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| swet coast |
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I’m in my 30’s and am just curious if there is anyone else out there that share a similar story. I chose Let’s Run because running has been my main vehicle for escaping and gaining perspective. Running has always been great constant and friend for me. My mom was diagnosed 6 years ago as being bipolar. This was not a surprise to me as I knew growing up that something was wrong with her. For example, we moved houses 14 times in 12 years, special occasions (Christmas, birthdays, etc.) were emotional nightmares, she would blow her fuse at the drop of a hat and was always in and out of relationships. Being diagnosed with bipolar seemed to become a license to act out and have even less self control for my mom. On my wedding day, she called me an “a$$hole” in front of a house full of people because I (fittingly) wouldn’t allow her to give a speech at the ceremony. To this day, she is still unapologetic for this. Growing up, I constantly feared that she would publicly humiliate me. As I got older, I grew to accept it and avoid most public circumstances with my mom. My father left my life when I was 5. He was a paranoid schizophrenic and died 3 years ago. At the time he died, I learned that he spent a few years on jail and about 10 years on the streets of Vancouver as a homeless person. He was then brought into a group home and lead a quiet life up to his death. I never knew him and to some degree feel fortunate that he was out of my life. I’m pretty well adjusted. I do worry that my genetics will catch up to me, but so far I haven’t seen any reason to believe so. I’ve worked for the same company for 15 years, don’t do drugs, have been married for 7 years and really have no symptoms of either disorder. I do have a temper, but am usually ahead of the curve when I sense trouble brewing. I guess my main concern now is that I have 2 young boys and am worried that genetically they could be predispositioned to acquiring either one of these disorders. Anyone else with a story like this to share? |
| ciwpp |
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I can relate to some of your story. My mother is bipolar. I have had a hard time in relationships. I have not had children yet. I have thought about all of these things, and it has haunted me. Some people think I might be mentally ill, but usually these are people aware of my family history. You are not alone. |
| me no iglesias |
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when you lose your job and your wife cheats on you, your genetics will catch up to you. |
| old man winter |
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You might check out my posts on the "how often do you talk to your parents" thread. My mother's sister (my aunt) was both bipolar and schizo, and there's some weirdness on my dad's side though I don't know if it's anything diagnosable. My mom seems pretty crazy sometimes, though not to the point of being schizophrenic or anything... Both are f***ed in the head as far as I'm concerned, and my life has been much better the more I have kept them out of it. My brother on the other hand definitely has mental problems, but I don't know what they'd actually be. Bipolar almost definitely, but also a lot of other things. The fact that he's fried his brain on drugs and alcohol just makes things multiplies the problem. Despite trouble in my family tree and especially with my brother (who is more genetically related to me than any other individual on the planet), I think I'm pretty normal. I thought I might be slightly bipolar a few years ago, but I'm doubting that now as I've been doing very well and have been living a normal life the past two years. I did struggle with depression for about 1.5 years though, but I think it had to do with things going on in my life rather than my brain biochemistry. I'm kind of in the same boat though. I worry that my kids (if I have any) will have problems. I would just keep an eye out for anything major and talk with your pediatrician about any concerns. Have a long and serious talk with them when they get to be about 13, and remind them maybe when they're 16-18. Late teenage years is usually when symptoms really start to manifest. And one last thing, if any of your kids get into drugs, nip that thing in the bud immediately. People with bipolar and schizophrenia are predisposed to be drug addicts, and it's much harder for them to manage drug use than "normal" people. My brother started out on beer and cigarettes, then pot, then harder drugs like meth (who knows what else). He's now so f***ed up he's like an angry hyper active down syndrome child, and I'm not exaggerating. He'll sit in the same place for literally 12 hours talking to himself, usually about how he wants to kill people. I could give you more examples, but you can probably imagine. Good luck with everything and try not to worry. You're proof one can live a normal life with some less than ideal genes. |
| tubing |
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Both of those disorders generally skip a generation (so my experience working with the population and current literature states), so you should be ok. Plan on having kids? |
| tubing |
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Never mind, somehow I missed the bottom of your post. Sorry. |
| creep |
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yes you are not alone, my mother was diagnosed with full blown schizophrenia. she caused a great deal of pain in our family for about 15yrs. harassed me and my siblings constantly, she got into fights with the neighbors and my father. dad was o.k but he had a temper too. anyway my sister and brother have some sor of mental illness through my mom, but as a family we adjusted.. i think i may be the only "normal" person in my family so much to say but hey life goes on... |
| night and day |
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me very similar but too hurtful for me to post details online I lived in 12 houses or so? Something wrong with mother Father too Me - I'm fine and I always felt like the most sane person in my family. I don't think about it much. I've had children, and grandchildren and I live a good happy life. What they were and the family life I had as a child doesn't seem to enter into my adult life at all. You are not your parents. You make your own destiny. Don't spend time worrying, just be as good of a parent as you can. |
| Mr. Obvious |
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I feel for you. That is very rough to grow up with. These are both terrible diseases and they take a toll not only on the person w/ the disease but on everybody around that person as well. |
| mystory |
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while I won't go into detail about my dad (too painful), he was dysfunctional in another type of behavior, otherwise you could have a normal conversation with him. I barely talk to him and haven't seen him over 15yrs. My mother, I never really knew what was wrong with her when I was growing up, just thought she was hateful, mean and mentally abusive at times with lots of anger thrown in, but would turn around and act like an angel or acted like nothing happened. I found out later she had family members that were and are maniac-depressive and bi-polar. After reading some of your examples (OP) sounded more like bi-polar and she would also seek out pain killers... For examples; I was about 7-8yrs old, I accidentally stepped on her foot because I was following her too close...and she turned around a grab me by my collar and threw me against the wall and started pounding my head against it until my nose bled...first fear of many incidents to follow. I would get slapped numerous times in the face, fingers slammed in doors on purpose. She would also throw these 'fits' in her room, throwing objects/kicking, screaming--make a mess and then started yelling at me and my sister to clean up the mess and yet acted like nothing was wrong. She was also obsessive-compulsive cleaner, we had to do 'spring' cleaning every weekend. Yes, holidays/birthdays were horrendous and yet she would try and shower us with too much presents/gifts. Mentally wise, she would always be 'negative', nothing nice to say---yada, yada, I could go on. I tried for several years to please her, even as an adult but it was never good enough. In college, right after graduation--we got in this huge fight in the car--she mentally tortured me about my dad (they were just getting a divorce..) saying things that were EXTREMELY hurtful, yelling and screaming and even hitting/slapping me at times until I got so angry (I cussed and yelled back at her..) that I wanted to get out of the car, but instead she 'sped' up the car and locked it--we were on the highway and to tell you the truth, I honestly thought about jumping out of the car and possibly getting killed would have been better than listening to her saying hateful, cruel remarks and blaming me... Last straw for me, she recently turned 60 about few years ago--by this time I had several other incidents with her while being married and having kids and living states apart..(I would also not talk to her for months or even a year but I always wanted to see if she changed or maybe I just longed to have a 'normal' relationship with her..) Needless to say, it didn't happened. I took her to Vegas for the weekend because she had never been and it was the worst weekend in my life!---mental torture started (she bring up the past and about my dad..) once we were alone in the hotel room and be calm about it and yet get me fired up--you know putting the painful 'dagger' in your heart slowly... Sorry, trying not to be a downer here but basically understand your frustration with a parent who is bi-polar... Since running couple years ago, I have let go of her 'negative' vibe and basically have stopped talking to her...do I feel guilty? Not anymore, I'm just sad, I let it go on for so long--the BIG difference was I changed and she didn't... As for 'genetics' and worrying about passing her genes or my dad's over to me, I don't have to worry because I was adopted. I think it's good to discuss or share your examples to let you know that you're not 'alone'. Btw, I have a great wonderful life now--sometimes I have to struggle with the demons, but that's why I love to just 'run' and escape from it. Sorry for the lengthy post and best wishes to the OP. |
| SMJO |
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Runs in families. I've got it on both sides(Grandparents) and a brother and sister with it. Keep the kids away from drugs and booze. Three of us avoided pot altogether, two didn't and it came on like clockwork. |
| creep |
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i can really appreciate your story.. my mom is almost 75 her temper has cool down due to old age and the diesase taking its toll, but every now and then my dreams take me back if it was just yesterday with all the fighting going on and i wake up with my heart racing... funny how dreams can make you "exactly" feel when you were much younger...in your dreams you think and act and feel the exact same way when you were younger |
| old man winter |
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wow. I'm so sorry. It's hard for me to complain about things being rough for me when I hear stories like yours that are so much worse. |
| fishbone |
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this sounds extremely close to a song by fishbone |
| XY |
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Holy crap, man good for you to overcome your family. When your Mom dies I guess it will be a relief and you probably wont have any grief at all. Its a shame but normal reaction Are you successful, what are your hangups, what is your wife like?? Im just curious |
| Michael Faraday |
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I can relate. My mom is schizophrenic and my father was a depressed alcoholic who ultimately killed himself when I was in college. My brothers and I would come home and find my mother drunk and passed out on the couch. She was diagnosed until later and she was "self-medicating". My father left when I was 10 and he didn't have much to do with us afterward. My youngest brother ran away from home and lived with homeless people in California for 2 years. I went to live with my grandparents during high school. I started running when I was 10, and I started running with the high school cross country and track teams the following year in 6th grade. Those guys became my adopted big brothers, and I liked the fact that our workouts and meets kept me away from home for as long as possible. Although I was always smart and got 2 engineering degrees, I spent 15 years moving from job to job, never really making connections with the people I worked with. I've had many relationships with women over the years, but I always extricated myself when they started getting impatient. I've suffered from depression and drug abuse my entire adult life (I'm 48 now). After my father shot himself at age 52, I always felt that a timer started and that I would probably wind up doing the same thing. Running is the only thing that has given me enough self worth to keep me from killing myself. I know that I have terrible genes, and I decided a long time ago to never have children because I wouldn't want them to suffer. Both of my brothers are divorced with children, and they have relived some of the horrors of our childhood. If I could jump back 30 years, I would warn myself about trying to use drugs to make me feel better. I think I could have managed a better life if I had been able to stay away from cocaine and alcohol. |
| my family sucks |
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Drug addict mom, alcoholic dad. They fed and sheltered us, but other than that everything seemed to be about them. I have 0 desire to ever start a family, maybe they are why. |
| mystory |
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Hey, first of all let's not make this into a 'sappy' Let's Run Thread....LOL Secondly, what makes you think I am a XY? I'm actually a XX, yep believe it or not a XX chromosome can go through some stuff and live to tell about it and be somewhat sane... ;) I have to say it's interesting that you brought about when Mom dies it will be a 'relief'. I have often thought about it and in fact it goes for both parents. As I've gotten older, I don't have the tolerance and you become 'numb' per se to all the crap that went on, therefore I have thought it would be easier once they are gone, sounds mean but it's the honest truth. To answer some of your questions, yes we are VERY successful and I'm not saying it to 'brag' about it--I do feel EXTREMELY fortunate for the life I have now and my kids mean the WORLD to me, I give them what I didn't have as a kid (in fact, I act like a kid with them at times..) and I give them LOVE first before anything else. My hangups? Don't really have one but use to be VERY self conscious about the way I look or dressed. I use to dress tom boyish as a kid and plain jane in younger days but once I gained confidence in adulthood, I changed the image. My hubby is the total opposite of me-- came from a pretty normal family, laid back personality, Mr. Nice Guy and a great father, besides he's a Scandinavian descent...they don't like to talk too much... ;) CREEP- I hear you about the dreams, but mine were REAL when I was with my mother--it was almost like I was a 'child' again when I was around her--the counselor had some 'fancy' term for reverting back to childhood, once you were with a parent who made you feel uncomfortable. But, I did have nightmares or dreams about my father standing over me while asleep. OLD MAN WINTER- No need to be sorry, I'm sure there is ALWAYS someone else with even worse stories than mine, I just wanted to share and give some examples. Sorry, I missed the thread about the parents but I will say this, I did date a guy in college for 4 yrs. who ended up being abusive and used drugs--again can understand the 'co-dependency' aspect of it... Wow, I didn't mean to let this thread be about me, sorry to the OP....like someone said, "It's life"....I'm just glad I found 'running' because it has kept me VERY humble. Thanks. |
| HBrewersss |
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Yup, same here. My uncle unfortunately has schizophrenia that doesnt respond well at all to medication and still doesn't. So He basically lives with his mom (my grandma) for the rest his life. He was normal until right after he was in college in the mid-1970s (before I was born) and then started acting strangely when he was ~19 yearsold. I'm told that when he first started getting sick at 19 he started ripping his clothes and throwing them away for no apparent reason. And I think he mainly thinks people are out to get him all the time. I'm all good, mid-20s, well adjusted, or at least I think I am. I have a Masters degree, ran in college, started working in public accounting. BUT I CAN EASILY RELATE Hard working 60-70 per wk job and stress at this 1st job out of college (accounting) got to me and I had what doctors thought was a manic episode with psychotic features. So I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks and it took a number of months to recover. Later they was determined that it was just anti-depressant withdrawal - since I had been working so many hours in public accounting, didn't keep up with the Zoloft so I ended up having a lot of trouble, not to mention that I was on ADHD medicine prescibed to me and drinking coffee which made me jittery adding to the stress. I'm all better now and things are good. There are SO MANY different kinds of bipolar that it's NOT all just one thing - some believe you dont really HAVE IT your whole life. At the time I showed features that looked like mania, but really I just have a tendency toward depression. Am I bipolar? Now they dont think so. Why did I use to be depressed? Probably because I was working in a job I TOTALLY hated. I discovered that I LOVE TO RUN lots of miles and wont give that up for a stressful job. Certainly environment has everything to do with it. so maybe I'll start my own firm? Bottom line - Take care of yourself.... |
| Michael Faraday |
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I got off on a rant. I don't want to think that I helped to reinforce anybody not having a family. If you don't use drugs and you work hard, you can positively influence another generation. I just couldn't stay away from drugs and alcohol. |
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