My criminal drug-addict brother needs me to drive him to our parent's place 4 hours away. Yes or No?

Wow, you'd have to drive him all the way from PLACETOWN to HOMETOWN!? I wouldn't do it, man.

Sorry about your brother. That sounds like a tough situation. Could you send him money for him to take a bus to meet where you live? Then you can drive together to your mom's. You'll still have to spend time together in the car, but at least you don't have to drive out of your way, and your mom will probably be happy you come together.

get him a bus ticket and then get a book on tape to listen to during the ride.

If he is a drug addict, don't give him money. You're SOL. No matter what, you're gonna get pulled into addict family drama. If you drive him, you'll be participating in your mother's enabling and setting an expectation that you'll participate in the future. If you don't, you're mother is probably gonna give you hell. I would stick to my convictions and say no. If you do this, be prepared for conflict with your mom.

Good luck.

here you go wrote:

Sorry about your brother. That sounds like a tough situation. Could you send him money for him to take a bus to meet where you live? Then you can drive together to your mom's. You'll still have to spend time together in the car, but at least you don't have to drive out of your way, and your mom will probably be happy you come together.

This is the best possible scenario. If you can't pull this off, then you need to consider the major pain in the ass of the full pick-up and delivery to Hometown. Yeah , it sucks, but sounds like you bro is a general good for nothing. If he had done something harmful specifically to you then you could blow him off entirely.

He's your brother, and always will be.

End of Thread.

He's stolen hundreds of dollars from me over the years (while I was in junior high and high school) and threatened to kill me during one of his meth episodes. He's stolen hundreds of dollars from everyone else in the family as well, and has threatened violence against others in the family. He at one time owned a handgun, and he's hated me for years since I was a "kiss-ass" since I never went to jail etc.

Like I say, he's somewhat mentally retarded now from long term substance abuse, and he's forever having trouble with the law, gets beat up multiple times each year for picking fights, etc etc etc. After thinking about it some, I don't think I will go get him, and I sure as hell ain't paying for him to take a bus of any kind. If my mom wants to pay the $100 to bus him from Placetown to Hometown she can. It's not my problem.

No. Don't help him or have anything to do with him. Your mother's enabling is a reflection of her character flaws and you shouldn't give in to her, either.

Don't drive him and if you do search him before he gets in your car. If you get stopped and he has meth he will prob blame you.

I think you should give him a shot and make the trek from PLACETOWN TO HOMETOWN. Don't expect too much, but this sounds like it has the makings of a great buddy road trip, on par with the Steve Martin John Candy romp "Planes, Trains and Automobiles."

Maybe the big fella is ready to make amends? The trip could be just the opportunity that he needs. Either way, bringing him will make your Mom happy. Bottom line, making Mom happy is why we are here.

Sounds like someone needs to read the parable of the prodigal son.

I feel for you...sounds a lot like my brother. My mother died before my brother could ever get his shit together (he is somehow still alive and still an addict - started messing with meth and coke at age 16...many years off and on, he's 55 now) - she enabled him the entire time - mothers can't stop themselves.

I suggest you offer to give him a ride but only if he is sober at the time you pick him up (or at least acting sober). Warn him that the slightest screw up on his part during the ride will result in you dumping his ass on the side of the road - be a real hard-ass. I've had luck with this approach of being a hard-ass and tough - you'll find he'll behave while around you for the most part...you'll also find he'll prefer not to be around you too...which is nice.

Has he ever tried to make amends or apologize for he past f-ups? How long ago was this? Why does he call your sister and not you?

random a hole wrote:

Has he ever tried to make amends or apologize for he past f-ups? How long ago was this? Why does he call your sister and not you?

I cannot remember hearing him say he was sorry a single time in my entire life. He blames everyone else for his problems. He didn't call me because he doesn't have my number or know where I live. Like I said, I have as little to do with him as possible, and it's only been the times I've visited my mother that I've seen him at all over the last 4 years. If he knew where I lived, he would show up with all his problems as he does to other people in the family (showed up on my sister's doorstep drunk, out of money, no car, no way to get back to Hometown, and needed to sleep on her couch for a few days, etc).

How long ago? What are you talking about? He's been a problem his entire life, has been on drugs for 10+ years, and is still a mess and has never apologized for anything as he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. And I must stress again: his brain is fried, he's somewhat mentally retarded, you can't just tell him to behave himself and expect him to do it as he doesn't even understand what behaving himself is. You can tell him to shut up and he keeps talking. It doesn't matter what you say to him. I don't think you guys understand what it's like to be around people who are either a) on hard drugs or b) have destroyed their brains from hard drugs.

OK. He is on his own getting to mom's. Carry on.

If you're so sure what's best for you, why did you start the thread? I don't know much about people who do hard drugs, but I know about abuse. After much consideration, I decided it was best for me to maintain a relationship with my family.

Try to let go off your anger. Just accept that things are messed up--there is no such a thing as a perfect family.

hatrest wrote:

He's your brother, and always will be.

End of Thread.

I agree with this person and can't believe everyone is being so harsh.

This is your BROTHER. He certainly doesn't deserve your help but it's Thanksgiving for Christ's sake. Spending four hours of your time to possibly help a family member once every few years isn't asking too much.

He doesn't deserve it but you should do it.

Go get him. Maybe put him on the bus on the way home so you save 3 hour and so he can't spend the money. Let him enjoy the holiday. His life sucks. Be a better person.

Anger? What are you talking about? Do you avoid people who want to rob you blind because you're angry with them? No, you avoid people like that because they cause you problems. That's all.

No offense, Rojo, but you're an idiot. Why don't you go volunteer your time in a prison shower for four hours once every few years. Nobody wants anything to do with him. He's not even going to be at Thanksgiving because nobody wants him there and if he showed up, no one would come for

a holiday again. No one can stand him, and no one wants his toxicity to be a part of their life.

As for why I started this thread, I was unsure of what I would do when I started it. I've since made up my mind.