Anyone dated a girl with a borderline personality disorder?

Has anyone dated a girl who didn't?

It's a real mystery what you should do here

I dated a girl for 3 years who, if she wasn't borderline, definitely had lots of borderline traits, and it was HELL! She was obsessed with me for 2 of those years and I put up with so much abuse. Then I started to try to make it work with her and she began searching for a new target. Then she moved to London in March saying that it would be a "new start" for us, and then the day she moved she ended it by text. She then told me she'd been sleeping with a guy at work for months and that she didn't fancy me anymore and had never loved me. This is 3 days after she told me how much she loved me! And not only that but all of a sudden she started to absolutely HATE me! I was a "monster", psychopath, sociopath - basically the worst human being on earth. And she was going to get a restraining order on ME!

Here are a few of the things she did during our relationship:

- Stalked me, sitting outside my house for hours

- Keyed my car

- Threatened suicide about 10 times or more when I tried to leave her

- Faked pregnancies twice, declaring they could me mine, or a guy called Mike (who the f**k is mike?!)

- Cheated on me whilst travelling in NZ and sent me photos of her with the guy and described the sex, then lied about not seeing him for months

- Ripped up my clothes

- Lied about having cancer and when I questioned her broke up with me and slept with a guy at work and sent me an email to let me know about it.

The list goes on so much further. They're so manipulative that you'll find yourself apologising for them cheating! They will NEVER apologise.

They are always the abuser, yet they will play the victim! It's an impossible situation. And they believe their own lies!!! You ALWAYS lose! Always.

They will wreck your life. They will hurt you for self gratification. Their objective is to destroy you and the most crucial element of that is making you believe that you are the most important thing in the world to them. Then as soon as they have you emotionally hooked they will cut you off and make you feel a pain like no other you have ever experienced.

You'll be left questioning your sanity, depressed, and you will never be the same again!

If you're charismatic, self assured, or full of self esteem and think they'll never do it to you, chances are you're next in line for it. You're exactly the kind of guy they want because destroying you is a real achievement.

Get away before they destroy you. And if you think you're in control, you aren't, they are more manipulative, more calculating, and more evil than you are.

RUN!

All I see are humble brags about guys having girlfriends. LAME!

And there is the more mild but also quite frequently encountered 21st Century personality disorder: The 21st century personality disorder, or 21CPD, is what has replaced borderline personality disorder as the most intense headache for psychiatrists in the new millennium. It's basically narcissism without grandiosity, but with an absolute refusal to consider one's own behavior, expectations, or perceptions of others as being pathological. The problem is always localized externally: "my fiancé is lazy and emotionally abusive, my psychiatrist is an a#&*, my boss is a jerk, my bank is a bunch of criminals (and it's their fault I'm overdrawn), the cops who arrested me for smoking pot are stupid for not spending their time chasing 'real' criminals, my child embarrasses me in public and so I'm taking her to a child psychiatrist." See? The locus is *always* external

I've been dating this woman for 4 years. Both of us are seniors. We live a few hours apart and have been seeing each other every other month. She is okay most of the time, but often goes off on angry belligerent rants, especially about mexicans, blacks, muslims, any other nationality, liberals etc etc, though she doesn't even know what one is. She didn't like Obama or Clinton and would stalk them on the computer and post endless drivel about them. Personally I didn't vote.

She used to go off on me about going hiking, and would accuse me of having sex with all the women on the hikes. One time we were out and she got mad because some woman was talking to me in a store, and she had another total meltdown. Recently she's been better as we've been seeing each other for awhile, and I haven't been hiking for awhile due to an injury.

Anyway I just got back a few days ago, we were on the phone a 1/2 hour ago, she started ranting about liberals and I said Trump is a liberal and she kept getting more crazy, saying did I call her president a liberal? etc etc. Then she said some mexican was parked in a handicapped spot by her place and she was going to tell him off, started to do that and I said "don't go out there, wait" but she went out the door and actually told the guy off for having a handicap sticker, that he didn't deserve it because he was mexican!!! Good grief. So I just listened, then she came back and accused me of dating a mexican 50 years ago.

I told her to talk with her granddaughter and to ask her for advice on how to not act so crazy (her granddaughter doesn't like her talking that way). But she kept talking over me and accusing me of dating a mexican (not that it's a bad idea), so I said hey get some help from your granddaughter, we are done, and she hung up on me haha. I sent her an email saying what a jerk she was, and she was really talking to me in that manner? And I told her to get help.

Now I need some help.

Just run!

I need help ` wrote:

Now I need some help.

I'm not able to run right now due to injury. I'm trying to determine if I should definitely get out of this relationship, and if there's maybe a better one out there for me somewhere, or if this is it. And if this is it, should I stay away from it anyway.

I once dated a woman with BPD when I was younger, and it was a horrible experience. She was an awful person. In the beginning, I genuinely liked her and cared for her. I even felt as though I might be falling in love with her at one point in the relationship, but that quickly began to fade as I learned her true nature. She began to reveal her highly vindictive, possessive and jealous side. I realized that she was behaving emotionally manipulative with me, and exposed her intense fear of abandonment. As these behaviors became more clear to me and she began engaging in manipulative head games, I knew I was in a bad situation. Having been a psychology major at one point in college, and my general knowledge of BPD, I was well aware of the woman I was dealing with. I decided that I needed to get her out of my life, so I broke up with her. During the break up talk, she immediately became the victim of my "horrible" treatment of her. I never told her that I knew she had BPD, but in reaction to her passive aggressive nastiness and emotional manipulation during our break up talk, I told her that I was not her psychologist, which just fueled her BPD rage. She shifted between being the poor, hapless, weeping victim to being the angry, nasty attacker within a matter of seconds. This shifted back and forth a few times during the break up talk. Within an hour after she left my apartment after the talk, she called me and began attacking and insulting me on the phone, which I just calmly dismissed. Even though I knew she was BPD and I did the best thing for myself by ending things with her and I felt relief in this, initially I felt bad for hurting her by breaking up with her. It didn't take long for the raging vindication from her to show its ugly head. Within a few months after the break up, I learned that she was completely devaluing me to other people with outlandish lies about me. She claimed that I was so horrible to her in the end. She did a complete 360 by retracting all the things she told me she liked, loved, appreciated about me, etc.. Instead, now, all these things were the complete opposite of what she had felt. All these ways she had valued me, now became lies and distorted truths to devalue me. She even went so far as to claim that I had tricked her and toyed with her... The lying and distortion of reality was unbelievable. Eventually, I received a bizarre piece of mail that to this day confused me and made no sense to me. But the one thing that I did understand in this was her reference to REVENGE. She wanted to me to know that she was seeking revenge. At the time, I dismissed this message as an empty threat, which later proved to be wrong. Soon after I received the bizarre piece of mail, I discovered her vandalizing my car late at night. I saw that it was her and I saw her driving her car away from the scene. But it wasn't until about 2 weeks later that I actually discovered the mechanical damage she had done to my car by putting something into my gas tank. By this time, it was too late for me to prove she was the culprit. But I had the visual proof and her motive that it was her. In retrospect, I should have had her arrested and charged. She deserved to be punished for her actions. To make matters worse, she continued on with her revenge binge by making horrible accusations about me that temporarily damaged relationships with others and even caused problems for me at my job. She was trying to sabotage my career (but she failed miserably as I remained at this employer for 12 more years). In short, she was doing all that she could to ruin my life. That was her ultimate goal. But try as she might, she always failed. And rightfully so. She was a borderline personality in the throes of vindictive rage. And her repeated, failed attempts to destroy my life always served as grand justice for me. And the best justice that I gained for myself in this is the fact that I ended things with her when I did. Although I received her BPD insanity in so many ways, I still triumphed through her failed attempts to destroy my life and by cutting her out of my life. Good riddance! She was not completely Glen Close from Fatal Attraction, but hell if she wasn't far from it. She's a very sick woman, and I feel bad for the people who have to be a part of her life in any fashion.

She also broke all my return keys and I'm not able to use them anymore.

So she did a complete 360? That must really have been a change of course.

Yeah, I've been thinking about this thread on and off since it first popped up here a couple of years ago (actually thought about it earlier this week). At the time when I read it first I realised that a girl I dated years ago fitted the descriptions given here almost to a T. All the mood swings, anger, abuse, selfishness etc. etc. were reflected in the posts. At the time BPD wasn't something I knew anything of, and have always just thought of her as "the crazy-chick".

Like many other posters here I also lost a lot of very good friends, some of whom I tried to pick up again about 2 years ago year after almost 20 years of no communication, but that didn't work out due to all the time in between. I guess I will always be a bit sad about that as I had some really good friendships of which I will always cherish the memories.

Anyway, after the crazy chick I was a bit messed up and mucked around with women I shouldn't have, but yeah, if you've been through the wringer for 4 years I suppose you tend to have a different perspective on things.

I was lucky to have to good friends that I met after the crazy chick that gave me some stability in life and helped me clear my head. My dad also went through a bad patch (my mom died and he married another woman which didn't work out well) which kind of made me realise that where I am headed is not where I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I met an amazing girl who is absolutely the opposite of the crazy chick. We have been married almost 14 years now and in that time I think we've had maybe 5 semi-fights. My life is pretty much paradise with a loving wife who have in 16 years of being together NEVER played ANY mind games with me, we have 2 amazing kids, I have had stable jobs, started 2 companies with her full support etc. So, in short, I will say that yes you can recover from such relationships but you will need some support and stability in your life and people who you respect to help you believe in a better future. Then it is hard work and commitment every day but you can claw your way out of that mindset / lifestyle.

Doorag wrote:

All I see are humble brags about guys having girlfriends. LAME!

You must be one of the basement dwellers.

I was married to one for close to 4 years. I don't know how we made it that young.

All the traits and my story is similar to everyone else's.

- She had daddy issues and no friends.

- Love bombed me pretty much the day after we met.

- Lost a ton of weight to appear more attractive.

- Broke up for a week, hooked with a dude the day after we broke up (can't be alone).

- Engaged after 10 months of dating (that's on me).

- Cuts off sex right after marriage, but wants a baby right away.

- Verbally abusive, argumentative, doesn't want me to run anymore, hates my friends, my hobbies, my family, my job.

- Gains 40 lbs in the first year of marriage.

- Is on following combination of drugs: Strattera, Lamictal, Cymbalta, and was on other medication that was causing "brain zaps" after she went off it.

- Finally admits she has BDP/Bi-Polar Depression while in marriage counseling.

- The day she called me "a loser" was the day I quit the marriage and filed about a month later.

- Loses 40 lbs.

- Turns out she was fvcking a co-worker in the final year of our marriage, and they are now married with two kids. Bullet dodged!

Remarried now to an awesome woman and everyday is great. Living with someone with BPD is torture. Run as fast as you can from these soul suckers. They don't give a shit about you, only themselves. They hate everyone including themselves.

So with all this feedback, I suggest you pay 3 months rent in advance, leave your clothes, buy new ones.

Leave town and change your name. Preferably go overseas

Not trying to be judgmental, but how do you date for 10 years? If you're not married then what exactly do you have? It's not really a commitment, is it?

Also, why did you put up with this insane behavior for more than six months? These questions are pointed, but my intent is not harsh or to accuse or judge, even though I know that's not what it sounds like.

Simple - you are seniors and live hours away. Go to verizon and change your phone. She'll never find you. She has too many opportunities in her current old peoeple's home. Move on. You have limited time left. Its a rubbish relationship anyway. You'd do better on a 800 line

Sambam wrote:

I'm a girl with BPD...which for years I thought was just severe anxiety. But thats not the point. We can have tendencies to drift our attention because we never feel good enough and we need to feel wanted or to have validation. Yet, we'll push you away because those closest to us make us scared of abandonment. But that doesn't mean we are crazy or we'll cheat. You have to help us, which can be a burden, but we have a lot of depth and uniquness too. The diagnosis comes with a lot if good...just more bad for some than for others.

If BPD is not "crazy" then what is?

I had an almost identical experience. Amazing how strong the pattern is. I also use Fatal Attraction as an exampled when I'm trying to explain it to people. Of course it wasn't quite as bad since I didn't have to shoot the girl, but it was similar enough for the comparison to be accurate. This thread should be required reading for all young men out there. These women are out there, they cannot be fixed, they will RUIN YOUR LIFE. Learn to recognize the signs and RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN if you ever meet a girl you suspect is BPD.