| Jim Slim |
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Can't recall too many times that I got out of control or anything, but do recall 2 out of character instances. 1. I do remember (sorta), that one of my friends gave me a xanax one night and we proceeded to start pounding beers. The next memory I have is it being the middle of the night and we were on some random road (no idea where) attempting to smash mailboxes. Not with a bat or anything fancy, actually getting out and punching, kicking, pulling. I think we messed a couple up good, but cut my hands up pretty good. It probably would have kept going on until we saw headlights in the distance and I attempted to run back to the car, but tripped and fell in the street cutting myself up even moreso. Since I'm here now, I'm assuming we made it home. 2. This isn't as fun a story, but was hanging out at a friends house, real low-key night. I hadn't drank in a couple months and was mixing vodka and OJ. On my third glass someone commented how strong it was and I wasn't even tasting it. That should have been a clear-cut clue, but I kept on drinking. Next thing I know there's a trashpail being thrown in my face just in time for me to puke in front of everyone. Fortunately a friend drove me and my car home that night. When I did get home, I tried taking a shower, but after laying on the floor and listening to the water for a minute I decided was too messed up. Stumbled down to my room, naked, and lied down on the floor. It was at that moment that I realized I needed to take a dump, but was way too weak to make it back to the toilet. So I summoned up all my strength and cunning, hoisted myself up over my garbage pail and let it all go. Not sure what I did with the bag... It was a pretty low point. |
| I leave no name. |
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Went out drinking with some friends one winter and decided to walk to my girlfriend's house from the bar. She lived with three other people in this older, two-story house. I banged on the door for God knows how long until she came down. When we got into bed, I couldn't stop singing Meatloaf songs (I was ripped, obviously). I woke up the entire house with my awesome music, as I learned the next morning. At any rate, I had dated this girl for 4.5 years and according to her, when she broke up with me two weeks later, it was that night singing Meatloaf songs where she realized that I would never grow up and she needed to end it. I went down to the bar with a group of guys I really didn't know too well that were staying at our house for the weekend. They were friends with one of my roommates. I woke up the next day at 6:30 pm, missing all my classes. I didn't know what had happened in the previous 18 hours and I found that my wallet was completely devoid of cash. To the group of guys I went to the bar with, I was known as "Wild Turkey Man" for the next year or so. Apparently I had blown all my money on round after round of Wild Turkey shots and continued to puke the shots back up onto the dance floor. Which is odd, considering I've always detested Wild Turkey and dancing. At a house party of ours I told a roommate's new girlfriend that she should be careful because he has herpies. It was the truth and I really hated the guy, but it was probably not the right thing to say even when you're trying to steal your roommate's new girlfriend. Same roommate I didn't like. We were having a party and this roommate was completely out of control. My other two roommates and I decided to end his night for him so we challenged him that he couldn't bong 3 beers at once. He accepted and we filled up the bong with the three beers and about 6 shots worth of vodka. After he bonged it, I swear to God, he put on the same questioning face that Tyler Durden used when he shoots himself in the mouth in Fight Club, but instead of saying "What's that smell", my roommate said "Something wasn't right..." He was passed out inside of five minutes, pissed himself and never knew what happened. I'm still surprised he didn't die. I was at a party with a friend of mine who would do literally any woman alive. This ugly little hippie chick was all over me and I really wasn't interested. So I told her that "if you really want laid tonight, why don't you talk to my friend over there." Interestingly, they ended up dating for like 6 months. Probably the dumbest thing I've ever done is got a ride home from a friend of mine who was so drunk that he would fall asleep while we drove on the interstate and wake up and keep driving when we hit the rumble strips. That was a really, really fun night, but I still look back at that with horror. The most bizarre is probably demanding a glass of milk to chase my shot of vodka. I quickly threw up both. |
| the diceman |
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probably the lamest one yet. Thanks for sharing. |
| best of trolling |
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I don't know ... I think renaissance girl giggling on the street was lamer. |
| the diceman |
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True, but one must keep in mind that r. girl is a troll along the lines of the 430miler, just nowhere near as clever or funny [editor's note: I'm referring to the 430 in his prime- many months ago. The current ghost of 430 is embarrassing himself] |
| gorney |
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I was at a concert for a well-known jazz artist in a small venue. As soon as the performer left the stage, I drunkenly hopped up on stage, grabbed the microphone and said, "THAT WILL BE IT FOR TONIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT! PLEASE DRIVE HOME SAFELY EVERYONE! GOOD NIGHT!" |
| le major |
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Hilarious. Bd, you've got to tell the whole story here. |
| bd |
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Hilarious. Bd, you've got to tell the whole story here.[/quote] Not much to tell. I declared "deez nuts" and told the Canuck to eat a dick. Then I was taken aside, strip searched, and (in an unfortunate twist of irony) I was forced to eat a particularly burly Canadian border guard's dick. The strangest part? I enjoyed it. |
| speed goggle |
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your mom |
| in_recovery_now |
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While drunk: 1. Stole a car and eluded police, DWI #1. Got arrested and spent the night in jail. 2. Wasted years drinking instead of going to school and advancing my career. 3. DWI #2 4. Years more wasted. 5. Married the first girl that would have me (lasted 15 years). 6. Drove about 80 miles hitting speeds of up to 150mph. 7. DWI #3, stole, lied, cheated. In between the drunkeness: 1. Graduated high school. Attended college. 2. Worked and supported myself (and wife when married). 3. Completed in over 350 races—25 marathon, 5 Ironman Tris, etc. Drinking clearly did not agree with me but I could not admit defeat until I reached my own bottom. Only when I wished I would die did I finally want to be helped. Since that time forward my life has been free and rewarding. For each of us that get sober and stay sober there are many that don't and suffer terribly. It is not a joking matter. People die. It's one of the worst diseases in the world. There are plenty of elite runners and 2:08 marathoners that went on to drink or suffer from addiction. Read Dick Beardsley's book. Ever hear of Henry Rono? |
| Joran van der Sloot |
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raped and killed a girl in Aruba |
| ring a bell |
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This reminded me of the time I went to the Sea Ray Relays a few years back. Saw Anthony Famigletti take the mic while the band was on break to tell everyone where after hours were.....he got thrown out of the bar for that.
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| McCainiac |
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I voted for McCain. To that! |
| been caught b4 |
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1. pissed in my closet because i thought i was in the bathroom. laundry the next day was not much fun. 2. while being blacked out drunk, decided to smash all the cans i had drank by punching them from the top. my hands the next morning were bloody and completely swollen. 3. while at a buddies apartment, decided i wanted to get some mcdonalds which was about two miles away at 2 in the morning. didn't tell anyone this, so my buddies started looking for me when they saw i was gone. they found me around 6 am passed out in the middle of the tailgait area outside the football stadium. i never made it to mcdonalds sadly. |
| haha, YO |
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It was not rape. |
| yo yo |
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Was at a small party during the summer talking with some friends and taking a couple shots of some shitty vodka. Myself and a friend decided that we needed to go smoke and watch Jurassic Park. We ate about 2.5 boxes of mac n cheese and the last thing I remember is grabbing my towel around 1:00 am. I woke up around 5:00 am laying in my shower with cold water coming down on me. When I went back upstairs, my friend was laying on a couch, holding the dvd remote and pointing it at the tv. The T-Rex was roaring at the screen over and over again and he said, sounding very scared, "He won't stop!" I realized itw as just on the dvd menu and he had been laying there forever trying to make the T-Rex stop. Passed out. He vowed to never do that again. It's still my favorite movie to watch when smoking. |
| arrested development |
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where to start.... i have plenty but i'll post what i think is the best. first thing to know is that one of my friends and i wanted to start a band. the name for said band would be "Screaming Seagulls". a sexual innuendo for boning a girl on the beach, pulling out, dipping into the sand, and ramming back in, so she screams like a seagull. i know, right. my 21st birthday i decided to have some friends over. since i was 21 i thought it would be cool to buy some alcohol. this would turn out to be the worst decision of my life. i bought 151, goldschalger, captain, jack, and a case of the champagne of beers. I started off drinking beer, but one of my alcoholic friends showed up after i'd had three and told me i had 10 minutes to finish a pint of jager he brought with him. for some reason i agreed. i remember bits and pieces of the rest of the night but have been filled in on everything by friends. immediately after slamming the jager my roommate convinced me to get "screaming seagulls" tattoed across my asscheek. friend decided it would be a good idea as well. we now have matching ass tattoos of the hollister seagull with screaming seagull wrote around it. the only thing i remember about the tattoo is my friends slapping my ass when the artist would take a break. it bleed for 2 days. during the tattooing we were drinking 151 and goldschlager, we finished both fifths. i left my own party to go do this. everyone was there wondering where i was. after the tattoing met other friends at bar. i had to pee, so after my free birthday shots and 2 32 oz beers i stood up and pissed all over the table we were sitting at. friends payed tab and we booked. the old couple sitting next to us was not very happy. went to a new bar. took birthday shot. bartender tried to kick me out for being too drunk. convinced him i was fine and ordered a pitcher of beer. drank it all. sang "don't stop believing" in front of the entire bar. i weigh 135 lbs. pissed off a guy that was at least twice the size of me and punched me so hard in the jaw, i couldn't open for 3 days, and hurt for 3 weeks. guy punched friend in the top of head and almost knocked him out. i guess i got up after this and ran into a fence i didnt see at full speed. ribs hurt for a month. i dont think the pain ever really went away, and over a year later i still have a tightness around my heart/ribcage. gf got me home. stripped all clothes off. pissed bed immediately. threw up in bed while trying to puke in garbage can. woke up stuck to the bed in piss and puke. parents came to take me out to lunch and puked in dads brand new jeep commander. nice. |
| arrested development |
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i forgot the best part. woke up next morning wondering why ass hurt. gf and roommate just looked at me in amazement, and then gf smacked ass and it all came flooding back. |
| ring a bell |
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lets see 3 beers 1 pint of jager you and a friend drank 2 fifths of hard alcohol 64 ounces more of beer more shots pitcher of beer sure, that sounds possible for a night.
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| Brock Landers |
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