Did anyone here grow up with a psychopath in the family?

Don't know if you are a girl but many guys face severe.bullying__physical and verbal. Domestic abuse resources abound for women--and keep them handy ladies! But for men, the realities just suck. There are indeed true psychopaths in our country, exacerbated by monster bravado and all sorts of unhealthy accepted social attitudes and activity. Obscured by the psychiatric witch hunt to label nonviolent olitical activists and intellectuals as all numbers of crazy. Obscured by the disdain for philosophy, virtue, art, religions and spiritualism in popular culture.

Seek outside help of all kinds and seek wisdom, goodness and be cautious. That's why advice (if you are an adult. If you're a teenager, head over to dyestat this is rated.mature)

Pick up a copy of this: http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/0767915828

"but there are certain times or specific scenarios that cause me pretty extreme internal distress"

Are you comfortable sharing an example(s)?

It is interesting that you posted this today, as I just got off the phone with my wife and her parents are having to deal with her aunt right now. While I am not sure her aunt would be classified as a psychopath, she is definitely schizophrenic and has a host of other mental issues. She was a normal woman with a husband, an advanced degree and was a college professor. One day she decided to leave her husband for an older woman (former nun) and move to Florida. This was like 40 years ago, so very odd at the time. She became increasingly disconnected with the real world and can barely function. Her "housemate" is now in her 80s and can no longer care for the aunt. So no one knows what to do, it is a horrible situation. The aunt has been offered a house in a gated community for retirees (she is in her late 60s but looks 90+), but she is opting to move to a trailer by herself in east Pennsylvania. Obviously, this is not a good idea as she cannot even manage to care for herself. It is one of those situations where the idea of forcing someone into care seems legitimate.

You have posted on here about your brother a lot over the past few years (presuming it is just you, and not numerous people with a similar story), and I am not sure if you have reached out to a counselor for help. You ought to think about doing so. They can be a huge help.

I wish you the best, man.

You should consider yourself lucky. I have two in my family.

Self help won't get you very far. I'm guessing your relationships with others regardless of if they are romantic or not are okay up to a point.

The good news is you have some awareness of the situation.

You need a therapist and some concrete goals.

Hollywood misuses the word psycopath. This is advocated in academia too. Someone may have sociopathic or antisocial tendencies but you can't really call someone a psychopath. You can instead test someone's psycopathy. There are different styles of tests but one commonly used is Robert D Hare's checklist. It explores different behaviors and measures psychopathy on a 40-point scale.

A professional must give an unbiased assessment. Violent tendencies are a measured on the psycopathy test but alone won't make someone test high in psychopathy. There are other contributing factors (ie there are non violent people who score 28 or higher).

The mean score of incarcerated persons is about 28 and generally speaking this is a number to keep in mind. However, many thrill seeking 18-30 year old males will be 22-26 and that's just the way it is. Legacy businessmen of the 70s-00s likely also have a mean score in the mid twenties.

Does this test produce gender biased results? Yes, hardly any incarcerated women go much beyond mid-20s on the test. But that doesn't mean it isn't accurate for men. I'm sure there are better ways to measure females.

One of Hare's introductory reads:

http://www.amazon.com/Without-Conscience-Disturbing-World-Psychopaths/dp/1572304510

This is another great read about toxic people. I think lot of elite runners are cluster b personality types:

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Vampires-Dealing-Revised-Expanded/dp/0071790950

Yeah, the problem is when they have control of your entire family's money through lying and deceit and parcel it out like they're a king.

Present.

Actually, I grew up with two.

Yes -- sibling. My story is much like yours. I don't really give a sh$t about the terminology -- psychopath, sociopath, whatever -- the experience was the same -- violent, bullying, out of control -- bigger and stronger, and always able to 'invade' any supposedly safe space I had. It is not a coincidence that I took up running. Wish I had been faster. I have great parents -- they are saints -- but they were completely overwhelmed. No preparation for a child like that, and no support network or anything else. We lived in a rural area which basically had little support for much of anything. They did the best they could, which meant they could not protect me or my other siblings.

And yes, 'damaged for life' is a pretty good assessment of it. No coincidence that only one of the affected siblings has had a successful long-term marriage, and none of us ever had children, regardless of how successful our marriages have been. My physician finally pointed out to me that I display all the symptoms of someone who has been in a war zone, i.e., PTSD. My inclination is to reject such assessments, but if I am honest with myself regarding my early childhood -- at least what I can recall of it -- I was in fear for my life.

I am professionally successful, and interact well with people in structured situations like work, but otherwise, I live alone, and need lots of very quiet down time.

It is immeasurably stressful to return home for holidays and other family gatherings, all of which are supposed to be supportive, fun, etc.

There isn't really much that can be done to remedy such early-life experiences. A good therapist, with good training in PTSD issues, can provide some help, but if you survive to adulthood, the damage is basically done.

Most families have some manifestation of mental illness at some level. Mine sure does.

My wife and I each have our own psychological medallions inherited from the family stores of messed up behavior, modeled and handed down since forever, along with our own peculiar anti-social or self destructive tendencies.

Good luck and get help.

I can relate. My brother was much bigger than me growing up. He beat me and harassed me constantly. He chased me with weapons and grabbed a (thankfully unloaded) gun once.

The cops came a few times but my parents cared too much for him to press charges. He was 17ish. I don't blame my parents for their inaction; they were overwhelmed by his anger. My brother's anger didn't match his other moods, which were very humorous and including. He is diagnosed as a true bipolar.

When I ran more, I used to have nightmares of him chasing me. When we were little he often did chase me. I remember being locked in a room for hours until my folks got home. This was before cell phones.

In college, my brother came and beat me up in my own house. I remember thinking that the nightmares came true. It was a bad moment for everyone. I ran my PR in the mile with a black eye and bruised esophagus.

My brother blamed me for everything. If I got more presents than him at Christmas it was because I poisoned my parent's minds. If he got a bad grade it was because I was somehow stressing him out. I was athletic and he was overweight. He blamed me for this and the way girls treated us differently.

He is a very convincing person and an obstinate liar. I remember one of his therapists asking me why I did all of these horrible to my brother (I weighed at least 70 pounds less and am 3 years younger). He completely reversed the roles in his stories.

He is a dangerous person. He makes me anxious.

The anxiety went away when I moved away, starting working, got married, etc.

It returns when I have to go back home for funerals and such.

I suggest having zero contact. I have been 3+ years without too much thought. For me, it is to protect my wife.

I am, however, nervous for the day my parents die and my brother doesn't have a support system in place. I fear that he will hunt my family down if he gets wind that I am happy/successful.

Things like this get better with space and time. The anxiety will always be there. I just was open about it with my wife when she asked why we don't see my brother. She only had to witness one blow-up from my brother on my wedding to see what I meant.

Good luck. I don't think therapists help that much. I think distance does.

.

Sometimes you may think you have problems. Then you read threads like this and realize that "eh, my life ain't so bad." My immediate family has problems, but nothing like you all are describing.

Reading this stuff is very sad indeed.

However, I wonder how much the US culture plays into this? I mean this is a country constantly at war and has now been for decades. It spends an insane amount of money on weapons; far more than on healthcare and many people think that having a gun is a good thing. Violence will always breed more violence.

Then there is the culture of work, work, work and endlessly striving to climb the ladder so you can buy more stuff. And young folks starting working life up to their eyeballs in debt.

It is very sad and why so many Americans are on anti-depressants / have mental health issues. You're #1 in the world on these counts to add to the list of being #1 for the fattest country in the world.

Still as long as you have a milion different types of donuts at krispy kreme, all is well and good in your world.

I can definitely relate. Very similar situation when I was growing up, A-hole older brother, sociopath by every definition of the word. In and out of Juvenile Delinquency centers and prison from the age of 14 - drug addicted, violent, and a compulsive liar - put my parents through hell. I was several years younger and very skinny, etc..could do nothing about it.

I'm 52 years old now and still have dreams where I'm beating the living daylights out of that P.O.S. He's in his late 50's now, still getting DUI's and jail time, making lives miserable for anybody who lets him into their existence. I can't believe his liver is still holding out.

gasdklfasd;lfja;sdoifja9sdfuas wrote:

"but there are certain times or specific scenarios that cause me pretty extreme internal distress"

Are you comfortable sharing an example(s)?

I read this book last summer and my brother fits the descriptions almost to the letter. One of my first memories of him was at 3 or 4 I got into some of his stuff in the room. He dragged me in there and kept shoving me and would not let me leave. And at two other occasions that I remember he hauled off an hit my other brother and I in the stomach, knocking the wind out of us, just because he was bigger and could. My parents found out and put a stop to that. For the most of my youth and adulthood, I "got along" by not getting in his way. My other brother and mom (after my dad had passed away) took the brunt of the bullying. Not to mention his SOs and 2 former wives.

He started binge drinking at about 15, and 16-17 was a full blown party animal/drunk. My parents could not control him, and he pretty much ran over anyone. That was 40 years ago. He barely finished high school (flunked out his senior year and had to take summer school to graduate).

He can no longer hold a job, and took care of my mom over the last couple years of her life. He took every penny of her retirement income and savings, did not pay bills or taxes, bought three dogs (spent more on vet bills than her care), and brought in three drug using teenagers (his son among them) to live in my mom's house. I had been out of state for several years but when I returned and found out, the sh*t hit the fan. Any mention of the inappropriateness and dishonesty was met with a barrage of harassing phone calls, texts, and emails. He knows no personal boundaries, and will track you down and confront you verbally, and I have seen him physically attack his son and my other brother. One ex had a restraining order on him, and neither will see him. Ever.

We've been in direct opposition for two years now. I'm probably one of the only people in his life that has stood up to him. I broke off all contact in the past 6 months and we communicate through my lawyer. He harasses the lawyer and paralegal. He took 10s of thousands of dollars for himself from my mother's accoutns, outside of the agreements we had made. We paid his way for several months after she passed, until he could get his feet back on the ground, but the compassion became an entitlement. For example, I paid $800 in past electric bills last year, and last month he sent me his trash bill because he couldn't pay it. I am not paying.

Once this final legal process is through I will change phone, email accounts, and address, and I will cease any contact with him.

I'll share my story, and maybe this will help someone out.

Growing up I had an older sister and younger brother. We always knew our dad was a bit off. Cold, distant, didn't interact with us unless it was for disciplinary issues. He never abused us, but he was on the neglectful side.

When I was 16 he had a seizure (lifelong condition) and my mom tried to get him to go to the doctor. He pulled a knife on her and threatened to kill her. Police were called, engaged him in a car chase, eventually pulled him over, arrested him, and he spent a bit of time in a rehabilitation home.

This happened a couple more times, the last time included him actually pushing and trying to hit my mother in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Yet after the blowback from the first incident my mother doesn't want to report his actions to the police whenever something happens.

It's been pretty quiet; last incident was around 5 years ago. But the effect it had on my siblings has been the real consequence.

My sister has terrible mental health issues now. She's on 4 medications for mental health and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Mix that with excessive alcohol consumption, and you can see how trouble has arisen. At one point last year she was taking her meds, drinking, and smoking marijuana and had a mental breakdown of sorts.

My younger brother also took it pretty hard. He dropped out of high school but managed to get his ged online. Except for a failed one month period where he moved out, he's been living at home his entire life (now 21). No college or educational aspirations. He's bounced from crappy job to crappy job. He's developed a heavy marijuana habit and can't attend any family function without blazing up first. He's currently on anti depression meds and has cut off all contact with our family. He's basically a stranger living rent free with my parents.

I can't really tell how it's affected me. I know I have trouble establishing real relationships with people, and I tend to keep any personal info to myself. I guess I have a lot of shallow friendships, and even my best friend doesn't know about my family life. I don't know if that's due to the past, or if I just turned out that way. Thankfully I haven't developed any mental health issues from my family drama, and I really believe that running and living a healthy lifestyle have helped contribute to that.

My advice is to find a way to forgive your parents/siblings for what they've done or continue to do. Any anger or resentment you feel is only going to hurt you, not help you. Seek professional help if need be. Eliminate your pride and reach out for help. People want to help you, but you have to want to be helped for real life change to occur.

Yes. Please note that being a psychopath can put you on the road to success.

"ranks of senior management, psychopathic behavior may be more common than we think – more prevalent in fact than the amount such seriously aberrant behavior occurs in the general population."

http://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2013/04/25/the-disturbing-link-between-psychopathy-and-leadership/#2715e4857a0b44ac8e1b2740