Gentlemen, I come to you today to report a new standard in the McDonald?s Dollar Menu Challenge. At approximately 1:30 pm PST I began the McDonald?s Dollar Menu Challenge in an excitement-filled lunch room surrounded by 3 fellow employees. Less than 8 minutes later, I was done, having obliterated the world record.
Before I take you through the race and give you my splits, let me set the scene.
When this thread first appeared, I, like many of you, thought that this challenge was a tremendous idea. Most runners are pretty big eaters, so I imagine we would all enjoy competing in some sort of eat-off. I, in particular, consider myself to be a big eater, and a fast one. If I had a dollar for every time I ate lunch with someone and when I finished they said, ?Wow, you?re finished already?? I?d be a rich man.
When Patrick Russell (former world record holder) established the record of 14:09, I thought it was a soft record. I even imagined myself breaking 9 minutes for the 9 items. Less than 1 minute per item. The Golden Standard. Could it be done? I thought so. And I thought I could be the man to do it.
Kicking around this idea in the back of my mind for the last month or so, at lunchtime today I thought of the Dollar Menu Challenge and decided that the time had come for me to give it a shot.
Rather than go for the Challenge in the restaurant, I elected to bring the food back to my home course. With the fans cheering and me having eaten so many lunches in this lunchroom already, I figured I would have an edge. My one concern was that the sundae would melt, but luckily our lunchroom is air-conditioned.
I unwrapped the items and placed them before me. I discussed some strategy briefly with my co-workers and then dug in. I used my Ironman watch, which keeps track of splits, to keep the time. Here they are (an orange soda was consumed throughout the session):
Item / Cumulative Time / Split Time
Double Cheeseburger 0:38.82 (0:38.82)
Salad 1:55.92 (1:17.10)
Sundae 2:20.95 (0:25.03)
McChicken Sandwich 3:18.60 (0:57.65)
Apple Pie 3:44.26 (0:25.66)
French Fries 4:54.22 (1:09.96)
Apple Pie 5:22.35 (0:28.13)
3 Cookies 7:31.88 (2:09.53)
Parfait 7:59.10 (0:27.22)
And there you have it ? a sparkling new world record of 7:59.10. Surprisingly, it wasn?t too difficult. I?m full, but not that full. I?m not uncomfortable or anything. The most difficult parts were the salad because you have to use a fork and the cookies because they were really dry and I had mistakenly finished my beverage by then. I strongly believe that this record can be lowered.
However?.the story does not end there.
Proud of breaking the world record by so much and being comfortably under the 9 minute Golden Standard, I reviewed Patrick Russell?s race commentary one more time. It was only that I learned that HE DID NOT EAT 3 COOKIES. I am stunned. I thought the challenge was to eat 9 $1 items, one of which is the drink. Therefore, I naturally assumed that the two apple pies counted as 1 item total. As such, when I saw three cookies on the McDonald?s board for $1 and only counted 8 items (with the two apple pies counting as one), I went ahead and bought the cookies. And I ate them. And they were by far the slowest item due to the aforementioned reasons.
My cookie-less time is actually 5:49:17, achieved en route.
That?s right gentlemen. 5:49:17, absolutely demolishing the world record of 14:09.
I strongly believe that I can lower this time, however, I am not inclined to go for another record attempt unless my own record has been lowered.
I am Geb. Where is my Komen?