Say you're in a relationship with a girl who is great in a lot of different ways and is someone you have a lot of fun with, but she doesn't really support or encourage you... In fact, she even criticizes you for just about everything you do and acts like you're not good enough a lot of the time. Would it make any sense to marry such a girl? Please help me out... I'm really struggling with this right now.
The answer is simply no.
Never.
No.
End it now.
Not kidding.
Everyone needs their BS called when that is what it is. You are not describing that.
Cut her loose and do some real searching why you chose this girl while booking up with others, safely of course.
Before I immediately say no (as that would clearly be the obvious answer), is this something you have actually sat down and talked with her about? She may not realize she's doing it to the extent that she is and letting her know how you feel is important. However, if that doesn't change, this is not someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with. You want your spouse to support and encourage you, not constantly bring you down. Because when life gets tough, that's going to be more important than just having fun with her.
ups but downs wrote:
Say you're in a relationship with a girl who is great in a lot of different ways and is someone you have a lot of fun with, but she doesn't really support or encourage you... In fact, she even criticizes you for just about everything you do and acts like you're not good enough a lot of the time. Would it make any sense to marry such a girl? Please help me out... I'm really struggling with this right now.
Are you sure she would say yes? Sounds like you are just someone she tolerates while she's waiting for someone else.
Run now. It will only get much worse as time goes on. And you'll be much happier when you find the right one ... The one who admires you.
That's what my fiance did while she was secretly keeping her options open
Moe's Tavern wrote:
Never.
I wouldn't say never, but rarely. No more than three times.
Probably shouldn't even date a person who doesn't support you. If you know you don't deserve support, fix that first, then find someone who wouldn't dream of being with the current you.
If you are a man, you don't need support. You just walk out the door and face the world each day.
The fact that you haven't straightened this woman out, and are taking abuse from her means that you are a loser.
Grow up.
fred wrote:
If you are a man, you don't need support. You just walk out the door and face the world each day.
The fact that you haven't straightened this woman out, and are taking abuse from her means that you are a loser.
Grow up.
I change my answer to what this guy said.
Heed the advice, I implore you!
Klo98 wrote:
Before I immediately say no (as that would clearly be the obvious answer), is this something you have actually sat down and talked with her about? She may not realize she's doing it to the extent that she is and letting her know how you feel is important. However, if that doesn't change, this is not someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with. You want your spouse to support and encourage you, not constantly bring you down. Because when life gets tough, that's going to be more important than just having fun with her.
In my experience, people with this type of personality don't change. My family is full of relentlessly negative people. Everything you ever do is either stupid, or unfair to them in some way. Nothing you can do or say will change their outlook or the way they interact with you in the long-term. They might be willing to try to do better for a few days at a time, but the change never sticks.
I don't think that no one should ever marry someone like this. I've known a few couples who grouse at each other non-stop, but still seem to love each other. Sometimes two bitchy people just need to be with someone they can freely bitch at, and the marriage works out on this basis. However, the fact that the OP is asking the question makes it clear that in his case, he should not be marrying such a person.
fred wrote:
If you are a man, you don't need support. You just walk out the door and face the world each day.
The fact that you haven't straightened this woman out, and are taking abuse from her means that you are a loser.
Grow up.
Yeah bro, straighten her out by beating her every day.
Thanks for the input, guys. You all have just confirmed what I had already decided. I've talked to this girl about it multiple times and explicitly told her I would only ever marry a girl who was a true partner, a teammate, someone who encouraged me and supported me and who I encouraged and supported back. Despite these talks, she's been very negative towards me and never seems to support anything I do. She's even ragged on me to her friends... Despite what you might think, she desperately wants me to get serious with her and settle down. I know her well, and this is indeed the case. I just can't do it and actually cut her loose a while back. It's been pretty rough on me though because we had so much fun together and had so much potential... She just doesn't know how to be a good partner at all.
Nah, your mom provides all the support you'll ever need.
ups but downs wrote:
Say you're in a relationship with a girl who is great in a lot of different ways and is someone you have a lot of fun with, but she doesn't really support or encourage you... In fact, she even criticizes you for just about everything you do and acts like you're not good enough a lot of the time. Would it make any sense to marry such a girl? Please help me out... I'm really struggling with this right now.
Sure bud, if you are incredibly insecure and afraid of being alone. Have fun being miserable, though.
Get a jock strap
There, problem solved
Change my answer wrote:
fred wrote:If you are a man, you don't need support. You just walk out the door and face the world each day.
The fact that you haven't straightened this woman out, and are taking abuse from her means that you are a loser.
Grow up.
I change my answer to what this guy said.
Heed the advice, I implore you!
Hey no worries I'm in the same boat. At least you know your girl is sane. No sane biatch is gonna put up with you going to bed early every single Friday to wake up for a race and then go to bed early again Saturday to wake up for a long run Sunday. I would say no, but I'm not jumping the gun just yet. I have a bed and free carbs.
Well, if you're not talking about running then yeah you probably want to nut up and bang her best friend.
Oh, right. For my real suggest I would tell you the same advice an old track coach told me: date a girl that does centurion biking for hobby. Then you're set for life.
I dated a girl like this. Absolutely avoid. I couldn't quite figure her out until I stumbled upon narcisstic personality disorder (npd). Not saying yours has this but the signs are that it's possible.
Basically everything is about her. Ask yourself if she has any empathy. Is there any reciprocity? Does she even care about you? Does she ever admit she's at fault? A woman like this is an emotional vampire and will suck you dry.
NPDs can be VERY charming, manipulative, and know exactly what hooks to use to pull you back in. They can and will take advantage of people's caring nature. That is why you're still attracted to this one when you should be running fast in the other direction.
If she is npd, she will never love you. She will cheat on you when she finds somebody better. (Her cheating is not her fault. She deserves better than you. You don't make enough money. Give her enough attention. No matter what you do it will never be enough.)
The marriage she wants isn't about both of you. It's about her alone. She feels she deserves one and possibly sees you as tge chump to give it to her.
Also, a good woman (or man) never ever badmouths their spouse to anybody else. Instead they defend that person tooth and nail. HUGE red flag. What's it going to be like when you're actually married?
Avoid this one. She's using you because you're nice and she can walk all over you. She doesn't respect you.
pics?