At what point exactly should you leave a partner who drinks too much alcohol?
At what point exactly should you leave a partner who drinks too much alcohol?
When you start to wonder when you should leave him/her.
suck it up and start partying you lame-o
someone out there wrote:
When you start to wonder when you should leave him/her.
this. especially if you dont have kids.
if you have kids its a different story, they come first.
the partner wrote:
At what point exactly should you leave a partner who drinks too much alcohol?
You leave, they don't straighten out.
They drink to die from alcohol.
You got no love. You got no game.
You lack the personality to make a difference. You're a sheep in a black and white world.
You need to further define the problem. Is it your opinion your partner drinks too much or is your partner an alcoholic?Are you married, living together or just dating? Lots of factors to be considered besides volume or frequency of alcohol.
the partner wrote:
At what point exactly should you leave a partner who drinks too much alcohol?
Postulation: what if they drink because they're stuck in a relationship with you?
the partner wrote:
At what point exactly should you leave a partner who drinks too much alcohol?
Maybe start by suggesting that you both stop drinking for a few weeks to drop some pounds and see were that leads.
I was with a chick who only drank too much whenever we went out, so at first I didn't think it was much of a problem. Eventually I brought it up and she just got defensive and said I was a bad boyfriend who didnt appreciate her. Im glad I saw the writing on the wall early, she turned into a hot mess later down the line long after I ditched her. If you are a dude in that situation too, bail. If you are the dude creating that situation, she should ditch you.
If you think the partner has a problem - then it is a problem for you whether or not they really have a problem.
If the partner really does have a problem, it will only get worse because that is the nature of the disease.
Either way you lose if you stay - get out ASAP (unless you have kids, which was pointed out earlier...in that case you need a whole new strategy).
Troll
I left out some details because I wanted to get a few answers first.
I am the male, been married 20+ years, have 4 kids aged 9-18. We're in our 40's. She never drank more than 1-2 x week when we dated and when the kids were little. The last 3 years she has ramped it up to 5-6 times a week. She is a very successful professional & never drinks before or during work. She never drives after drinking.
However, she weighs so little that she gets drunk off 3 glasses of wine & usually passes out after 4. After 3 glasses she starts acting real stupid. If we are in public it is very embarrassing. She occasionally picks verbal fights with others. She absolutely knows her limits but after she starts drinking she becomes oblivious to reality and those limits. I don't know why she is never hung over. I guess you would call her a functioning alcoholic.
She is a sexual dynamo regardless of the alcohol. She usually wants it 5-6 times a week, so I got that going for me. Whenever the subject of drinking comes up, she says she can stop whenever she wants & it doesn't hurt anybody. Thus, the question, at what point do I say, the hell with it?
4 kids? married?
I'm assuming you've brought this up with her and had a discussion about it. If so what were the results? If she can "stop at any time" why don't you propose a sober 1-3 months and gauge how that goes?
She says there is no reason for a sober period, because it doesn't interfere with the kids or her job, ect. It doesn't help that most of her best friends also drink frequently. What makes it harder is that when they all drink the same amount, she is the only one who gets really drunk.
I really thin you should seek help/counseling. I would also like to point out that while she might not think its a problem, it should be enough that you think so. Drinkers are - VERY- good at rationalizing their behavior. The drinking might not be causing practical problems now but there is a good chans it will down the road. Go see a doctor, there is help to be had! Good luck!
the partner wrote:
I guess you would call her a functioning alcoholic.
She is a sexual dynamo regardless of the alcohol. She usually wants it 5-6 times a week, so I got that going for me. Whenever the subject of drinking comes up, she says she can stop whenever she wants & it doesn't hurt anybody. Thus, the question, at what point do I say, the hell with it?
Functioning alcoholic? Give me a break. A functioning alcoholic is one who keeps vodka stashed in their office desk. They go out for four or five martini lunches and still manage to get their work in on time. Drinking at night 5 times a week a "functioning alcoholic" does not make. Perhaps a "problem drinker."
My in laws are kind of like this. They have a few drinks every night, and on the weekends they tend to start drinking around noon. However they can drink a bit more than your wife I think, and are generally happy drunks. They also know enough to control themselves when we go out and what not. If we're out to eat they keep it to two sometimes three drinks and can hold it no problem.
I would tell your wife flat out that she's obnoxious when she gets drunk and that for her own sake she should cut it back at least in public anyway.
Otherwise, drinking to unwind after a long day doesn't bother me too much.
What does bother me is they are offended by marijuana being used in the same patterns, which is kinda hypocritical if you ask me.
Why are you considering leaving her for this?
It looks like your biggest complaint is that she acts embarrassing.
Is she like Fredo's wife in Godfather II?
Try out-drinking her now and then.
Then you won't notice her being embarrassing and maybe seeing you that way will make her want to think twice about getting drunk.
I was inn a similar situation- 2 kids, married 20 years. My husband is very successful but drank like your wife does, almost every night, not sloppy drunk but definitely impaired. I eventually realized how this was affecting my marriage and my kids and asked him to stop but he denied it was a problem so I moved out. We eventually went to counseling where the therapist made him realize that he was "having an affair with the bottle" and he stopped completely. It repaired our marriage and despite a few bumps in the road, we are a happy family again. Your situation probably will not change until she stops drinking and you have to ask yourself if that is how you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
hmmmmm....she drinks 5-6 times per week and wants to romp in the hay 5-6 times per week.
I'd say you should refer to the "post-nuptial shutoff" thread and count your blessings.