Should I call the POLICE on my family this Thanksgiving?

I'm not an expert, but I watch intervention so...

why not just tell your parents and your brother that they are out of your life unless something changes, ala an intervention. Stick to your guns, make clear and specific points and see how it goes.

Personally my whole family is a bunch of drunks. We drink, we fight, we make up, we drink. I love my family.

Print out your message here from LetsRun.com, put it in an envelope, label the envelope "To xxx and xxx, my parents who I love and who I'm worried about," and put it on or under a pillow on their bed. They _will_ get the message and come and talk with you, and likely have ideas of their own to help solve the problem with your brother.

Hey man, I hope this situation works out for you, but it will be hard.

My wife has a cousin that is in his early thirties and on Meth (or, was on Meth).

This is a damn good family. Leaders in the community, etc. You get the point. I point this out to let you know that these people are not just trailer trash out in the middle of nowhere.

Okay, so after years of issues (unintentional enabling, then trying interventions, etc.), his dad finally called the cops on him. He had a little condo where he lived, and the dad basically snitched him to the cops.

He went to jail for 2 years, came out "clean" and seems to be doing well. This obviously could have gone the other way. I put clean in quotes b/c you just never know.

You have to balance whether it is worth it to give the guy a serious criminal record too. In this scenario, he didn't have anything going for him at all, and his health was so poor he would have likely died. He works for the police department now, believe it or not. Menial labor, but still a steady job.

The problem as I see it is that you are likely spot on in terms of him being a threat and physical safety issue for you.

This means you have to stay away, and all you can do is warn your parents and of course inform them why you are staying away. I wouldn't even think of visiting with him in the house.

I would not have any guilt over calling the police - but don't certain that it will result in him going to jail for length of time that ensures the safety of you and your family.

Do not see your family until they are all sober and getting therapy.

Your brother became a meth head because your parents suck at parenting. Etc.

Divorce your family until they desire to get healthy, and do so.

Focus on your own life and escaping that upbringing.

Yes, you can call the police, if you are sure there are drugs on the premises, and you do not have to tell your family it was you who called in the complaint. The cops do not have to tell them, and legally probably are not allowed to do so.

Anonymous tip?

And dude, I amsorry your family sucks.

Find a book called "Toxic Parents" and study up on that whole field.

et away and stay away, odds are they will never get it together and always be an dissapointment and a drag on you.

Good luck.

I don't agree that the kid became a meth head because of the parents. Bad things can happen to good people.

But it sure does appear that they are enabling the addict's behavior, which is something they have to stop.

There's no guarantees in the intervention biz - lots of failures. Accountability ultimately falls on the addict.

8/10..Very very good. But not quite believable.

I've talked to them before. I told them straight up I wasn't going to come home if he was there. They pretty much said "have a nice life then." My dad is at least making an effort by getting a hotel room for my siblings, myself, and him to all stay (it's mostly my mom that brings my brother into the home).

As for the guy concerned about a criminal record, WTF? Did you read my post? My brother has been to jail AT LEAST 10 times; I stopped keeping track years ago. He's had his license revoked more time than not. He's had three DUIs. He just got out of a 12 month jail sentence for meth and threatening others. He spent time in a mental rehab program in a hospital for running from the police and threatening them while on meth (4 years ago). He hasn't held a job for more than a few months ever.

I know some people can be on meth and be relatively fine (Andre Aggasi?), but not my brother. He's the addict type, regardless of what we're talking about. When he's on drugs, he's on drugs HARD and all the time. He's bugged out of his mind (sits in the same spot for 12 hours straight having crazy conversations with himself, etc).

The problem I just thought of is that I know my parents wouldn't let the police in their home. The only way this would work is if they had a warrant or I got them to grab my brother sometime when he's on public land. F***, the more I think about this whole thing the more I just want to put it out of my mind and forget it even exists.

Thanks for the replies.

Your brother needs Christ in his life.

It comes down to whether you care for your brother. If it was your Mom or Dad, would you call the cops on them too? Keep in mind that any of them could die when the cops burst into their home, as usually such interventions do not go well at all. And treating your brother with drugs, to get him to stop taking drugs, would not make any sense.

What your parents do is their choice. They must want him there or he would not be there. My own brother lived at home till he was in his 30's. He was basically a leach on them, still uses all their resources, my Mom pays to keep his stuff there, and he will probably get all their property when they pass. I talk with my parents, but they do what they want to do.

I see no benefit to getting in a war with your brother.

My advice would be to live your own life, and don't create any problems for your family.

kick his ass seabass!

Wow, I don't know what to say. Just that I am sorry that you have to go through all this and that you have my heartfelt sympathy. It must be incredibly tough on you. Please keep safe, and do not stay at your parents' while your brother is there. Your parents, well they are adults and can decide for themselves what's best for them. Take care of yourself and keep your distance until things get better and safer.

I think calling the cops would be passive aggressive. You should confront the problem head on. You need to tell your parents how their actions have affected you, and how you feel about the situation with your brother.

It sounds like they won't be receptive, and if that's the case it may be in your best interests to sever the relationship. It's their choice to live however they want to, but you need to make it clear that if they continue on like this you don't want anything to do with them.

If you make it clear that you're only interested in a relationship with them if it's in a safe environment then it's them that are ending the relationship, not you. If they choose to support your brothers destructive behavior over keeping a relationship with you and your sister, then I'm not so sure they even deserve you.

Try to keep a relationship with your extended family, though, because family is important. But the way your parents are acting is not the way a family is supposed to.

Why don't you and your other siblings just have thanksgiving together somewhere that's NOT at your parents' house? No asshole brother, then. And no confrontations with your parents, then.

Or just start having TG with friends. When I lived far from my family and couldnt get home, I got invited to friends' houses.

Tips from Anon gets warrants, take pictures of said drug use while using

Man, addictions are hard. I wouldn't call your brother an ass, he's an addict, and he needs help. Well, I guess he's an ass if he doesn't want help and is fine destroying your family through his addiction. Your parents need to step up and either help him get clean or kick him to the curb.

Families are hard. My older brother is mentally disabled, but not to the point that he can't function, nor to the point were the government think he's a threat to anyone. As part of his disability he's cut himself off from the family. I keep track of him through court records. This last year he lost a paternity case (guess I'm an uncle) and became a sex offender. I really want to help him, but honestly, there's nothing I can do. The hardest thing to do is step away. You might have to.

Brian? Is that you?

You remember what happened the last time you called the police to your house, right? That didn't work out so well for you.

I'm glad somebody understands. Most people don't because they haven't experienced what I've experienced. You can't help someone who doesn't want it and will fight you kicking and screaming the entire time. My brother is a lost cause. He's taken so many drugs he's pretty much mentally handicapped now, and he does not want to change. He's been to jail for extended stays multiple times, and he goes right back out to his old lifestyle immediately after release each time. He's been this way his entire life. There's nothing I could do even if I wanted, and quite honestly, after 21 years of abuse, I don't really care to even be a part of that mess. He was a complete asshole even when he was 10 years old. Now he's just a mentally insane asshole.

My parents have always cared more about enabling his drug addictions than the safety, wellbeing, or happiness of anyone else in the family. I don't think they're going to change. Like I say, I've made it as clear as I know how how I feel about the whole thing. I've talked to both on multiple occassions. They just refuse to do anything about it. I almost never talk to them anymore. The only reason I care is that they're approaching 60 years of age and neither are in great health. They're not knocking on death's door, but they might only have 10-15 years left.

As for having TG somewhere else, well, my sister still wants to go home, and I don't really get along with two of my aunts, my cousins either live far away or they spend TG with their other family (the side I'm not related to at all)... eh, f*** it all. I'm just gonna go home, get the few things in that house that are mine, and leave, never to return. I'll spend some time with friends and then come back here. f*** them. Every time I think about this it just puts me in a bad mood. I've had enough.

"As for having TG somewhere else, well, my sister still wants to go home, and I don't really get along with two of my aunts,"/quote

Whoa,whoa,whoa.........how are we supposed to help without pics of the sis and the aunts ?

Has your brother thought of Celebrity Rehab ?

Has he tried EPO ?

What about botox ?

The Pose Method ?

The Rhythm Method ?

Arm warmers ?

Oprah's Book of the Month Club ?

Wear a Garmin ?