If you want to give up on yourself, that's your choice. But the fact that you keep talking about it tells me you are tired of running around in circles and just want someone else to get you to where you want to be. You still care about your life. Take a breather. Go for a hike even if you don't feel like it. It will help you see yourself a little more clearly as someone who is a lot stronger than he thinks he is. Seriously. I would hike to the top of somethin somethin take out a pen and paper and write down all the specific @hit I've survived in my life. Maybe not succeeded perfectly at, but stuff I made it through. When you see that list as a whole, you will see youself more accuately as a total fighter and worthy of competing at the elite level.