When, if ever, is it moral to leave your wife if you have children?

You should leave now so your kids can become great angsty musicians

Here's a tip.

Why don't you be a man about it work it out with your wife. Just because you're bored with her (and she's bored with you to if she told you she'd kill her self) then YOU need to step up to the plate and try to bring something fun. If you look for her to make you happy you're SOL. Be a man grab you balls talk to your woman like a man tell her what you need ask her what she wants and then find a happy medium.

You are an example of the further pussification of America!

Yeah, the bat-shit crazy ones are always the most fun in bed.

Let this be a lesson to you youngsters out there --- always wear the jimmy hat.

NObama....assume for a minute there is no happy medium. You are either an example of the "stupidifaction" or "naivification" of America, assuming you are American.

And you never answered the question, is your answer never?

You can't abandon your children (especially with your angry wife), so you're stuck living under that roof until a solution presents itself. I'd suggest you visit a divorce lawyer and investigate your options. You may be able to win a custody case if you can prove your wife has anger issues (e.g., police domestic disturbance record, etc). In the meanwhile, you need to get your wife to see a therapist-- marital counseling may be in order, too.

NObama........................ wrote:

Here's a tip.

Why don't you be a man about it work it out with your wife. Just because you're bored with her (and she's bored with you to if she told you she'd kill her self) then YOU need to step up to the plate and try to bring something fun. If you look for her to make you happy you're SOL. Be a man grab you balls talk to your woman like a man tell her what you need ask her what she wants and then find a happy medium.

You are an example of the further pussification of America!

That is the catholic way to do things and ends up with spouse abuse. There is nothing pussy about getting out a bad relationship, just get custody of your child. Sounds like with the anger issues it wouldn't be bad.

"You may be able to win a custody case if you can prove your wife has anger issues (e.g., police domestic disturbance record, etc). In the meanwhile, you need to get your wife to see a therapist-- marital counseling may be in order, too."

This makes no sense. If his goal is to get custody, why would he want his wife to see a therapist. That would hurt his case.

Get divorced, rent a 1 bedroom apt - visit your kids on weekends and cut her a check every month. You and your kids will be much better off for it.

Surprise! wrote:

This makes no sense. If his goal is to get custody, why would he want his wife to see a therapist. That would hurt his case.

Get divorced, rent a 1 bedroom apt - visit your kids on weekends and cut her a check every month. You and your kids will be much better off for it.

You didn't read what he said about being the Dad. Besides, this isn't a case of "Winning"...this is a case of what is best for the children. Surprise!, your solution is better for senorfrog's peace of mind but not necessarily the children's.

Senorfrog...you can always split the sheets, but you can't always put it together again. So, you suggest to your wife that you would like to work on the marriage and get some counseling. THEN, GO TO COUNSELING BY YOURSELF. Do not go with her. You need counseling to help you gain perspective into what you need in life. Find a counselor who fits your world view and value structure, otherwise you will have a hard time accepting the help.

If she goes to counseling by herself, then that means she is also serious and not because you are forcing her. Frankly you may need about 6 months of individual counseling before you can reasonably handle good couples counseling. the thing to keep in mind is that you are not trying to save a marriage, but trying to learn how to communicate properly. What you will most likely discover is there are a few things in common besides the children that you can mutually support in each other. Part of loving someoone is to accept them as they are and not be trying to change them. Love has to do with being willing to sacrifice your needs AT TIMES (not all the time) in order to meet the needs of the other.

If, after you have done these things (or at least made some form of attempt at reasonable relationship development whatever it is for you and her), if you still just cannot get along or either of you cannot willingly give to the other, then you have discovered the place where it is fair to say you earned the right to go your separate ways. This will be hard for the children...absolutely no question about it. however, any longer beyond that point of recognition and you jeopardize the children with seeing this crazy life as being normal and natural and you will effectively doom them to finding relationships in their lives that are similarly as crazy as yours.

If you do get to a separation/divorce, push for 50/50 custody and don't require each other to have the others approval to remove the kids from school etc. This will save you alot of headache and possible vindictiveness.

Speaking from experience. Im still married 18+ years and have three kids. it isn't easy but I have enjoyed the daily fruit of being available for my kids and have a decent enough relationship with my wife even though it isn't fulfilling entirely. I still don't know if we will end in divorce or not, but we do have peace in the home.

Hope it helps some

My parents divorced 12 years ago when I was 11. To be honest I think it was the best thing that could have ever happened to our family. I vividly remember some of the fights my parents had. In some ways your wife reminds me of my mom. When she got upset she would say some terrible things to my father and even about her.

The first few years were tough after my parents split. My dad moved straight in with another woman in her apartment and my I remember my mom sitting at the dinner table crying and screaming about how she was "gonna kill that whore." Eventually as time went by my sister and I adapted to the situation and felt comfortable around our step mom and my mother found a boyfriend.

I say it was one of the best things to happen to our family as I never again saw another fight between my parents and they seem much happier in the long run. Furthermore, I don't think it was a healthy home environment seeing some of the fights my parents had and I don't think their relationship had a positive impact on me. I hope this post helps as I wouldn't want to see your children go through what my sister and I went through.

haha, YO (super serial) wrote:

NObama........................ wrote:

Here's a tip.

Why don't you be a man about it work it out with your wife. Just because you're bored with her (and she's bored with you to if she told you she'd kill her self) then YOU need to step up to the plate and try to bring something fun. If you look for her to make you happy you're SOL. Be a man grab you balls talk to your woman like a man tell her what you need ask her what she wants and then find a happy medium.

You are an example of the further pussification of America!

That is the catholic way to do things and ends up with spouse abuse.

False. It is the way things should be done.

"Till death do us part."

Do wedding vows mean nothing to anyone anymore? Obviously not, with divorce rates hovering around 50%. A vow you take at a wedding is more then just a promise, and more than just a simple agreement that those 2 felt like making that day. But the American family is dying off, and society is showing it, with situations like this.

I do applaud the OP though for sincerely wanting to stick it out until the kid is 18, and for his belief in the American family.

try reading I Corinthians

Yes, staying in a loveless marriage where the wife has obvious mental problems is great for all parties. Morons. If this guy made any mistake it was getting married before he was ready and that is f***ing stupid.

Wait till She has the 2nd one and try to get custody behind the scenes. Then if you think you can pull it off, take the kids and get the F out of dodge. You will have no problem finding another woman even with kids.

Just make sure you dont mess with another psycho bitch

Falcon Punch

heytheredelilah wrote:

False. It is the way things should be done.

"Till death do us part."

Do wedding vows mean nothing to anyone anymore? Obviously not, with divorce rates hovering around 50%. A vow you take at a wedding is more then just a promise, and more than just a simple agreement that those 2 felt like making that day. But the American family is dying off, and society is showing it, with situations like this.

I generally agree with this sentiment, however in this instance the wife appears mentally unstable and is a physical threat to her children. The safety and welfare of those children is paramount and the marriage is secondary. The OP needs to guard his children and make sure no harm comes to them. First, he needs to see what his options are with respect to custody (note: you would have a hard time convincing a judge to separate a newborn baby and mother) with the goal of working toward that end over time. Second, he needs to insist that his wife see a therapist to gain control of her emotions. Having a newborn in the house will only serve to amplify her emotions and will likely create more stress in the house. I have a feeling things will get worse before they get better.

You should get the divorce. Even though it's bad for kids to grow up with out a father, it's probably a hell of a lot worse for them to grow up with their parents constantly fighting (especially if the fights get physical). Besides, how good of a father can you be if you're miserable all the time?

Passlevard wrote:

You should get the divorce. Even though it's bad for kids to grow up with out a father, it's probably a hell of a lot worse for them to grow up with their parents constantly fighting (especially if the fights get physical). Besides, how good of a father can you be if you're miserable all the time?

Why would they grow up without a father?

Because in many cases, the divorce gives the father the excuse to slide out of the picture...not always of course.

Surprise! wrote:

Why would they grow up without a father?

It's the worst case scenario. He'd probably get some custody, though.