Penn State - Harry Groves Quotes

"you know the difference bettween a slut and a whore? a slut will have sex with you but a whore won't." - h. groves

My first meeting with Groves went like this.

"Hey Coach what is a Nittany Lion?"

His answer..

"Whats gonna knock the sh*t out of you if you dont't let me watch this f***ing race."

I didnt know whether to storm off or tell him to go to hell but I heard of his rep so I hung out there next to him till the race was over and he turned and chatted away with stories for the next 1/2 hour.

"What's my key to having a successful career? Having an ugly secretary."

"It's not going to be a Girl Scout meet, that's for sure."

-referring to an upcoming tri-meet at Princeton

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/1999/02/02-05-99tdc/02-05-99dsports-11.asp

"If you're better than the Big Ten, then you're a professional," Groves said. "The competition is so awesome, you'll crap in your pants."

http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/1999/02/02-19-99tdc/02-19-99dsports-14.asp

Huh, Mike, Groves didn't say that.

I like this one, from the same article: "If you're a sissy and you're in the Big Ten, go into another sport. There are no gifts in the Big Ten. You have to earn every point and every place."

He always claimed to be busier than "A one legged man in a kicking contest" I love Harry!!!

I remember hearing a story about a few of his runners taking the loop (campus bus) back to their apartments after a long run and him claiming, "That's like jerking off in City Hall."

Not sure what it means, but it's funny as hell...

Where was it when he said it ranked "between whale shit and the bottom of the sea"?

Harry was out on a morning run in Happy Valley and as he passed Joe Paterno's house the FB coach was taking out the garbage. "Jeez, Joe, I thought your garbage just evaporated by magic," Groves said without slowing a beat.

Another time a bunch of us went out to eat after a track clinic in Philadelphia. The Italian restaurant was packed and the maitre d' told us it would be at least a 2 hour wait. Someone pointed to Groves and said, "But that's the senior senator from Virginia." Within 10 minutes we had a table in the back room. I still call Harry "Senator" when I see him.

He had a bunch of good one liners when I saw him at the USATF meeting in Hawaii, but I can't recall them right now. Put him and Moon Mondschein in a room together (and toss in Marty Stern for good measure) and you'd have everyone rolling on the floor within 5 minutes.

For all his humor he's a shrewd observer of running. As we sat in front of the hotel watching people coming and going on their morning runs, he said "most people would benefit from taking a class in modern dance and doing gymnastics for a season. The good young guys are OK, but most people don't know how to carry their body when they run."

we're loaded for bear. in reference to running the big guns

If you had a sore throat it was because you were jerking off with the window open

If you fooled around with loose women you'd be pissing oatmeal before you knew it

It was the NC2A meet, never the NCdoubleA meet

my personal favorite "even my mother calls me Coach"

"Stemmer could run you until you dropped but had trouble spelling cat even if you spotted him the "c" and the "a" "

There are a million more, but none of them remotely "R" rated

Got this from his book on cross-country: "Victory does not come from the second wave." (During a discussion of the realities of big-meet racing.)

He was also renowned for, when a lacrosse ball strayed onto the track, picking it up and throwing it out of the stadium. Having attempted to coach track in a facility shared (at the same time) with laxers, all I could say was, "Hear,hear!"

There are too many great Groves quotes and stories for me to remember even a fraction of them at the moment. I remember one time I was at the psu track a few days before Coach Groves was supposed to receive a coaching award. He tells me about how in formal occasions like the award presentation, the best thing to do is to go up to make your acceptance speech and say something really crude just to watch people react. They don't know whether to laugh, act appalled, or just ignore the comment all together.

This mindset is what makes Coach Groves who he is. Most coaches would be scared to death to say anything that could even come across as being unPC or rude in any way. I would love to just once hear a college football coach pull out a Grovism. "So, coach, I hear a few of your guys are feeling under the weather for today's game." "Yeah, they've been jacking off with the window open."

What's the "sea of tits" quote?

I sat with Coach Groves and several other coaches at a USATF junior national meet when Melissa Price was still vaulting. His comment about her was something like:

Look at her prancing around showing her ass to the crowd

He had me in tears from laughing so much.

I can't remember the line exactly but after Practice or a meet on Saturday he was known to say, I don't want you guys out all night looking to get laid. Just find some drunk chick and take care of business.

(paraphrased and censored for decency)

My hs coach Bob Snyder told me that when Harry's kid came to practice in the late 70's he would always introduce him as his "bastard" child. you prob know why.