Need some advice
My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 7:36PM Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I just started a new job a couple months ago which I love- great people, interesting work, good pay, easy commute, etc. I get along great with my boss, and unintentionally have grown fairly close to him. Our personalities click, we have many common interests, and consequently end up talking a lot. The relationship up to this point has been very professional, and I've really enjoyed getting to know him and working with someone that I like so much. Although I was aware of the extra attention and chemistry between us, I naively never worried about it being inappropriate because it was never flirtatious and he is happily married.

Recently, however, he called me into his office and basically told me that he is in love with me. I don't know what to do because on one hand, I think he's a great guy, love working with him, and don't want to leave my job, but on the other hand, I feel uncomfortable and don't want to put my career in jeopardy.

What should I do? Leave my job? Move to another part of the company? Talk to him about it? The last thing I want to do is screw up his marriage or my career/professional reputation.

Help!
Gucci
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 7:41PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Is this a dude?
the problem is...
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 7:50PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
His marriage is already screwed up. You arent the factor there. However, you do have a problem because he just exposed a very serious character flaw. Infidelity is bad and if things are so bad for him he is willing to run around on the wife, then he is not a stand up guy who can take care of his issues as life hands them out.

Stay away. Ask to meet his wife...and just say you're flattered but this is strictly professional with great personality. Let him know yu never intended to lead him on and that you will be more careful to keep things on a professional level.

He'll get the point......unless hes a stalker.
danno
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:05PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
He really just wants to bang you.

When he "basically told me...", what did he actually say?
SMJO
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:07PM - in reply to the problem is... Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Whether you pitch or catch, you will still just be a reliever.
photofinisher
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:09PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Great chance for a threeway AND a promotion. Please do not screw this up.
office veteran
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:32PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
that's a bad situation. If he's confessing his love to you after only a few months, he's got poor judgment and not much self-control. I'm female and I've had lots of great male bosses who clicked with me, but none of them ever tried to make a move - we just enjoyed the good vibe and did our work. Chemistry is common in the office, but most professionals know that office affairs end up badly (when one or both people are married, that is - affairs can end up great when you're single.) You should start looking for another job.
best choice
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:35PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Leave your nutsack hanging out of your zipper then tell him you got a new belt buckle
Older, wiser, skinnier chick
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 8:53PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I'll echo that this guy sounds suspicious and sleazy. If he's telling you he loves you after a few months sharing an office space he either has insanely poor judgment, zero self-control, or is playing you.

My guess is he's a chronic cheater and you're his next target. Tell him you're flattered, but that he needs to treat you as a colleague and nothing more until he's divorced and you no longer work in the same division.

Also, find out what your company's sexual harassment policy looks like. You may need to refer to it later. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag. Don't mess with him.

Never, never jeopardize your work (or your running) for a man.
UBL
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 9:05PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Do you work at the Tiger Woods Foundation? The tabloids want to talk to you.
26mi235
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 9:52PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Well, there certainly are questions about this guy, but look at it a bit.

New hire, attractive, smart, one the same wavelength a lot of the time, she pays attention to him and respects him. Lots of things to create a strong draw, rather than him being unable to generally control himself.

That does not do away with the fact that this is a tricky situation for you. I think that you have to play it straight and you have to not lead him on, even if you might want too. You also do not have to tell everything and to answer all questions, especially immediately.
Not a Gazelle
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 10:02PM - in reply to 26mi235 Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
It is obvious that she has led him on, maybe unintentionally, but she has. Now she has to deal with it.

I suspect she is not the first or the last.
RuKiddingMe!
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 10:03PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Never get your Honey where you get Money!
RobXC
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 10:07PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
"My boss is in love with me"
You have no clue. This not love. Two people working together for a "couple of months", one of them being in a position of authority, and more likely older.

I can think of several possible scenarios:
- You enjoy the attention and are probably a bit manipulative, even if you don't realize it.
- You haven't had many dates in your life and ignorant in that area. Hint: this is not love.
- Your boss is having a mid-life crisis and is getting infatuated with pretty much any female he meets.

Advice: Get out of this mess immediately. This is not real and will get ugly for everybody involved.
Smelly
RE: My boss is in love with me 12/2/2009 10:12PM - in reply to Need some advice Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I once had a supervisor who was all in love with my female coworker. It was a really really bad situation. It used to make me sick to see how weak he was around her. She used to come in late all the time and he wouldn't do anything about it. She was my friend too so I wasn't mad at her for enjoying the perks but it just bothered me to see a fellow man just letting his penis make him act unprofessional(not that he was very professional anyways). I remember one time she came in 7 hours late for work and he let her stay and make up her hours. It finally ended when they went to a bar around the corner with another worker and he kept professing his love to her and she repeated to him how she wasn't interested. After that she was fired.