Dating a binge drinker

Is she a slutty drunk? Some chicks give better b******s when they're drunk. Don't be a glass-half-empty kinda guy.

I didn't marry her. Then again, she wasn't that hot...I dated her because I was sort of obliged to as it was a blind date that turned into an interesting 6 months.

I don't like being the dumper...being the dumpee is easier.

Go to Alanon, you need it,

What benefits come from going to Alanon? The thing is she loves to go out and have fun, which is fine, and of course the sex is good, but long term, it seems as if this is who she is, and she verbally abuses me sometimes if I don't want to go out and deal with her and her excessive drinking.

Run away ... set your PR, but run your arse off.

I am married to an alcoholic. Trust me, the drinking is hiding other latent issues that will come out over time. My wife was like that when we were dating, now she is an ugly drunk who no one wants to be around. Even worse, we have kids and it makes it all the more a problem.

Trust me.

I hate smoker, but would rather be with one than a drunk.

I did marry one. We both had a tendancy to go out and tie one on too hard and sometimes fight while heavily intoxicated. Other than the rare fight, she is cool as hell, and since we married and both started full time jobs our time to go out hard has decreased, as have the fights. It's your choice as to whether to deal with it. If only she likes going out and drinking a lot, while you don't, that seems like it wouldn't be worth it.

And no, I doubt she will change a lot - it's hard to take the "party" out of a party girl.

I did not marry her wrote:

I don't like being the dumper...being the dumpee is easier.

Yea, I'm 8-0 now in serious relationships. I'm hoping to get dumped sometime, maybe next time.

Thanks for the advice guys. I guess I tend to think that mike-old-fart may have a typical experience, and perhaps short term pain now would avoid long drawn out misery with a heavy drinker, party girl type. On the other hand, you never know for sure.

As somebody who was a binge drinker (there is another name for it BTW), you are getting into a load of probelms. You will not save her.

She is angry, which indicates she is unhappy. Until she tries to figure out why she is unhappy, this will persist.

Stopping drinking wont help her figure this out, but it will stop her from killing herself. Thats one of the things that sucks about stopping drinking - your problems do not magically disappear. that is why people "fall off".

You cannot save her. Do not even try.

How old is she? A lot of people who binge drink from 18-25 start to naturally slow down as they get older.

Every Friday and Saturday used to be blackout drunk and full of debauchery for me. Now at 28 half my weekend nights I don't drink, and the other half I'll have 2-6 beers with friends and am home by 1 am. Occasionally we'll still have a big party, but it's down to a few times per year - New Year's, St. Patty's Day, etc.

So - is your girl closer to 23 or 33? If it's 33, that's a problem. 23, she may grow out of it.

She's actually in her early 30s as you alluded to, and I do feel that I love her, but then I wonder why I love a woman who has these problems, and my mother has a mental illness, and so I'm not sure if there is a connection. She is a great woman, but her drinking is both exciting and scary, and maybe my biggest concern is that if I ever mention resentment of her drinking it causes a huge fight, and she says her drinking isn't a problem.

cut and run cowboy.

Thanks, guys, I shall attempt to deal with the pain, but of course the pain is there now anyway, and I know some might say you're a fool to ask advice on this board, but you guys have been helpful. I am impressed with your responses, and actually slightly surprised.

Since you mentioned that she is in her 30's and still doing this, then I would bail out. In my earlier post I was for some reason under the impression that you were closer to college age.

I agree with the earlier post that said people will grow out of it around 25 to late 20's. If she is in her 30's and attractive, somewhat smart, good in bed, etc... and is still doing this, chances are it has been a problem before and as another poster said, she doesn't like herself too much - and that's not your problem, even if you do love her.

B******, did they censor B******? b******* B****** B******

And don't forget: drunks age terribly. She'll look hideous in a couple decades. You're better off getting a cute sober lady who will look [relatively] young forever. She can also be your designated driver. It's the sweet life!

ciwpp wrote:

She's actually in her early 30s as you alluded to, and I do feel that I love her, but then I wonder why I love a woman who has these problems, and my mother has a mental illness, and so I'm not sure if there is a connection. She is a great woman, but her drinking is both exciting and scary, and maybe my biggest concern is that if I ever mention resentment of her drinking it causes a huge fight, and she says her drinking isn't a problem.

Binge drinking while in college is sort of funny (unless you drink yourself to death or the death or injury of another),and a right of passage, but once you get into the real world, getting drunk with any regularity is lame big time. I didn't read all the posts, so perhaps this has been mentioned, but if she's college age, just continue dating her if you want and see how she changes post college. If she's past college and still drinks like that, then either have a serious talk with her (as in "sweetheart, I'd like to marry you, but I won't if this drinking continues"), or just cut bait and walk away. Adult drunks lead very sad lives. No need to be a part of that.

next time she verbally abuses you, make it clear to her that you will leave her the next time she does it. Explain to her you are fine with her partying and drinking, but that there is a clear line she can't step over. If she does- you will be out of the relationship.

You need to have the upper hand in the relationship, don't get pushed around like a puppy by her. You need to be in the superior position, even if that means risking a break-up. Hey, it's worth the risk.

Many people here are big drinkers, as evidenced by many previous posts.