The summer after my senior year in high school I was invited by a good friend of mine to go with him and another friend to this girl's cabin. My friend who invited me was trying to get with this girl but didn't want to go alone as he didn't really know her that well and wanted us there if things didn't work out. Big mistake.
Well I got up at 6am to run, go to work from 8-12, and then we all met up for the three hour drive to this girl's cabin. Along the way we start to drink, and being tired and getting drunk doesn't really work for me. So we get there and I am pretty hammered. Much to our dismay, this girl's parents are there. She said it was cool if we drank but the whole time her parents were complete pricks to us.
So after we went boating for a couple of hours we head back to this cabin where her parents decided to stay as well. They come down and start talking to us and even though I was completely wasted by this point I could tell how big of morons her parents were. Her Mom had an IQ of 65 and her Dad looked like a burned out hippie slash Indian guy. So I start making fun of them some, but they're not really picking up on it. I start calling the Dad "Sitting Duck" and some other nonsense. And then her Dad starts telling us about this cool band he is in and how they got some shows lined up. I look to the Mom and say, "Wow, you get to sleep with a rock star tonight! Whoot whoot!" I said this making a humping motion. They both give me this utter look of disgust and walk upstairs.
I realize I need to pass out, but I also realize that this cabin was still being built. There were no beds and only an outhouse for a toilet. So I have to share a single inflatable bed with one of my friends. When they rest of the group calls it a night, I wake up and start making ridiculous jokes in front of my friend and this girl about how they should sleep together and all this shit. This girl absolutely hated me at this point.
Next morning I wake up the the Dad hammering away working on his cabin. I already had a pounding headache and this was certainly not helping out. My only saving grace was the delicious smell of waffles coming from the kitchen. So I get up and sit around waiting to be invited into the kitchen. Nope, not going to happen. The damn Mom wouldn't invite the three of us in for breakfast.
A little while later we go back onto the boat where I kept mentioning how hungry I was and that some waffles could really hit the spot. This girl didn't find this amusing at all and gave me the glare of death the whole time. Needless to say, this girl and my friend never really spoke to each other again. Luckily, my friend wasn't mad at all and thought it was pretty damn funny.
A few years ago, I went up to Penn State for Halloween weekend. I got absolutely trashed and separated from the group I was with. I couldn't find my way back to my friend's dorm, so I somehow managed to gain entry to another dorm building. I walked into a dorm room and passed out on a vacant bed.
The following morning, I wake up, look around, and have no f***ing clue where I am. There is an Asian kid asleep in the other bed (I'm guessing it's HIS room). I sneak out of the room and go to the communal bathroom, where I take a shit in one of the shower stalls (just to be a dick).
Was raising hell on a college campus in Maine with my team, me and a buddy were wandering around looking for a place to sleep. Luckily the foreign language building was open (easily broken into), so we go inside and go to the top floor where we find a teacher's lounge. We proceed to eat all the food in their fridge and use the corner of the room as our own personal urinal. Fall asleep and walk out like kings.
I'm sure there are a few that my teammates would be more than happy to elaborate on, but here are a few:
I went to a Halloween party and had a little too much to drink. I stumbled upstairs (party was in the basement) and see nothing other than a Hillary Clinton mask laying on a table. Then for some reason I decided it was a good idea to strip down to a speedo and wear the mask. Then I proceed to walk around the party in nothing but a Hillary mask and a speedo asking people for votes.
On Spring Break once I decided to celebrate Pi day (3/14). I left a message on someone's phone saying that I was celebrating by drinking a lot and that I was going to do shots of Dark Eyes until I died. I didn't, however.
Just trying to keep the thread alive as its one of the best I've seen in a while.
This Christmas I decide to go to a strip club for the first time ever after polishing off 30 jello shots, 6 vodka orange juices, and two glasses of god awful hypnotic (straight0 at my house. I end up there with a few of my buddies and my younger sister who let me drive her there. Supposedly I stopped at the atm beforehand and took out 180 dollars. At the strip club it was 12 dollars all you can drink beer. I polish of 6 pitchers while there, start peeling of 10 and 20 dollar bills on the strippers asses proclaiming "I am the king of p*ussy" out loud. Then try to get up on the stage with 5 dollar bills hanging out of my pants and grind on the strippers. I was promptly thrown out in front of the cops and then decided to drive with them watching. Somehow I didnt get pulled over (I am really d*mn lucky cause this happens alot), and drove 10 miles back home. Once home my sister tried to help me once the room started spinning and I decide to keep from puking I should get naked (very awkward). I then was told that I crawled to the bottom of the stairway to my parents bedroom and told them that I was slowly dying of cancer and that I needed help. They wake up and my dad peers down at me from the top of the stairwell and I tell him that he is a shitty fatther because he cant cure my ailments. My mom tries to drag me down the stairs by my feet while I am naked and holding my junk while trying with one hand to crawl back up. Once she gets me to the kitchen I suppossedly was told that I tried to ram my head through all the cabinets in the kitchen which were brand new and imported from italy for a price of (25,000), my dad was real happy about that one. I then puked on my mom, told her that she was responsible for it and passed out naked on the couch. I was mortified the next morning hearing this story and didnt know what to say. I had a 15 miler I was suppossed to run that day and somehow still managed 10 miles at 6 min pace while tasting the alcohol in my sweat as I ran. What a sh*t show I put on. I also run at a very good D1 school. This is not how I should be acting at 21yrs old lol.
This thread has brought out a lot of memories about how stupid I used to be
* I used to drive drunk a lot. Pull out any one of these as one of the worst things I've done. I remember ending up driving the wrong way on a busy highway one time. Good thing it was late and night and therefore empty. Also skidded my car against a dumpster pulling out from a party. Another wonderful event.
* A lot of bad/awkward hookups. Also blew it w/ a girl that I liked at the time. Found out she liked me too but ended up confessing my undying love for her while absolutely tanked out of my gourd. Didn't go over well.
* Got arrested for drunk in public while trying to walk home with my eyes closed.
* Stole a lot of road signs. Don't know why that was funny
* Smashed a beer bottle outside my dorm in anger. Someone yelled at me from a distance and I wheeled around and waited for the guy. I ran right up to him and grabbed a guy much bigger than what I was anticipating. He thought about beating my butt for a while while I maintained a tough facade. Then he let it go and I was spared a major a major whuppin
* Passed out in a girls room and then woke up to find myself heaving all over the place. I had to replace a pillow, but I was good for it.
* Set my fraternity's record for tequila shots. Don't know what the new mark was, but I know that I beat the prior record of 18. That was before the party started. My girlfriend at the time said she knew she was in for a long night when she walked in to the house and saw me w/ my shirt off chugging from a champagne bottle.
* Hooked up w/ a girl on the way to see "The Wall". We were both drunk and I practically took her shirt off in the movie. Felt like a major idiot for that.
* Freshman year of college I drank and passed out cold at a baseball team party (I wasn't on the team). Because I was passed out and puking, the guys drug me out of the dorm. When I say out, I mean down the hall, down the concrete steps and out on the sidewalk. Didn't even know what was happening. Can't say I didn't deserve it. At that same party, I was blabbing to the catcher on the team that I hit .500 in High School (More like .280)
* Stumbling around wasted one time with my girlfriend. Apparently we just went right in to the room of a guy on the swim team. This guy was incensed and wanted to beat me sideways but a buddy of mine on the swim team cooled him off. I remembered none of this. However, that same night I told that same girlfriend that she was awesome and I wanted to marry her. Probably made for a much messier breakup later.
Then you can just mold all the innumerable times I just talked crap. I must have thought I was pretty funny, romantic, and/or tough. Just diarrhea of the mouth. Amazing I didn't get arrested or pummeled more. Glad to be older and sober!
|not as think as you drunk I am|
I've been the kid that passed out, got duck taped to the floor then awoken from blissful, intoxicated slumber by a group of yelling team mates who were screaming "FIRE" while waving a flare in front of my face.
This thread needs a Win, Place, and Show.
3rd place - to Awesome for:
drunk dialed my friends mom and asked her what she was wearing.
2nd place - to and why?
woke up in a girl's bed all blurry eyed. Scanned the room to remember the night before. I focused on a chair in the room and saw my wallet.
I was surprised she was in the bed with me because I remember being locked out of her bathroom while she was in there. I rubbed my eyes and focused again on the chair and my wallet. It wasn't my wallet. I had taken a dump in the chair!
And the winner! Weak Milers
- Puked several times in dorm room toilet when I saw a huge thing floating. Thinking that I'd puked out an organ or something, I picked it up. Other guy in bathroom yells, "He's picking up his own turd!" I'd shat and forgot to flush before I puked.
That list might just be perfect. Well done.
You go to a Christian school
Similar to "WAYsted youth" I've confessed my love for a lot of girls when hooking up with them completely hammered. Things like "we should date" and bizarre stuff like that... and this is when it is beyond completely necessary because we're already hooking up.
Not even close to the dumbest thing I've done...
But I opened this thread, read a few, it brought back memories, and I am now double fisting, with the intention of getting arrested tonight. Yeah Bitch.