Being in a relationship with someone you're not very physically attracted to?

redux, do not despair, I'm sure your vivid imagination some day will get you laid.

not shallow but wrote:

And even then I often have to think of other women in order to climax. It's terrible. I feel bad.

I guess this must be how marriage is after 10+ years, huh?

Married 10 years and do not need to think of other women when I am with her.

In fact, when I am with other women, I tend to think of her in order to climax.

Sheesh. All I said was that I've dated a lot of women, been in a few long-term relationships, and found the practice to be unfullfilling. I never said I was a hot commodity. Or the most awesome guy around. You inferred it.

I think people should be free to have open relationships if all parties involved agree. If not, move on and look for someone who shares your thoughts on relationships. Whether you want to be committed or not is your choice and no one should feel like they have to accept a type of relationship they aren't happy in.

Want to date a dude/girl or two? That's cool. Want to date one girl, get married, and focus on that as your sole romantic relationship for the rest of your lives? That's cool too. Just don't force other people to accept those constraints against their wills.

OP isn't happy with his current girl and wants to be free to date whoever he wants based on their looks. That's cool for him. He just needs to tell her whats up instead of lying to her and staying in an unfullfilling relationship and cheat her out of a fulfilling one with someone who actually wants to be with just her.

I'm talking about honest and equitable interpersonal relationships, not how awesome you think I think I am.

redux wrote:

I'm talking about honest and equitable interpersonal relationships

Sorry- that's an ideal that is just not attainable (for women) in a patriarchal society. Women are dealt an unfair hand at birth and, as a result, most sell themselves short (i.e., resign their lives to men and the patriarchy) out of fear and/or ignorance.

I'm not going to willingly live my life under unfair constraints that I don't have to. I always make a point to empower every female I know.

redux, how you always so damn cool under pressure?

PBJ wrote:

Married 10 years and do not need to think of other women when I am with her.

In fact, when I am with other women, I tend to think of her in order to climax.

POD

redux -

You rock, and it's immature and judgmental of others to be critical of your views just because they may not be "mainstream". I thought your first post on this thread was great! As usual, your viewpoint was valid & logical. Keep posting, bro!

redux wrote:

Sheesh. Don't be so literal, brotato. It's a figure of speech.

And the metaphor implies that my eyes are not lazy because they are always roaming about. So there.

Did you really just say, "So there"?!?

OK, this guy definitely got it right:

"It's okay. Most gay guys force themselves to date a few girls before admitting to themselves that they aren't into it."

This thread is pointless without pics and we know that isn't going to happen because we are dealing with a troll.

SisterSister wrote:

redux -

You rock, and it's immature and judgmental of others to be critical of your views just because they may not be "mainstream". I thought your first post on this thread was great! As usual, your viewpoint was valid & logical. Keep posting, bro!

Don't you feel even slightly awkward patting yourself on the back? Lame, really lame.

I feel tempted to jump in with my story but nobody here would believe it anyway. So just take this away: Relationships without physical attraction don't work for anyone under 50 and not for many over 50 either. And not all attractive women are nuts, not even most of them, but nobody's perfect in every way.

These are the facts of the case and they are indisputable.

redux wrote:

I'm not going to willingly live my life under unfair constraints that I don't have to. I always make a point to empower every female I know.

Fine by me. But don't expect women to readily accept your lifestyle- which, for the record, I don't personally find offensive (assuming there truly was equality between the sexes). Also, don't fool yourself into thinking that you " empower every female you know". I've seen your remarks and it's clear you enjoy wielding power over women.

Oooh. Lots of talking there. I didn't mean to hit a soft spot this early in the treatment. My bad. We'll try to restore your confidence before we delve further into your disorder.

word from a spinster aunt wrote:

Sorry- that's an ideal that is just not attainable (for women) in a patriarchal society. Women are dealt an unfair hand at birth and, as a result, most sell themselves short (i.e., resign their lives to men and the patriarchy) out of fear and/or ignorance.

redux wrote:

I'm not going to willingly live my life under unfair constraints that I don't have to. I always make a point to empower every female I know.

You empower females? Ummm...how does that work again? You mean they need you to empower them? Are they 12 years old or something?

Dude, you are hilarious.

You got me. I'm a gay misogynist. Please post your email so I can contact you for counseling.

You kind of have to be emotionally invested in the relationship for the physical attraction to last. Your eyes will continue to wander throughout life no matter who you are married to, and anyone who says they won't is a liar (look at Tiger Woods for example: lots of money, not good looking, but already had a hot wife that wasn't enough). At some point though, if you fall in love with her or another woman and are happy, you should be able to realize that what you have is better than having random hook-ups without a solid relationship. And you have to make a committment that this is the person you are going to be with and will do whatever it takes to make it work out. If you have been dating for 6 months and don't find yourself falling in love, especially when you are having sex, you need to end it...seriously. It may be easier for you to let go months from now but you can't say the same for her, and her Mr. Right could be passing her way while you keep her on the hook so she will miss out on him. And you might be missing out too. For those ripping on Redux, everyone is entitled to their opinion and feelings. I think if he met the right woman he would change his mind, but maybe not.

not shallow but wrote:

I'm a decent looking guy and usually date pretty good looking girls. However, recently I've been dating a girl who is pretty plain-jane, really not very hot at all. She's not ugly, but I don't think she's really ever turned any heads. We get along really well, laugh together, enjoy each other's company, but I'm finding my eyes wandering a lot. It's as if I see as nothing more than a friend, but due to the fact I'm a guy and have sex with her because she's willing. And even then I often have to think of other women in order to climax. It's terrible. I feel bad.

Anyone been there? Advice? I guess this must be how marriage is after 10+ years, huh?

really?????? wrote:

For those ripping on Redux, everyone is entitled to their opinion and feelings. I think if he met the right woman he would change his mind, but maybe not.

How can a gay guy meet the right woman?