Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

Made the mistake of marrying a woman who had BPD/Bi-Polar. She had been officially divorced for one month when we started dating. I suspect she was with someone when she met me...I'll never know.

All posts here nail it. It's the same pattern - Extreme idealization, intimacy, weird cool off period, then insults, poor/bizarre behavior, no intimacy, fighting, then it was over.

We had a kid together, long court battle. Don't want to get into it. Married 4 year, three of them were absolutely awful.

She talked about her ex-husband like he was the devil. I looked him up on Facebook during my divorce and realized that everything she said about him was a lie. I was close to reaching out to him...but decided not to.

BPD = soul suckers.

Chicago - Stay The Night wrote:

frogs wrote:

It is too late for ones like you and I, we are scorched, shan't recover. But think of the kids out there. For godsake, think of the kids!

This is true. When get into a relationship with one of these individuals, you are never quite the same.

I will disclose that I am not the person I was before I met my girl who had BPD. She did something to me which has permanently scarred me.

They take something away from you and really leave you empty - almost soul-less. I remember in the 5 to 6 months after we broke up, I had that 1000 yard stare. Some of you know what I'm talking about. It's very difficult to explain.

Yup. Me too, bro.

You fight and fight for it not to change you. Before you met her, you were a happy-go-lucky, chill kind of dude who took everything at face value and trusted that your relationship was real, that it was authentic, that it was substantial and that it would last forever.

Then during the crazy drama, something snaps deep inside you.

And much as you try to fight it, you realise you've changed anyway. That the world is a darker and more malign place than it used to be. And you think - how did this happen? I'm a decent chill bro who got into something that two years down the line feels surreal, like it didn't really happen to me.

But it did. And it changed me. I f*ing hate that it did that. I want the old me back, but it ain't never gonna happen........

I was married to one for 11 months, with 1 child. As with previous posters, the legal problems and therapy (for our child) are ongoing and both financially and emotionally costly. The most recent development is my child's therapist called the Dept. of child welfare to report some alleged abuse (which has been ongoing for years). There was an investigation but of course, she charmed the investigator and the case was closed.

okey dokey all righty wrote:

I was married to one for 11 months, with 1 child. As with previous posters, the legal problems and therapy (for our child) are ongoing and both financially and emotionally costly. The most recent development is my child's therapist called the Dept. of child welfare to report some alleged abuse (which has been ongoing for years). There was an investigation but of course, she charmed the investigator and the case was closed.

Sorry. How long did you date before tying the knot? Did she push for kids really early? Mine somehow thought bring a kid into the mix would "strengthen our bond". I regret it, not my daughter of course, but listening to her.

This is the best thread I have ever started. I really appreciate the stories and advance. It really does help. Right now, things are obviously good. But this usually happens for a week until a blow up occurs. Even though it feels extremely hard, I am currently trying to figure out how to break it off.

Do you think I just wait till another blow up? Or do I just let her down before that? I don't even know. I'm just trying to think how I would do this. I know she is going to make life hell.

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

I know she is going to make life hell.

There is your answer. The quicker you can get out unscathed, the better. She won't get better.

Realize that it's not you, to an extent. You are partly to blame for tolerating it. But you do need to realize that all of her relationships will fail.

Remember this quote: "Wherever you go, there you are."

She won't likely ever change.

gilbertsasnfrun wrote:

This is the best thread I have ever started. I really appreciate the stories and advance. It really does help. Right now, things are obviously good. But this usually happens for a week until a blow up occurs. Even though it feels extremely hard, I am currently trying to figure out how to break it off.

Do you think I just wait till another blow up? Or do I just let her down before that? I don't even know. I'm just trying to think how I would do this. I know she is going to make life hell.

Do NOT wait for another blowup. Nothing is gained by any delay. And if your mind is made up (which I pray that it is) then you would actually be doing her a disservice (and a dishonest one at that) by delaying.

Just tell her that you cannot continue in this relationship. If she wants to blame you, that's fine.

Then walk away.

Don't all girls have personality disorders?

Wow, this is so spot on with what I went through. Was engaged, had a dog together, all that. A few months after we broke up, she got married. Nuts.

I know the feeling. I had a girl for 6 years. After year 1, I knew something was not right. Whenever we would fight, she always threw out something about this guy wants to be with me. Even though she had blow up and crazy spells, I always trusted her. I never thought she would cheat. Well, one time we got into a bad fight. Her jealousy was insane even though I never cheated. I left the house for a week. She ended up finding another guy that week who was going to be with her...then there was another guy she started seeing...then she was messaging her ex about loving him...then I found out she cheated 4 years prior...all of this during that few weeks period of us fighting and me out of the house (we were still together).BPD at it's best. Had to see a shrink.

Sportsbiz wrote:

Wow, this is so spot on with what I went through. Was engaged, had a dog together, all that. A few months after we broke up, she got married. Nuts.

Sportsbiz wrote:

Wow, this is so spot on with what I went through. Was engaged, had a dog together, all that.

That is indeed very serious.

As a general rule, men don't suffer from BPD. The male equivalent of BPD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Conundrum wrote:

Not even referencing this thread, I only hear about people talking about female BPDs.

From a different perspective wrote:

That is a fair point, and I did think about, but didn't put it into my explanation. I just figured that even though it was asking about women, there would be some stories about males.

Is he not even allowed one last for-old-times-sake crazy awesome passionate dip in the lake as compensation for all the godawful texts and calls he's gonna receive for dumping her ?

Any updates? Did the OP break it off? Cmon...one of the best threads ever...

If you've date a girl then you've dated someone with a borderline personality disorder.

Wow. The judgment. There is a big difference between a mentally healthy woman who acts that way and one who has mental illness. If you can't cut it as a caregiver for someone who has an illness, that's fine. But don't disrespect people who are sick.

You are all so lucky to be healthy. Imagine how hard it is to be the one with mental illness. They have to live with having almost no control over their emotions, feeling shame for what they did, feeling deep loneliness because people leave them all the time, coming out of their episodes utterly embarrassed, incapable of living a normal life, hopeless they will be able to get better. How would you feel if your illness made you hated? To have your closest friends tell you to never talk to them again. To be called a freak and scary. Then you start feeling like the world would be better without you because that's really the message everyone is saying, isn't it? That's one reason why there are so many suicides.

You have a right to feel hurt. It's an illness that not only destroys the lives of those that are sick, but their families and friends. But Instead of blaming the illness, you are all blaming the person who is sick.

You know nothing Jon Snow.

How about no respect for the dead. People who commit suicide are called cowards and selfish. Our world is Fkd up.