with her, then go ahead and spend time with her. Perhaps her perspective is more mature and realistic than yours, because you're trying to judge and determine the future from snap instant judgements now, rather than living and being happy in the present and creating your future from this.

You think you already know everything about life, but you don't.

That's nice, Did she not believe in monogamy and being exclusive too?

It kinda sounds like you became a chick.

Like the OP said wrote:

That's nice, Did she not believe in monogamy and being exclusive too?

She probably did, but I was not prepared for either of those at the time.

The relationship just evolved on it's own.

youraheronotanahole wrote:

Lenny Leonard wrote:

If anything, I think people should be asking you for advice. That sounds like the most uneventful breakup ever. Well played.

This.

I can't tell if you guys are serious or not. Even though breaking up with someone is uncomfortable, it's generally necessary and decent to tell the person that's what's happening and explain why. Just disappearing is never a good thing. The example in my op is a little different though because we were never "official," and she said herself we were not "in a relationship," but it definitely was like we were, regardless of what either of us wanted to call it or not call it.

I can't help but notice that you didn't mention sex or attraction at all. The whole thing sounds like it could have been between two heterosexual guys. My guess is the sex wasn't that good for her.

zero T wrote:

I can't help but notice that you didn't mention sex or attraction at all. The whole thing sounds like it could have been between two heterosexual guys. My guess is the sex wasn't that good for her.

The sex was terrible, both for her and for me. Some of the worst sex I've ever had, actually. It was an anatomical thing. But yeah, that was a big part of it. Even though she was great, probably the best girl I've ever dated, I wasn't really that physically attracted to her. I can't really put my finger on why. I just wasn't.

yirp wrote:

The sex was terrible, both for her and for me. Some of the worst sex I've ever had, actually. It was an anatomical thing. But yeah, that was a big part of it. Even though she was great, probably the best girl I've ever dated, I wasn't really that physically attracted to her. I can't really put my finger on why. I just wasn't.

It was an anatomical thing? What? And what do you mean she was the best girl you ever dated if the sex was terrible and you hardly ever talked? Is this a troll?

Female perspective here: you both were looking for different things and the sex was horrible. Case closed. You didn't mention (or did you?) if she tried to contact you and you didn't respond. In any case, you sent a message and I'm sure she got it loud and clear. Don't muddy the waters by contacting her now.

zero T wrote:

yirp wrote:

The sex was terrible, both for her and for me. Some of the worst sex I've ever had, actually. It was an anatomical thing. But yeah, that was a big part of it. Even though she was great, probably the best girl I've ever dated, I wasn't really that physically attracted to her. I can't really put my finger on why. I just wasn't.

It was an anatomical thing? What? And what do you mean she was the best girl you ever dated if the sex was terrible and you hardly ever talked? Is this a troll?

Uh, I didn't "fit" inside very well, which made things difficult.

Dating is not just sex. Have you ever gone out with a girl?

I never said we hardly ever talked. Can you read?

Was se cute? Give me her phone #, i'll make sure she doesn't remember you at all if you want to

yirp wrote:

zero T wrote:

It was an anatomical thing? What? And what do you mean she was the best girl you ever dated if the sex was terrible and you hardly ever talked? Is this a troll?

Uh, I didn't "fit" inside very well, which made things difficult.

Dating is not just sex. Have you ever gone out with a girl?

I never said we hardly ever talked. Can you read?

Throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

Sorry, buddy.

runner- chick wrote:

Female perspective here: you both were looking for different things and the sex was horrible. Case closed. You didn't mention (or did you?) if she tried to contact you and you didn't respond. In any case, you sent a message and I'm sure she got it loud and clear. Don't muddy the waters by contacting her now.

Thanks. Nope. She never messaged me. But it was definitely on me to contact her when I got back, and I never did. She had always been the one to contact me before, but we had a few things happen before I went on vacation that made it clear she was contacting me too much and that I wanted to have a bit more say in the relationship... I know, it's not really that clear what I'm saying here, but trust me, it was definitely on me to tell her when I got back, and I didn't. She got the message sure, but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad.

What you guys seem to be missing is the depth of the connection. We didn't just drink a few beers together and watch a few movies. We're both very unusual people yet similar to each other in that sort of almost supernatural way, and I talked about things with her that I don't talk about with anyone. She's probably in the top 5 people I've ever met in my life, including my own family. Even if I don't want to date her any more, it seems tragic to cut all ties, especially when we live in the same area and will undoubtedly bump into each other now and again. I want to ask her to dinner just to talk and make sure we're cool so it's not weird when I run into her at a concert or something.

yirp wrote:

zero T wrote:

It was an anatomical thing? What? And what do you mean she was the best girl you ever dated if the sex was terrible and you hardly ever talked? Is this a troll?

Uh, I didn't "fit" inside very well, which made things difficult.

Dating is not just sex. Have you ever gone out with a girl?

I never said we hardly ever talked. Can you read?

Banana shaped?

Why not tell her this? It's the honest truth and it's understandable (though still upsetting). If you're likely to see her again, putting this out there now will seriously help you avoid crazy awkward encounters in the future.

Worst case: it doesn't help, but you'll be in no worse a position. Best case: perhaps your relationship returns in the form of a meaningful friendship. It sounds like that's what it was meant to be to begin with.

I'm just another guy on the Internet, but it doesn't sound like you have much to lose. If I was in her shoes, I'd rather hear this than whatever possibilities I've created only own head.

Tell her this? wrote:

Why not tell her this? It's the honest truth and it's understandable (though still upsetting). If you're likely to see her again, putting this out there now will seriously help you avoid crazy awkward encounters in the future.

Worst case: it doesn't help, but you'll be in no worse a position. Best case: perhaps your relationship returns in the form of a meaningful friendship. It sounds like that's what it was meant to be to begin with.

I'm just another guy on the Internet, but it doesn't sound like you have much to lose. If I was in her shoes, I'd rather hear this than whatever possibilities I've created only own head.

Yeah, man. This is exactly what I'm thinking. Funny thing is, (not that I put much into this sort of thing) we both took the Myer's-Brigg's test and our types supposedly make great platonic friends. That's how I felt almost all along. That's partly why the sex was so bad. It was just weird to try to have a sexual relationship with someone I was such good friends with. She maintained all along that she was very sexually attracted to me, even to the point where I felt like she was using me for sex at times, which kind of turned me off since that's not how I viewed the relationship.