Former resident x 18 years. First, hope none of the people you want to train with read this thread because you come off as a huge d-bag.
"Just how bad is the running scene there?"
-If you go into anything with this kind of attitude, you are going to get what you deserve.
"hot, humid, hilly...cold, windy, hilly..."
-Are you really as fast as you claim to be? If you are, then the conditions shouldn't bother you. It's certainly not hotter than the south in the summer and people seem to survive running just fine. Get up early, or stay up late, and the temps aren't too bad. Same as pretty much everywhere else in the country. If you are really from New England then the winter will be nothing to you can't handle.
Hills? Did you actually complain about hills? I would be more bothered by a town like Chicago where you have to seek out hills. Either way, relax, there is plenty of flat trails you can run on.
"I'm trying to qualify for the Trails and need to shave off a between two and three minutes. Does this move pretty much end my mediocre running career?"
-Was that the best humblebrag you could come up with? Buddy, we know you aren't nationally elite, cause if you were, you wouldn't be posting here. So no need to suggest anyone who is gunning for a trials Q-time is mediocre. It's obvious from your post that you think pretty highly of yourself, not need to hide behind false modesty.
"Now I'm going to insult most of the people that post here and bait them into replying by telling them not to reply." [paraphrased]
-Not sure what you hoped to accomplish with that last little paragraph of yours, but good luck to you. For Omaha's sake, I kinda hope your girlfriend dumps you and you don't move there. But if you do, maybe get over yourself and your preconceived notions and you might just have a good time.