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paneling
Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:17AM Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I found out (yes, I opened the skype icon on her laptop)that my long-time girlfriend (who recently has been pushing for marriage) has been skyping with her old boyfriend. She has not mentioned it to me, which leads me to believe she doesn't want me to know about it.

I foresee the arguments that 1) she just forgot to tell me about it because its so minor or 2) its none of my business because its just skype. But I just don't give them much merit because if you can see and talk to the person, the logical next step is to make plans to actually see them in person. Or even if not that, then at the very least it is using that former relationship as an emotional divestment from ours, which to me is cheating.

Can someone give me credible reasons whywhat she's doing is not a form of cheating?
Ahem
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:25AM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Sorry to say, that is bad news.
uh ohh
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:32AM - in reply to Ahem Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Is skyping cheating? No.
Is skyping your ex without telling your current gf/bf incredibly sketchy and a good sign she still has feelings for him/her? Yes.

cut and run my friend. you're just in store for drama
NJ Possible
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:36AM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
well there's two ways to look at this:

1. she still likes the guy in some way, or at least gets something from him she doesn't get from you, and doesn't want you to know it because she's either confused or looking back fondly on the good times she had with him.

2. as far as you know, she is currently only skyping with him. she's with you and not him, and it seems that your relationship is a good one.

i would go with number 2. and if you really want to be with her, don't bring it up. just be awesome.
reviewer
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:41AM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Why does the medium have anything whatsoever to do with it. If she were calling on a land line would that be different? If she were emailing, texting... whatever. How does that matter?
jjjjj
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:41AM - in reply to NJ Possible Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
this is bad news and do you honestly know what they are wearing, if anything, during the skyping?
you guys need to chill out
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:42AM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
you seem really paranoid. i had a pretty serious gf for a couple years, we haven't dated in three and neither of us has any romantic feelings for the other now, but we still maintain a friendship and meet a couple times a year for dinner. occasionally we'll chat on facebook or send a message just to see how the other's doing, what they're up to in life. if i was in a serious relationship with another girl, i probably wouldn't meet with her directly (though i wouldn't consider it cheating to do so) but i wouldn't avoid chatting or texting with her on occasion. try being an adult about it.
*stipe
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:43AM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Ask her how she would feel if you were skyping with an ex-girlfriend.
Ahem
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:51AM - in reply to reviewer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

reviewer wrote:

Why does the medium have anything whatsoever to do with it. If she were calling on a land line would that be different? If she were emailing, texting... whatever. How does that matter?

you guys need to chill out wrote:

you seem really paranoid. i had a pretty serious gf for a couple years, we haven't dated in three and neither of us has any romantic feelings for the other now ...if i was in a serious relationship with another girl, i probably wouldn't meet with her directly ...


reviewer: Skype has video calling. That's a big difference. Very big.


you guys need to chill out: I too have a few ex-girl friends with whom I'm in contact. I make sure to let my current girl friend know of every instance of contact. The contact is innocent, so I have nothing to hide. Her finding out about the contact without me telling her would make it seem like I'm hiding something and cause far more issues than being honest in the first place. That is how a healthy, functional, trusting relationship should work.
reviewer
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 11:59AM - in reply to Ahem Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

reviewer wrote:

Why does the medium have anything whatsoever to do with it. If she were calling on a land line would that be different? If she were emailing, texting... whatever. How does that matter?





Ahem wrote:reviewer: Skype has video calling. That's a big difference. Very big.


No actually it isn't. Not even a little bit.
you guys need to chill out
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:07PM - in reply to Ahem Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Ahem wrote:

reviewer: Skype has video calling. That's a big difference. Very big.



Why? Because it's more "intimate"? It's not like they don't already know what one another looks like. Plus, just the option of doing video chat doesn't mean it's actually being used--I skype all the time, but never use it, just call/chat.
Ahem
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:09PM - in reply to reviewer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post




Ahem wrote:reviewer: Skype has video calling. That's a big difference. Very big.

reviewer wrote:
No actually it isn't. Not even a little bit.


Alright, I'll make sure to Skype your daughter later.
you guys need to chill out
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:19PM - in reply to Ahem Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Ahem wrote:





Ahem wrote:reviewer: Skype has video calling. That's a big difference. Very big.

reviewer wrote:
No actually it isn't. Not even a little bit.


Alright, I'll make sure to Skype your daughter later.


Well you sound like a creep, so I doubt he'd want you calling or texting her either.
Ahem
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:26PM - in reply to you guys need to chill out Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

you guys need to chill out wrote:


Why? Because it's more "intimate"? It's not like they don't already know what one another looks like. Plus, just the option of doing video chat doesn't mean it's actually being used--I skype all the time, but never use it, just call/chat.


Yes, it is much more intimate. Especially considering that she isn't being forthright with her use of it. Would I break up with her over it? Probably not, but we would definitely discuss it. Given that she feels the need to Skype with her ex without telling her currently bf about it, I imagine there are more reasons to end the relationship that just the Skyping.
just another guy
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:28PM - in reply to paneling Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I really don't think this is anything to worry about. So she talked to an ex boyfriend via skype. Do you want her to just live in a box somewhere and not talk to anybody at all? That seems awfully controlling of you. I am currently in a relationship and occasionally get in touch with old girlfriends. Sure we do it sometimes when we are together but I make sure that I only do her from behind. That, my friend, is what being a mature respectful adult is all about. You just have to have boundaries.

Now, my lad, go get you some.
Claribello
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:32PM - in reply to you guys need to chill out Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I like this thread b/c everyone seems intent on helping the OP. I will add my input:

I don't think this is a deal breaker, but it is certainly a warning sign. Nothing wrong with friends of another sex, even exes. You are not married. It gets a little more complicated after marriage, but that is neither here nor there...

Here is the problem, you mentioned engagement; it is an option, obviously. This is your business if you plan on proposing to this woman. To ignore it is just plain stupid.

I would just ask her casually if she has any contact with the guy and see how she reacts. If she says something like, "Yes, we Skype sometimes and I saw him at McDonald's about a months ago..." than I would trust her... I might ask about the Skyping, but whatever. If she flat out lies, there is an issue.
just another guy
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:37PM - in reply to Claribello Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Claribello wrote:

I like this thread b/c everyone seems intent on helping the OP. I will add my input:

I don't think this is a deal breaker, but it is certainly a warning sign. Nothing wrong with friends of another sex, even exes. You are not married. It gets a little more complicated after marriage, but that is neither here nor there...

Here is the problem, you mentioned engagement; it is an option, obviously. This is your business if you plan on proposing to this woman. To ignore it is just plain stupid.

I would just ask her casually if she has any contact with the guy and see how she reacts. If she says something like, "Yes, we Skype sometimes and I saw him at McDonald's about a months ago..." than I would trust her... I might ask about the Skyping, but whatever. If she flat out lies, there is an issue.


I pretty much agree with this post. You should also ask her if he ever did her from behind and, if he did, you should ask if she has some pictures and, if she does, you should post these pictures. Then you should do her from behind and take some pictures. You should then post these pictures.

If you do all this it should all work out.
reviewer
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 12:40PM - in reply to you guys need to chill out Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

you guys need to chill out wrote:
Well you sound like a creep, so I doubt he'd want you calling or texting her either.


Exactly.

And since he's also apparently obtuse, the point is, she's contacting her Ex. It either matters or it doesn't. You either trust her or you don't. Being able to see the face or hear the voice changes nothing except in the minds of those who can't see the forest through the trees
Ahem
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 1:09PM - in reply to reviewer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post




reviewer wrote:

And since he's also apparently obtuse, the point is, she's contacting her Ex. It either matters or it doesn't. You either trust her or you don't. Being able to see the face or hear the voice changes nothing except in the minds of those who can't see the forest through the trees


Who are you calling "obtuse"? That's a week in the hole for you.

Let me explain my thought process a little further. I fully understand your point that the main issue is that she is contacting the ex. In my mind, the medium does matter for a couple reasons, though.

1) Video is more intimate that text/phone. To me it implies that not only do they want contact with the person, but they miss seeing them. This desire for extra intimacy is a cause for concern. I only skype with those I'm closest to.

2) To me, Skype is not a frequented used medium. If I'm going to Skype with someone, I have to actively go on Skype with the purpose of talking with them. This is much different that a cordial reply to an unsolicited text message.

3) Skype feels like a sneaky way to be in contact with someone when you don't want others to know. No risk of someone picking up your phone and seeing who you last called or old texts.

Those are the main reasons that come to mind of why Skype sends out a bigger red flag to me than other forms of communication.
Ice
RE: Is Skyping cheating? 2/7/2011 1:23PM - in reply to Ahem Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Of course, some people aren't you. Some people don't like phone calls at all, but love Skype. Some people use Skype very frequently. I personally hadn't even thought about it being "sneaky," since most people save their passwords for Skype anyway, meaning you can see their call log (and if they don't save their password, they might not do the same thing for their phone either). It's just different for different people; you can't say that one medium is inherently more meaningful than another for someone you've never met. Hell, I probably couldn't even judge which medium the people I HAVE met prefer.
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