Running and Obsession/Addiction/Depression

This is a really interesting post. I have been injured for over a year, had plans to run in college, and to be honest, I still can't let go of running. I feel like I won't ever be happy without running. So I don't have any advice. OK, well sort of....Find other things you enjoy. Pursue other passions. If you don't have any other passions, find them when it's on your own terms. You will be a lot better off if you find things you enjoy other than running WHILE you can still run, than you would be if you waited until you were injured or couldn't run for whatever reason, and were then forced to make yourself pursue other things just to keep from going crazy. It's hard. I'm struggling...a lot. But that's my two cents. Good post.

I remember this book being mentioned as discussing "addiction" to running; I've heard it was good. Lore of Running has a good section on it too (basically, you probably aren't addicted to running, and shouldn't worry about it unless it is unduly interfering with other aspects of your life).

In my opinion and I am no psychologist, we become addicted to running for a few reasons.

1. It's something we can control

2. Gives us a HUGE sense of acomplishment and leads to an incredible natural high

3. It's one of the most natural things a person can do

4. Makes us feel good about ourselves and builds confidence

5. Improvement is almost limitless. The more we can devote the better we get.

I don't think all addictions are negative. I think if running makes you feel good and leads to happiness keep on doing it.

Hmmm... I am an extremely obsessive person, and I have had multiple addictions (some mostly good, some mostly bad), and I was certainly completely obsessed with my running in high school. I was not a mid-life crisis runner, but I did stumble onto running as a freshman in high school and, after being overweight for most of my life up to then, felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I had a lot of success on the track team, and the praise and respect I earned for that was an incredible reward to fuel my obsession. The thing is, I never enjoyed running THAT much. It was somewhat of a compulsion. But I did enjoy it, and I enjoyed my teammates and the success we had as a team (I laugh with I think about me laughing at my coach who said that the team accomplishments would mean the most to us, because that has sure proven the case for me as I am closing in on being a decade removed from high school (YIKES)).

I felt like a big burden was lifted when I stopped running competitively in college, though. The problem is that except for a few short periods, I've never found anything that has replaced running and academic performance in my life - those things provided goals for me and gave me "something to do" with my life, and it's been easy for me to say "what's the point?" when I've been tempted to pursue other things in a similarly passionate fashion, even though I know that I need a healthier "obsession" to get me out of bed in the morning and to give me a sense of purpose.

It's rough wrote:

This is a really interesting post. I have been injured for over a year, had plans to run in college, and to be honest, I still can't let go of running. I feel like I won't ever be happy without running. So I don't have any advice. OK, well sort of....Find other things you enjoy. Pursue other passions. If you don't have any other passions, find them when it's on your own terms. You will be a lot better off if you find things you enjoy other than running WHILE you can still run, than you would be if you waited until you were injured or couldn't run for whatever reason, and were then forced to make yourself pursue other things just to keep from going crazy. It's hard. I'm struggling...a lot. But that's my two cents. Good post.

I sympathize. Running is a great obsession until you get hurt real bad. I was ripping off 120-mile weeks and living large a few years ago, but I'm something of a shell of my former self, having been battered down by many, many injuries and setbacks. Still looking for answers, hoping I'll figure it out, but also seriously toying with giving up on it all, just because I'm so exasperated and I feel like I "ought" to move on.

I totally know what you are talking about and am glad that you see the pattern. I believe that if our parents loved us unconditionally and if it was a "felt" love, then we grow up feeling and knowing that we are lovable just in the fact that we exist. On the other hand, if our parents love was conditional based on actions that we did or didn't do, then we become obsessed with accomplishing this or that goal. We don't know what it is like to sit there and receive the love of our spouses, children, etc, and we miss out on how good it could really feel to just be still while feeling their warmth. Since we don't fully know how to allow ourselves to feel this, we are driven to feel something we perceive as better than what we are currently feeling, which is empty. If we obsess about running, then we don't have to even really feel. We can stay up in our heads. If we can only run this or that time, then we will judge ourselves as lovable, but then there will always be another goal.

Some people on this site incite the kind of narcissistic thinking that can drive someone who feels unlovable to strive to be more than they are. There are people on this site who will call you names, "troll," "fat," "old," "stupid," etc. Unless you run 100 mpw, you know nothing. Unless you broke 14 in the 5k, your posts aren't worth reading. Some people make personal attacks rather than focusing on addressing the content of what someone wrote.

All of this can make someone strive to prove that they are "not a troll," "lean," "young" or "relevant," "intelligent," etc., in order to be seen as lovable. The truth is that no one else gets to determine our worth. We could quit running today and have as much worth as we have now.

All this said, my wife is on the couch waiting for me to get off of this message board. I think I had better go now and do what is right, that is, what is right for me.

If you have time, check out the videos at

http://www.vaticanvalues.com/power_of_being

. Video 3 (scroll down that page) addresses something called self-affirmation which is relevant.

Well can you run at all? Are you still in school? I've found that really focusing on school at least gives me something productive to do. I'm not happy by any means, but at least I don't feel like I'm doing nothing of value.

Midlife crisis running beats being a religious nut, a war of warcraft nut, gambling nut, sex nut, and many other nuts.

bump

This topic is relevant to most of us who center our lives around running. I don't have the answer for it. Now injured, life feels meaningless. I suppose if you have a family and a good job that you enjoy it would be different. Finding other things you're passionate about is no that easy. You simply can't fake true love and I love running.

Quit your bitching. I am the same way but unfortuneately I was a fast runner who concentrated only on running when I was younger and now make 30k a year. Yeah. You have a tendency to be obsessive and that is not conducive to a well-rounded life, especially with relationships.

Its probably good to find a way to life life with more balance but some of us are uncomfortable with that.

This statement is what I want to focus on. Why do we assume that it's just a matter of waking up one day and deciding, from now on, I'm going to be a more balanced person, truly enjoy this or that activity, find fulfillment in X or Y...I call BS on that. Some things you just naturally love and are pre-disposed to do. It's not like we can control what we like or dislike. Yeah, if I could change my personality I would, but being a well-rounded person is not some learned character trait.

break it up wrote:

Its probably good to find a way to life life with more balance .

Ok. 4th time trying to reply to this.

Running has its own culture. A niche culture, but a culture. Like a small country in a world dominated by you-know-who. It has a right to exist, and to exist proudly and unafraid.

It's a culture I understand and love. It exists separate from the world culture at large and I won't apologize for finding love and acceptance here when I haven't found it elsewhere.

It may be small and inconsequential, but so are the families so many of us proudly cling to. So, I dote over my running and I will not apologize.

You guys should read Bannister's "The Four-Minute Mile". The dude squeezed in runs during his lunch break and broke the world record. Even if running has advanced since those days most of us haven't run 3:58. You don't have to dedicate you're whole life to running to be good at it.

I think you need more.

It is not the worst outlet.

Sorry for my previous post--it only posted part of my full post:

Thanks for your post, OP. I will read it more in-depth in a bit.

I think the sport of distance running appeals to those with obsessive
personalities. Unlike you, I did run in high school, albeit not
college (not on a team at least). I was never good at sports growing up,
but I found that with persistence, I was able to improve from the second
worst on my high school team to the best over the course of two or three years.
I doubt I could've done the same at other sports, but distance running
especially repays persistence and hard work.

Although I wasn't as aware of it then, I was a person who was very obsessive
and enjoyed things to the extent that you describe. I remember in high school
spending all day in class timing splits on my running watch or dreaming about
the best runners in the world, instead of paying attention in class. I would go
onto LetsRun even back then (circa 2002-2003) and post all the time, research
the sport, etc.

It's funny, because I was so clean-cut and basically the posterboy for
a distance runner (hadn't had a GF at the time, never drank or smoked,
looked down on things the way people look down on things on here), but that
obsessive/addictive personality eventually changed onto things other than
running.

I remember I got my first girlfriend through running--she was a fellow
runner on the track and cross country teams. Her mom was an alcoholic, so I
think what attracted her to me was that I didn't do drugs or drink or go
to parties like other high schoolers.

Sadly, my addictive personality
discovered drugs when I got prescribed Vicodin for a random illness.
It was like flipping off a switch in my brain, which is a cliche, but I
can't think of another way to describe it. Overnight, I wasn't researching
running world records or visiting running forums anymore. I was visiting the
drug equivalents of these things, and believe me, there are drug equivalents to
LetsRun.

I wanted to try every single drug there was out there and experience
everything. It took honestly a long time for it to become a serious,
serious problem, but the seeds were set in from the very first time I took a
single Vicodin. The same obsessive mind that sat in class timing imaginary lap
splits on a Nike running watch instead of paying attention to the teacher would
eventually me to inject heroin and cocaine into my veins in an attempt to
experience what I judged to be the most euphoric experience possible from
reading about it on message boards and the like. The sad part was that I was
injecting drugs only a short two years or so after I was the captain on my
cross country team senior year in high school, at that point never having
gotten drunk or smoked a cigarette in my life.

I've talked before about this on here, so I won't belabor the point further,
but mostly I just want to say that I agree with you completely, OP, that
the type of people who are distance runners are those who have obsessive
personalities.

I'm out of shape and basically a fatass now, but I have been sober for
several years now, so I'm hoping to get back into running. Please do yourself a
favor and keep your life in check, and don't obsess TOO MUCH over running!

There is a thin line with everything, but not a single thing in running is
worth ruining your life over, and balance is important in all things.