OK there are around a thousand theory's on this from 3 months salary to whatever you can afford to just get her a ring.
What have guys on this board done and what do you recommend? I'm sure to receive a thousand mocking posts here but whatever.
Thanks!
two months net salary (not gross). don't go broke or into debt.
Do you mean engagement ring?
They are two different things.
Our wedding rings cost about $100 each 20 years ago. Just simple bands. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Don't listen to the the jewelry industry on how much to spend on jewelry. That's like asking a homeless guy if you should give him a dollar or 100 dollars.
Do you know who set the "Standard" regarding the salary bit? The diamond industry.
Butt hurt much?
Cheers.
I wouldn't marry a woman who cared about a ring. Our society is in too much debt already for suttf that doesn't add to happiness. Use the money for a downpayment on a house. Antiquated wastefulness. Women work and have jobs now - why do they want our need a ring from me? In the long run, wouldn't htey rather have a husband who joins them in fiancial responsibility and doesn't start off with debt? If you have any debt besides a 15 year mortgage with a large down payment and choose to spend 3 months salary on a ring, you are starting down a bad road.
Peruse this blog and it will set you straight on women demanding rings:
HAHA thank you I agree completely. I want to get her something nice obviously and I'd hope she would agree that starting off financially responsible is the way to go. I know if I got her a very modest ring she would mainly be happy about marrying me but there is probably a part of every girl that wants a big ring.
Her family has money but by no means are materialistic however all her friends come from the same and I'm sure would judge.
thanks!
Not every woman does want a huge ring. I like my small ring because it doesn't get caught on things or scratch the other fingers next to it. Many (I'm not sure if it's "most") value the love behind the ring, not how big the diamond is. It's pretty common actually for engagement rings to not have diamonds and have other stones instead, like emeralds, sapphires, etc.
Daft tard wrote:
I know if I got her a very modest ring she would mainly be happy about marrying me but there is probably a part of every girl that wants a big ring.
right, so do what you can to get a nice ring.
Don't go into debt, but consider the fact that she'll have to show it to every goddamn woman she meets for the next couple years, and many of them she talks to for the rest of her life (or until you get divorced...whatever).
a lot of the big "men" here make themselves believe that just because a woman is strong enough to live with a modest band, she's happy to do it. In some cases that may be true, but make no mistake--even the VAST majority of great girls will feel happier wearing something they are proud to show off.
You can do some nice things with the design rather than just dropping big money on a huge, stupid diamond. But put thought into it, and be willing to make sacrifices to purchase something that your wife will wear every single day.
Daft tard wrote:
OK there are around a thousand theory's on this from 3 months salary to whatever you can afford to just get her a ring.
What have guys on this board done and what do you recommend? I'm sure to receive a thousand mocking posts here but whatever.
Thanks!
It's your gift to her for wanting to spend your life with her. It has nothing to do with how much you spend or what she's worth.
I have this idiot friend who's longtime girlfriend is demanding a $25,000 ring. He don't make more than 65K a year and she's roughly in the same ballpark.
I told him to propose to her with a 2K Cubic Zirconium and if she takes it to the jewler to get it appraised then to dump her b/c she high maintenance and doesn't care about there relationship.
You set the amount that you feel comfortable spending.
I proposed to my girlfriend over this past Labor Day weekend and spent $1,400 on the engagement ring. This equates to about 127% of what I take home every two weeks. I wasn't worried about getting a very expensive ring (I certainly could've afforded more); this ring, however, completely stood out to me. I liked it and she loves it.
I just purchased my second engagement ring. She doesn't even have it yet.
My thoughts:
1) Buy online. Whiteflash, Bluenile, or any of the biggies. You'll save at least 35% compared to Zales through Tiffanys. Do some research and you wont get ripped off. You should expect a certificate and should be offered an independent appraisal.
2) Shop with her? Studies show men pay less when the woman is involved (obviously not a controlled study, but valid if the population is large enough). If she talks you down a notch so you can save for a sofa, let her.
3) Drop down a couple of levels for color and clarity. An untrained eye can't tell the difference, especially when mounted (the ring, you idiot). Size matters, for this and the other thing, too.
4) Chances are, you really wont care that much about the expense until/unless you get divorced (then you'll immediately feel like a fool for wasting that much cash.) But try to pay in full. It's harder to feel as good about the spend when you're still cutting a monthly check 7 months after the wedding.
5) Don't believe her lies that she doesn't care about size. The most modest girl in the world still appreciates feeling special when you suffer a bit for her (even if's it's for her friend's sake).
6) Don't go by month-salary rules. There's too much personal variation that doesn't align with stone prices. Talk to your pals, get a sense for what her friends (sister?) have, how you shape up with that scene, and understand YOUR and YOUR COMBINED financial health, and feel good about whatever you decide. You may want to engage her in a discussion about your budget then go a little above that to make it seem extra special.
7) I don't know of any girls who reasearch the stone quality afterwards. It's pretty safe that you can get it anywhere and she'll never ask about (or understand) the 4 C's (let alone fluorescence or girdle angles)
Hope this helps! Congrats!
so my stepsister who has some serious emotional and attachment issues goes through guys like runners do shoes. about every 2 to 4 months she literally moves a new guy into her moms(my dads) place which ultimatly led to my dad and her mom breaking up. this has been going on since she was 16, when she was in high school and in sports her mom would always take the boyfriend to out town trips and sleep in a room with the daughter and boyfriend.....anyways back to what i wanted to say, she found a new boyfriend and within 2 months he buys her a legit 12,000 dollar engagement ring paid for from his dads enheritance, he is actually on unemployment right now since he has a seasonal summer job making around 25 to 30,000 a year. i have to be somewhat civil and not say anything but i just want to slap the punk kid with a mohawk and tell him to wake up.
I paid $2200, which is about 2.5 weeks take-home. The guy who said to worry more about size than the invisible-to-the-naked-eye factors had very good advice. Blue Nile is the way to go. The one I got was identical (literally, in every appraised aspect) to the $5000 one my gf had picked out from a fancier store.
As for the bigger issues of what the whole obsession with size and cost of rings says about our society's values, and how we view the quid-pro-quo of male-female relationships, don't get me started.
Daft tard wrote:
OK there are around a thousand theory's on this from 3 months salary to whatever you can afford to just get her a ring.
What have guys on this board done and what do you recommend? I'm sure to receive a thousand mocking posts here but whatever.
Thanks!
Face some facts. If you're living paycheck to paycheck at the time it seems rather silly to put 1/4 of a year's net against a ring. It's not like if you only put a month's salary against a ring you're going to get a different outcome.
If you have the money to spare blow it on the ring. If you have the money and don't spend it then you're a cheapskate and you'll look bad.
If you have the choice between a car payment and a ring, make the car payment. If she doesn't understand the financial situation, or you don't, maybe you need to understand paying a 1/4 of a year's income on something that doesn't keep you alive maybe isn't so smart. If she expects you to go in hock beyond your wildest dreams to pay for a ring instead of something practical like a house, then have one last sympathy f**k and head for the hills.
One month ago I've married 25 years. Total dollars spent on engagement, 0. Total dollars spend on wedding rings (1984 dollars mind you) $400. That was both of us, and maybe one week's net for me at the time. It wasn't the first marriage for either of us so admittedly some of the ceremony wasn't really there. In any case I'd be willing to say the amount you spend on the ring has little to do with the quality of the relationship.
Keith Stone wrote:
If you have the choice between a car payment and a ring,
...then you might be too irresponsible to get married?
Good advice, Ratman.
I'm actually opposed to diamonds on principle. I don't like paying big money to a cartel in exchange for what's really just a semiprecious stone, which also happens to be perfectly replicable by synthetic means.
I also am seriously concerned about labor issues associated with diamonds. Keep in mind that this is from someone who thinks that we shouldn't even have a National Labor Relations Board.
If I were going to spend big money on a ring, I'd prefer to spend it on a ruby or an emerald. Unfortunately, I'd be on pretty weak footing if I tried to argue that spending a lot of money on a ring in general is just a bad idea. I spend too much on suits, shoes, and watches for that to fly.
fat bottom girls wrote:
Keith Stone wrote:If you have the choice between a car payment and a ring,
...then you might be too irresponsible to get married?
yup
My g/f had many antiques in the office. Additionally, she was very appreciative of traditions and old people.
So,
I bought here an antique ring. The price in the store was $2600, I walked out spending $2k, tax included. A new ring, (they're making rings that look "antiqued") like the one I bought would've been 5k plus.
Long story short, she would've said yes if I'd bought a $500 Walmart ring.
While the ring I bought graded well, don't worry so much about retail value, buy what looks pretty and what she'll like. Much more important than clarity rating.
ratman wrote:
2) Shop with her? Studies show men pay less when the woman is involved (obviously not a controlled study, but valid if the population is large enough). If she talks you down a notch so you can save for a sofa, let her.
!
Really? I've always regretted a little that my husband didn't pick out my ring. He wanted something that I wanted and I felt at that point that if we were getting married that it was basically my money paying for it. So, we got not that much.
So, my diamond is tiny. I am conscious of it and what that portrays. I, myself, don't give a hoot about diamonds. But, I often wonder what people think. Is this good? Is this bad? Am I not a woman worth spending money on? Am I so non-materialistic that I married someone that doesn't have to show love through a ring? Or did I marry a loser that afford a proper ring? Through the years he's mentioned that he'd also like to get me another one, but it doesn't seem like a good way to spend money at this point. Some days I don't feel like wearing it.