oh yeah, women want equality, until divorce

As far as laws I honestly don't have any. I do have this however. When I went to my lawyer and spoke to him his words were. If you were a woman we would go for full custody and child support and get the house however with you being the man the best way to do this is to try to keep it out of court. Stay in touch with her make her feel guilty that she ruined your life and that you still love her and try to get a 50/50 split it is the best you can hope for. If she goes to court and wants custody we will have a hard time fighting it due to the fact that she is the mother and given the benefit of the doubt as the better parent.

After finding out about other men being over there, having documentation, and even police witnesses the lawyer said if you were a woman again we would go and get the kids not problem however if we go to court the lawyer will jsut give her a lap on the wrist and it will cost you a lot.

I live in the south and that is what I have heard from other men in my situtation. Also before people start slamming my lawyer. He has 35 years of experience and for 3 women I work with has done very well for them. I honestly feel as though I got out very lucky from what I have heard from other men.

Thanks. Nice post.

I live in California and my experience regarding these issues is based only upon what I have seen in this state. It could be that laws or prejudices are different in different states. I really don't know.

The kids do hate him. the ex has them trained to think that way. sad but true. none of this is made up. i wish it were. i wish the guy was still in the army as a master seargent or whatever. i wish the kids weren't entitled spoiled brats who think their dad is a loser because he only makes 40k a year and cant send them all to ivy league schools.

The Master TrolI wrote:

I went there once wrote:

my 41 year old brother in law was married at 22, had 3 kids, wifey threatened to divorce him because she hated being an army wife. he leaves his army career in bid to keep family together. bitch leaves him anyway, remarries a rich guy. they get a McMansion , 2 SUVs , a boat, etc.

he lives with his parents , crushed by child support payments ( which thankfully end soon ) . his life has been a steaming pole of shit since 1996 because of that bitch. and his kids hate him. beware of women and marriage you young guys. and always use protection. women will ruin your lives if you get the wrong one.

Source?

You stole my handle.

The Master Troll wrote:

The Master TrolI wrote:

Source?

You stole my handle.

Well, not exactly.

Stick to non-English speaking, mail order brides, or women over the age of 75.

I went there once wrote:

my 41 year old brother in law was married at 22, had 3 kids, wifey threatened to divorce him because she hated being an army wife. he leaves his army career in bid to keep family together. bitch leaves him anyway, remarries a rich guy. they get a McMansion , 2 SUVs , a boat, etc.

he lives with his parents , crushed by child support payments ( which thankfully end soon ) . his life has been a steaming pole of shit since 1996 because of that bitch. and his kids hate him. beware of women and marriage you young guys. and always use protection. women will ruin your lives if you get the wrong one.

Why do the kids hate him?

Tell me More wrote:

I went there once wrote:

my 41 year old brother in law was married at 22, had 3 kids, wifey threatened to divorce him because she hated being an army wife. he leaves his army career in bid to keep family together. bitch leaves him anyway, remarries a rich guy. they get a McMansion , 2 SUVs , a boat, etc.

he lives with his parents , crushed by child support payments ( which thankfully end soon ) . his life has been a steaming pole of shit since 1996 because of that bitch. and his kids hate him. beware of women and marriage you young guys. and always use protection. women will ruin your lives if you get the wrong one.

Why do the kids hate him?

Because the mother taught them to. It's the ultimate weapon in the womans arsenal.

Apigsheaven wrote:

Tell me More wrote:

Why do the kids hate him?

Because the mother taught them to. It's the ultimate weapon in the womans arsenal.

That's just pathetically sad. A good f*cking reminder why I've never married after 50yrs.

Apigsheaven wrote:

Because the mother taught them to. It's the ultimate weapon in the womans arsenal.

Apparently, no. The ultimate weapon in a woman's arsenal is waking up from the misogynist haze and freeing herself from the chains that bind her to live in domestic servitude to men. The hatred expressed toward divorced women in this string of posts is testament to that fact. Men expect women to freely assimilate into the patriarchal culture of marriage. Women are reviled when instead they buck the system and free themselves from being beaten, cheated on, denigrated, bullied, manipulated, oppressed, sexually dominated and stuck with all the diaper changing and toilet cleaning duties.

Marriage is the ultimate unit of replication of the patriarchy.

Women, proceed with caution!

Should be asked wrote:

Can you cite the laws that say that there would be any difference whatsoever in outcomes depending upon your gender?

I have some experience with these types of situations and several of the notions that either you have expressed or often go along with what you have expressed seem to be more myth than reality, at least within numerous court proceedings that I have witnessed.

1) The woman is NOT considered better for the children. Every time this has come up in court cases that I have seen it is completely shut down by the judge or mediator.

I'd be interested in seeing these laws that say women should be favored in matters of kids and money because it flies in the face of all my experience to date.

In my case I went to court for a preliminary hearing (we were just setting a trial date) and the JDR judge said, "Well, whatever she says is best for the children is what I am going to rule is best for them since she's the mother." The guy didn't know either of us from Adam or Eve and had not heard one fact. So, you are right, the formal laws in my state say nothing at all about one gender being preferred. The reality in the courtroom is quite different.

A Photograph of You wrote:

I may have had the easiest divorce of all time. No children either in the three years I was married.

We basically just filed the paper work. No alimony, a 50/50 of split of our checking/savings (my wife and I worked full time and both had benefits and 401K ).

We luckily sold our house (but lived in the place together for 5 months after we agreed to separate and until it was sold).

Went to the county courthouse for our hearing and BAM it was over.

No lawyers, nothing.

I think I got off easy because I didn't f**k up our relationship. I treated my wife like a queen, but she was a b*tch to me and she knew it, her parents knew it, and our marriage counselor knew it.

Depends on who you marry.

We didn't bother with a lawyer, her Dad did all the paperwork. I kept the house, she kept the savings. Done.

make me retch wrote:

Apigsheaven wrote:

Because the mother taught them to. It's the ultimate weapon in the womans arsenal.

Apparently, no. The ultimate weapon in a woman's arsenal is waking up from the misogynist haze and freeing herself from the chains that bind her to live in domestic servitude to men. The hatred expressed toward divorced women in this string of posts is testament to that fact. Men expect women to freely assimilate into the patriarchal culture of marriage. Women are reviled when instead they buck the system and free themselves from being beaten, cheated on, denigrated, bullied, manipulated, oppressed, sexually dominated and stuck with all the diaper changing and toilet cleaning duties.

Marriage is the ultimate unit of replication of the patriarchy.

Women, proceed with caution!

Let me guess, you're a women's studies major trained to hate men without reason and you have convinced yourself that this is how marriage actually works?

never trust a woman ever.

always make a pre-nup. get a good lawyer and make a good pre-nup.

Should be asked wrote:

2) Having multiple sex partners is not considered to be relevant. "Fault" as in, "who was the ass who ruined the marriage" is not considered to be relevant.

I'll throw in my two cents here: Like the guy you responded to, I live in the South, and have seen far too many men friends of mine either lost custody altogether or be on the receiving end of some seriously unfair treatment. How is it fair that a good devoted father can only see his kids every other weekend and any deviation from this requires legal approval? I have two good friends (men) who got custody of their children over the mother, and in both cases it took multiple arrests and eventual incarceration of the mother and STILL required jumping through unbelievable legal hoops.

Related to this is the fact that that above notion is a serious problem in my opinion. If a spouse (either spouse) is a disgusting human being and breaks or otherwise destroys the contract of marriage, that should be held against the person. It is harmful to children to see/know one parent cheat on the other one or be abusive to the other one. The cheater or abusive parent should be penalized for those actions. Or at the very least, it should be a consideration in deliberation.

SFH isnot your personal toilet wrote:

...the wife-and-mother’s cavernous receptacle...

*shudders* ewwwww.

Better story. Married at 23. Have 2 kids but no SUV. Love my wife more today than the day we got married. Enjoy dating her, enjoy her support, enjoy being best friends. She's in great shape by virtue of an effort to do so, and is adventurous to boot.It is possible. Marry your best friend, and then WORK ON the friendship.

I went there once wrote:

my 41 year old brother in law was married at 22, had 3 kids, wifey threatened to divorce him because she hated being an army wife. he leaves his army career in bid to keep family together. bitch leaves him anyway, remarries a rich guy. they get a McMansion , 2 SUVs , a boat, etc.

he lives with his parents , crushed by child support payments ( which thankfully end soon ) . his life has been a steaming pole of shit since 1996 because of that bitch. and his kids hate him. beware of women and marriage you young guys. and always use protection. women will ruin your lives if you get the wrong one.

Living in CT, I got custody of my 2 sons at age 4 and 7. The words of the family relations counselor were, "You're lucky in this state to get that done. If I were you I wouldn't push anything else." As a result, this woman who put me through hell for 12 years, got half my pension, half the house, half the savings and contributed $60.00 a week to child support for years. All after she flat out refused to work. She put the kids in day care, which I funded. When I would get home from work, I'd have to get the kids, because she was too exhausted from working out and pursuing her Olympic career to bother with them. If they were sick, I took the day off to be with them. Now, years later, one in college and the other headed there, there is little if any support for their education. When asked to assist the response is "What do you think I paid child support for?" This despite her now being very well off after marrying our financial advisor. Who by the way, made off with our retirement/education funds.

Are there some deadbeat dads out there? Are there atrocious husbands out there? Yes, but there are also good fathers and husbands who get shafted because they are men.

A few cents as well:

I have seen many, many men here in CA complain about exactly the same kinds of things that you are talking about. Whenever I delve deeper into what actually happened it always turns up that they are misunderstanding what actually happened or misrepresenting it. For example, take the sentence:

How is it fair that a good devoted father can only see his kids every other weekend and any deviation from this requires legal approval?

The truth in every case that I have seen is that seeing kids every other weekend is what the father agreed to in the first place. Why did he do so? Various reasons. Many times it is ignorance - just a feeling that he had no power and simply accepted that this was the way it was supposed to be. Then, "any deviation from this requires legal approval". Of course any deviation requires legal approval. Any deviation from any agreement is going to require court approval.

In every case that I have seen where the father understands his legal rights and pursues joint custody that is exactly the outcome that is achieved. How is this unfair?

The problem is so many men simply have this unfounded belief that the courts are somehow stacked against them or they don't really care enough to hire a decent lawyer and provide decent living accommodations for their children. Or they can't be inconvenienced at their work which will be required pretty much every week in order to take care of the kids before school, after school, when they are sick... They only care enough to bitch and moan about how unfair the system is.

Don't get me wrong. Women play the same game. They bitch and moan about how unfair the system is because ultimately they make the opposite choices that men make. They neglect their careers and focus on the children and then are bitter about the fact that their exes make tons more than they do and eventually spousal support and child support end and then where does that leave the ex-wife/mother?

Both genders bitch and moan and inaccurately represent the "unfairness" of the system. They tend to make opposite choices and so are bitter about opposite ends of this so-called unfairness. In reality the system is largely fair and unbiased. And if folks would simply take the time to learn their rights, hire a decent lawyer and recognize that they are only going to get half of what they want they wouldn't have this illusion of "Oh, the unfairness of it all..."