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Boarder from Sante Fe
When can I get married? 12/26/2012 4:47PM Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
So here's the deal: I met a girl a couple months ago through a mutual friend and we hit it off immediately, she's perfect. We live three hours away but it's not a big deal other than it sucks for right now. She finishes professional school in a year, I have flexibility to move. Haven't spoken explicitly but we both want to get married sooner than later. When is the soonest we can get married? My brother once said 6 years which seems ridiculous. Not talking shotgun, but like general rules in mind, like time for a well-prepared wedding, living arrangement consideration, etc. Staying with her family next week, wish me luck

-Boarder from Sante Fe
luv2run
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 4:52PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
When you think you are ready and then wait 6 more months.
Jingle bells
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 5:14PM - in reply to luv2run Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

luv2run wrote:

When you think you are ready and then wait 6 more months.


^ this and I can't imagine doing it without living together for a little while.
ya.....
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 5:18PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Name 5 things about her that you don't like/don't agree with. Once you've identified those, how do you (personally, not collaboratively) deal with them?

If you can't answer those questions, don't start thinking about marriage. Literally. People get all tied up in remembering how they wanted to marry so and so when everything was great and they thought the person was perfect, then if it goes to shit, that only causes you to hold on for way too long.
Boarder from Sante Fe
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 5:48PM - in reply to Jingle bells Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Jingle bells wrote:
I can't imagine doing it without living together for a little while.


Would never live together b/c

- disrespectful to her

- would piss off my family (and hers)

- statistically speaking, living together before marriage correlates with a much higher divorce rate

Could only imagine living together if we're already engaged and are both moving a long ways, like to a different state, and even then it's a tough sell
webfoot
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 5:58PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:


Jingle bells wrote:
I can't imagine doing it without living together for a little while.


Would never live together b/c

- disrespectful to her

- would piss off my family (and hers)

- statistically speaking, living together before marriage correlates with a much higher divorce rate

Could only imagine living together if we're already engaged and are both moving a long ways, like to a different state, and even then it's a tough sell


What are you, 18 years old? The items on your list are not considerations for an adult.

Wait until you are older. I forbid you to think about marriage until you are at least 30-yrs-old.
honestly 123
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 6:08PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:

she's perfect.


Big red flag.
fundamentality
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 6:15PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:When can I get married?

-Boarder from Sante Fe


As soon as you can con some innocent girl into taking your hand in marriage. Be sure not to show your true colors- i.e., speaking in a deragatory manner about women in front of her, exposing her to your perverse fetishes, leaving your festering crap around for her to clean up and being a total jacka$$ grump- until after you're married for at least a year. Then you can pull out all the stops out and be a total dick.

kapish?
jingle bells
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 6:16PM - in reply to honestly 123 Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

honestly 123 wrote:


Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:

she's perfect.


Big red flag.


Good point.
Some lunatic
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 6:37PM - in reply to fundamentality Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

fundamentality wrote:


Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:When can I get married?

-Boarder from Sante Fe


As soon as you can con some innocent girl into taking your hand in marriage. Be sure not to show your true colors- i.e., speaking in a deragatory manner about women in front of her, exposing her to your perverse fetishes, leaving your festering crap around for her to clean up and being a total jacka$$ grump- until after you're married for at least a year. Then you can pull out all the stops out and be a total dick.

kapish?


Do you need a hug?
feminitity
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 7:06PM - in reply to Some lunatic Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
As a man-hating humorless hairy feminist, I’m not overly concerned with a dude’s right to stick his dick into whatever he fancies; as history has shown, dudes will prevail, and the peen will find a way. Neither do I consider marriage — that primary unit of patriarchy — to be the holy grail of equality it’s cracked up to be. But if you’re going to incorporate a behavior (such as pronging or marrying) into the standard cultural repertoire, it must be sanctioned across the board, not just within the group that happens to conform more sanctimoniously to some arbitrary, imaginary “moral” construct imposed to further their own interests by a ruling class of oppressors and a$$holes.

Marry a guy and leave us the f- alone!
Some lunatic
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 7:12PM - in reply to feminitity Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

feminitity wrote:

As a man-hating humorless hairy feminist, I’m not overly concerned with a dude’s right to stick his dick into whatever he fancies; as history has shown, dudes will prevail, and the peen will find a way. Neither do I consider marriage — that primary unit of patriarchy — to be the holy grail of equality it’s cracked up to be. But if you’re going to incorporate a behavior (such as pronging or marrying) into the standard cultural repertoire, it must be sanctioned across the board, not just within the group that happens to conform more sanctimoniously to some arbitrary, imaginary “moral” construct imposed to further their own interests by a ruling class of oppressors and a$$holes.

Marry a guy and leave us the f- alone!


I love you.
Fwiw2u
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 7:12PM - in reply to feminitity Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
On one hand I hate this macho diatribe, on the other hand it seems good if u can handle it

http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/01/21/pick-the-right-wife/
JoeyJoeJoeJrShabadoo
RE: When can I get married? 12/26/2012 11:46PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Dude did you really just say you would never live together unless you're engaged first? Man you are setting yourself up for failure big time. I was with my last gf for 3 years, and marriage was almost a guarantee for us in the future. Then we moved in together, and within like 8 months we had broken up. Hanging out with someone you love a few times a week is VERY DIFFERENT than being around them several hours a day, 7 days a week. And don't even think my story is uncommon. Moving in together changes everything.
Boarder from Sante Fe
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 12:56AM - in reply to JoeyJoeJoeJrShabadoo Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Yeah man, living together isn't easy, and can even be the hardest part. Would never expect it to be easy. But a relationship is something u work on and if u love and are committed to someone it will work out.

What was the hardest part about living with her? Why did it not work out? Are you happier now than before?

One thing I imagine is imagining the girl u love just taking a fat dump. Just a huge dirty squirter that stains the bowl. You have to accept that. If ur not committed to loving the person how can u be committed to cohabiting?

Living together is a modern convention with no basis that statistically demonstrates its ineffectiveness.
. . .
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 7:00AM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
please don't marry this girl within the next 2 or 3 years. everything about your post screams virgin noob. maybe she is perfect, but you sound infatuated.

i hope it works out for you. also i see people reference this statistics that say moving in before marrying reduces chance of marital success. could you share them? its always the same types that highlight this fact, no offense.
stick with eharmony
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 7:02AM - in reply to . . . Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
OP you sound very eager to settle down, why is this? What is the rush to get married. I would wait a long time, by a long time at least year before you think about getting married. Heck I wouldn't even get married in this day in age.
SDgdra
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 12:28PM - in reply to Boarder from Sante Fe Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
OP- Don't ask for life advice from these people. If you know this is the girl you want to marry, date for at least a year and then go for it. When you know, you know. There is no reason to wait 8 years. It is correct that there is a greater divorce rate for couples who live together before marriage. This is ironic because people who do this actually think they are helping their future marriage. Read the book The Defining Decade and you'll realize how much evidence there is that delaying marriage is a bad idea.
. . .
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 12:33PM - in reply to SDgdra Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
you all just keep saying there is this collection of evidence that seems to contradict logic.

show some evidence.


SDgdra wrote:

OP- Don't ask for life advice from these people. If you know this is the girl you want to marry, date for at least a year and then go for it. When you know, you know. There is no reason to wait 8 years. It is correct that there is a greater divorce rate for couples who live together before marriage. This is ironic because people who do this actually think they are helping their future marriage. Read the book The Defining Decade and you'll realize how much evidence there is that delaying marriage is a bad idea.
caller outer
RE: When can I get married? 12/27/2012 12:43PM - in reply to honestly 123 Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

honestly 123 wrote:


Boarder from Sante Fe wrote:

she's perfect.


Big red flag.


Absolutely. "She's perfect" really means "I don't know her well enough to have discovered her flaws, imperfections, and insecurities that every person on the planet has".
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