Asked out a female coworker. She said yes. However...

She has a better offer or her interest has cooled. Either that or she's a game player. Take the high road and presume she was being nice by saying yes initially and is avoiding you to spare your feelings. Hopefully you don't work too close to each other. Sometimes it's not worth it. Do a long, LONG run, then hit the local Ben & Jerry's and load up on Chunky Monkey...then rent some action flicks.

Take it as a life lesson. If you took care of a dying relative that says Tons about you and I'd suggest it's her loss, not to sound ugly. Don't sweat it, life has a way of balancing this stuff out.

Could be worse.

I met a girl on a dating website and she was floored by my message and was really looking forward to our first date, a coffee date.

She touched me a lot during the date and then two hours later we made plans for a second date and I went in to hug her. It was only a coffee date so I thought we would hug. She kisses me after we hug for like six seconds.

Then we text for a few days but the second date falls through because she has to pick up a shift.

Then she doesn't respond to two more text messages and that's it.

Women are crazy, man. Apparently if they touch you a lot and kiss you for six seconds they don't like you.

So, when you asked her out, was it for a specific day/activity? Or a 'want to go out sometime'?

If the latter, definitely move on. If the former, not sure.

Gastronicus wrote:

She has a better offer or her interest has cooled. Either that or she's a game player. Take the high road and presume she was being nice by saying yes initially and is avoiding you to spare your feelings. Hopefully you don't work too close to each other. Sometimes it's not worth it. Do a long, LONG run, then hit the local Ben & Jerry's and load up on Chunky Monkey...then rent some action flicks.

Take it as a life lesson. If you took care of a dying relative that says Tons about you and I'd suggest it's her loss, not to sound ugly. Don't sweat it, life has a way of balancing this stuff out.

I really like your response. Good advice!

ask jamin, he will know what to do

Aaarrrrrggghhhhh wrote:

After she said yes I would wait outside my office for them to come by and we'd exit the building together, usually laughing and talking. Not so, now.

She said yes to a date, but instead is absent?

Are you sure she's at work? Maybe she's sick or something.

If not and she's just playing games, this is typical of some women, to lead guys on, then act to their friends like the guy is overly attracted to her and she can't get rid of them - due to her personally weak ego. Count your blessings and have nothing to do with the drama queen from now on.

Author

guamgirl

RE: Asked out a female coworker. She said yes. However...

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Gastronicus wrote:

She has a better offer or her interest has cooled. Either that or she's a game player. Take the high road and presume she was being nice by saying yes initially and is avoiding you to spare your feelings. Hopefully you don't work too close to each other. Sometimes it's not worth it. Do a long, LONG run, then hit the local Ben & Jerry's and load up on Chunky Monkey...then rent some action flicks.

Take it as a life lesson. If you took care of a dying relative that says Tons about you and I'd suggest it's her loss, not to sound ugly. Don't sweat it, life has a way of balancing this stuff out.

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I really like your response. Good advice!

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+1

Gastronicus wrote:

She has a better offer or her interest has cooled. Either that or she's a game player. Take the high road and presume she was being nice by saying yes initially and is avoiding you to spare your feelings. Hopefully you don't work too close to each other. Sometimes it's not worth it. Do a long, LONG run, then hit the local Ben & Jerry's and load up on Chunky Monkey...then rent some action flicks.

Take it as a life lesson. If you took care of a dying relative that says Tons about you and I'd suggest it's her loss, not to sound ugly. Don't sweat it, life has a way of balancing this stuff out.

This is great advice. OP, I would take it.

Maybe she wants to walk out with you alone? Either that or she's second guessing her decision to do something with you. You can gauge the answer based on how she reacts when she sees you, or if she contacts you herself that's a good sign.

Many perfectly decent people have a difficult time saying no. I suspect that she's one of them.

I don't think that you "got played." I don't think that she "fibbed." I don't think that she engaged in "head games." I think that she simply felt very uncomfortable about the situation. So she avoided you, even at the cost of removing herself from a group whose company she enjoyed.

If you see her again, just be gracious. Not because you have some ulterior motive. Just because you recognize that these kinds of situations can be uncomfortable for everyone. Ultimately, I suspect that you will feel good about having done that. Eventually, others will notice your graciousness. Maybe sooner than you think.

Dude you put her in a crappy situation:

She had to pick between offending you (by saying no) or saying "sure" to spare your feelings and avoid an awkward situation for the short term.

That's not cool man

Avocado's Number wrote:

Many perfectly decent people have a difficult time saying no. I suspect that she's one of them.

I don't think that you "got played." I don't think that she "fibbed." I don't think that she engaged in "head games." I think that she simply felt very uncomfortable about the situation. So she avoided you, even at the cost of removing herself from a group whose company she enjoyed.

If you see her again, just be gracious. Not because you have some ulterior motive. Just because you recognize that these kinds of situations can be uncomfortable for everyone. Ultimately, I suspect that you will feel good about having done that. Eventually, others will notice your graciousness. Maybe sooner than you think.

This, almost certainly. She felt awkward saying no but really isn't interested in dating you. So now she's trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation by walking alone with you from the office and going on the date in a more comfortable setting. She isn't playing head games; she just isn't interested but doesn't feel comfortable rejecting you.

This whole thread is ridiculous. The OP didn't even say how many days he hasn't seen her for. If it is only 1-2 days then it is hardly anything to start crying about just yet.

youdon'thave ittoobad wrote:

Women are crazy, man. Apparently if they touch you a lot and kiss you for six seconds they don't like you.

Maybe she was freaked out that you were looking at your watch while you were kissing her? I have never heard of anyone measuring a kiss in seconds before.

This happens reasonably often, you can get girls in a sort of state where they are having fun, enjoying your company, and find you attractive; and will make out with you at the time.

However, if you don't actually get to know another person much and primarily have fun banter, the girl goes how and tthinks "Well I had a good time, but I don't really know much about this guy after a full date...we must not really have much of a connection". Then bam, no second date even though the first one seemed to go well.

F.A.T.?

Avocado's Number wrote:

Many perfectly decent people have a difficult time saying no. I suspect that she's one of them.

I don't think that you "got played." I don't think that she "fibbed." I don't think that she engaged in "head games." I think that she simply felt very uncomfortable about the situation. So she avoided you, even at the cost of removing herself from a group whose company she enjoyed.

If you see her again, just be gracious. Not because you have some ulterior motive. Just because you recognize that these kinds of situations can be uncomfortable for everyone. Ultimately, I suspect that you will feel good about having done that. Eventually, others will notice your graciousness. Maybe sooner than you think.

Then she's not "perfectly decent".

A perfectly decent person would know how to communicate and not do cowardly things like hide from a situation and hope it goes away. Saying no to someone isn't offending them. Saying something offensive is offending them. Someone asking you out shouldn't make you " very uncomfortable". She's not in danger.

OP, if she really is avoiding you for something so little then count your blessings that her ridiculousness is so obvious. However, you haven't provided enough detail to know whether she is for sure avoiding you or not (or did I miss something?).

Just a word of advice. The old adage "Don't get your honey where you get your money" is a good one. It is best for your career and for your love life to NOT date people from work. What happens if you date for 6 months then break up? What happens if she gets promoted and is now your boss? Or if she quits and goes to work for a competitor?

The answer is entirely contingent upon whether you set specific times and plans, or whether you asked her to "go out together some time". If she agreed to have lunch/dinner/whatever with you at x time and date, then she wants to go. The date could still go abysmally, but she wouldn't agree to specific plans and then try to get out of it. So, odds are she wanted to go out with you and you're fine (at least for now).

If, on the other hand, you said "go out together some time" or something similarly vague, you could be in trouble. First of all, it was a mistake to leave it at that. If she was really into you, after you said that she would have pushed for specifics, e.g. "how's this Thursday?" If she was neutral about it, after she tentatively agreed to go out with you then the ball was in your court to say "do you have dinner plans Thursday?"

But that's all in the past. Now, assuming you didn't set specific plans (which I think is a safe bet), what you need to do is try to casually "run into" her some time. I don't know the logistics of your job and office, so I'm not sure how you would go about that, but figure it out. You cannot go the rest of your career avoiding her, it's ridiculous. And, if you play this with supreme confidence, you still have a chance to win her over. So you casually walk past her desk, or whatever. This will not be easy to pull off but you can do it.

1. DO NOT show up sweaty, nervous and/or stammering. This must not seem rehearsed, either. You have to approach this casually. Do not make it awkward. Make it okay, which it is.

2. Give her a charming smile and say "What's up?" (this phrase implies a casual confidence, it is important that you use it). Say, "Hey, I haven't seen you after work lately. Look, no hard feelings if you don't want to go out, okay? I don't want to mess with your schedule." Give another winning smile, wish her a good weekend or evening, and walk away.

3. DO NOT engage in a long heart-to-heart about your feelings, your sick parent, her feelings, or anything of the sort. This is a short and sweet exchange.

4. DO NOT say anything to the effect of "we can still be friends". The word friends should not come out of your mouth.

5. When you see her again, laugh and joke along with the rest of the group, subtly include her in the conversation.