Office of Admissions
8 December 2012
Dear Mr. O. Rly,
We are delighted to offer you early admission to Stanford, together with a Presidential Scholarship of $50,000 per annum, in recognition of your astute observation that we really don't seek good students and superior athletes. As you so correctly noted, we simply admit people in an entirely random fashion, because we feel like it.
While we note that you have no other accomplishments to speak of, such as winning Footlocker twice in succession or traveling halfway around the world in pursuit of education, we would clearly be remiss if we failed to recognize the brilliance of your recent message board work.
With my sincere congratulations and utmost respect,
Dr. Adam Madronius
President, Stanford University