Can I be good friends with my ex-girlfriend who dumped me?

Didnt read but... NO

yeah, but wait until it doesn't hurt to see her anymore. When you know you don't have feelings for her, then it's alright.

Hate to break it to you but the only way you're really going to get over her is by staying as far from her as possible for a long time. I wouldn't communicate with her for 6-12 months and just ignore her.

Why bother? She jumped from one rock to another.

She's not worth even thinking about, don't feed her ego.

Butthead wrote:

Why bother? She jumped from one rock to another.

She's not worth even thinking about, don't feed her ego.

+1

Mhmm, the Letsrun community has spoken. Commence the ignoring in T-minus 0600 hours, and continue until feelings have sufficiently been subdued.

Butthead wrote:

Why bother? She jumped from one rock to another.

She's not worth even thinking about, don't feed her ego.

This is correct.

Gotta say some other things to the OP though too.

While I think you should stay away from her (she dumped you after all), if you for a second thought there was a shot to get back with her and that she would be open to it, then I wouldn't let some new boyfriend stand in your way. They aren't married. You don't owe that guy anything. Sorry, but up until the woman is engaged WITH a wedding date, they are all up for grabs.

But, don't do the friends thing. It really is lame (unless one of you is gay).

There is nothing wrong with being friends with women, despite what some people here are saying. There are even some good benefits that come from it (e.g. she has other women friends). Being friends with your ex, while you still have feelings with her is not a great idea. Be friendly but distant until some time passes.

I am in sort of the same boat, dated a woman (briefly), she broke it off with me. We would both like to be friends but it is going to take a little time and distance. For now we are in some contact by e-mail and IM, occasional phone calls. Haven't seen her for a while and it may be a while yet before that is good idea.

dumped dude wrote:

I still do have some feelings for her

Then your answer is NO.

I dated a girl for six months, she decided to move on, didn't dump me per se, but made it clear that she didn't want a relationship anymore. I distanced myself from her and made a point of saying I had no intention of beings friends with her. Part of this was to feel like I could punish her in some way, because she asked to be friends, but I've realized that even 6 months later it hurts to see her, so being friends truly wouldn't have been a good idea anyway.

I think that both positions are equally loathsome: either you create distance and miss the person, feel like a prick, feel awkward and sad when you see them, or you establish a kind of fake friendship that constantly reminds you what you used to have but is no longer. It takes time. Time heals (destroys?) everything.

doo doo wrote:

Didnt read but... NO

Same here, second doo doo's response!

Hanging out with her after she dumped you is the height of desperation. You can do better; you can have some self-respect. Don't do it dawg.

Depends on your age and what you mean by dumped you.

Under 14 and over 30 get disparate responses as do 14-17, 17-21 etc.

Definately not...

"I still want to be friends" is another way of saying, I don't want to feel guilty for dumping you. It's also a way for her to hold you on the back-burner in case she wants you back after her current boyfriend doesn't work out.

It's time for you to pick yourself up by your boot-straps and move on.

Hard as hell. My girlfriend and I just broke up after 3 years. Granted, ours had been a long distance relationship for most of the last 2 years. There was no anger, just the realization that it was going nowhere, she didn't see me as the one that she wanted to marry. The hardest part for me is that I've lost my best friend.

We'll still be friends until she starts dating someone else and then I'm going to disappear from her life. It depends on how you can handle her being with someone else. I personally can't handle it.

It was great while it lasted and I honestly think that she'll look back some day and regret her decision to break up, but it was her decision and she gets to live with that. It's ultimately HER loss.

Best of luck to you. I know how tough it is.

Don't try to be friends with her now. Your best bet is to cut off all contact with her, and stop thinking that maybe things will work out eventually. Whether there is a chance they might is irrelevant. Thinking that you still have some hope will only make you miserable. It will either happen or it won't; thinking about it ruins you.

Hang out with friends and have fun meeting new girls. Dated a girl for a year-and-a-half, she broke it off, and I proceeded to dwell in my misery for a couple months. Finally decided I was being an idiot and began having one of the most fun years of my life. So don't sell yourself short. She broke up with you, for whatever reason, but she's made her choice. You need to make yours.

If you're a douche then please, be friends with her. If you want to be a man about it, then grow a pair and find a woman that likes you.

The egos on this thread area amazing. [paraphrased] "She will look back and realize what a mistake she made..." Well, that's wishful thinking and complete BS. To the dude who wrote that, dude, you could be God's gift to women for all I know, but you just aren't right for that particular woman. Get over yourself a little bit, realize that not every two people are a match regardless of how awesome you might be, and then go find a woman who is a match for you. Seriously. You continue to have that attitude that she'll see the errors of her ways and come crawling back to you, and you'll be sadly mistaken. You were apart for 2 years anyway. Geez. Go find a woman who is around.

My ex broke up with me after ~2.5 years. At first I was crushed and desperate to stay in her life in any way possible, even though she had moved on to someone else.

After two very depressed weeks I began to realize she got rid of me for all the right reasons and I completely cut myself off from her (it was VERY hard to do this but ultimately I'm very happy I did). You need to convince yourself that you're better off without her, just as she is without you.

This makes little sense and sounds horribly irrational but trust me it is the truth. I feel fortunate to have discovered this in as little time as I did, it may take you longer, but you need to repeat this to yourself EVERY time you think about her or want to speak with her. Eventually the urges will lower in frequency as she becomes less a part of your routine existence.

While you're doing this, focus on making yourself a better person. Intellectually, emotionally, physically, you name it. Treat it like running. Log your progress, push yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do and then give yourself some easy days in between. Breakups are a great time to reflect on who you are, decide if you're happy with yourself (maybe you are, in which case, disregard this paragraph) and use that to motivate change.

3 months later I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. And this is with me not having said more than 5 words to the ex in that time, even after she repeatedly tried to contact me. If you told me this would be the case right after we broke up I would have laughed and said impossible. Now I realize there was no other way.

I got lucky and made / rediscovered some amazing friends during this period which have made things infinitely easier, perhaps there are some out there that you can talk to about life (and not about your ex).

Do I still think about her from time to time? Of course. We spent three years together and deeply cared about each other for much of that period. Do I sometimes have the urge to talk to her? Definitely, but I don't ever allow myself to act on it. I took her phone number out of my phone, her screename off my buddy list, her e-mail out of my contacts, everything. I still know them all by heart but that extra 'wait a minute' thought has helped me out on a few occasions.

Ultimately if the two of you were meant to be friends you'll find a way back into each other's lives, but wait for that point when you have no question in your mind that it will only be as a friend before you let it happen.

I don't feel as if I've reached that point yet (I honestly don't know if I ever will), but I'm happy with the way my life is going, I think she is too, and ultimately that's what matters.

Good luck!