Ole Timer
My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 5:20PM Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
How do you deal with loser family members that you are only related to by marriage? My brother in law is a lazy bum. He's never held a job more than 2 years, and usually gets fired. This last time, he was fired in July and has been on un-employment since. He only brings home $1200 a month on that, and has a wife and 2 year old baby. The wife is working part time. I don't know how they are making it.

He told me on Thanksgiving that he turned down a $40k/year job because he wanted 10% more than that -- and they wouldn't do it. He also turned down a bank teller job because it would have been "too stressful". This guy has two 2 year degrees, very little skills or experience, but seems to think he is worth $50k a year. He's gotten terribly fat and lazy. His family goes without many things, and they have no health care for themselves or the 2 year old baby.

Today my wife confesses to me that she is thinking about giving them money. Now, we are not rich, but compared to them we are doing quite well. If he hadn't turned down two jobs, I'd be a little more understanding. But turning down a $40k a year job because you think you are worth $4k is asinine.

How the heck do you deal with "in laws" like this that are just not worth the couch space they take up all day? I'd like to pull him aside and read him the riot act, but somehow I don't think it would matter.
get a clue.
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 5:40PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
He's not your family member, your personal views are irrelevant. Support your wife and her wishes for her kin, John.
troIIometer
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 5:40PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
0.2/10
older timer
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 6:20PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I don't know what's worse, your brother in law, or and old timer who comes to a message board populated by adolescents asking for advice?
marijuologist
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 6:26PM - in reply to Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
at least he's not your brother
Ole Timer
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 6:28PM - in reply to older timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

older timer wrote:

I don't know what's worse, your brother in law, or and old timer who comes to a message board populated by adolescents asking for advice?


Since he acts like an adolescent (he's actually 28), I expect to get good advice from this crowd...

Anyway, there are just as many professional, married people on this board as there are high school kids..
you guys are nuts
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 6:31PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
He'll probably just grow out of this stage. I was like this a few years ago, and am still to a point.

Some of us would rather just do as little as we can to get by.
not a serious runner
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 7:09PM - in reply to you guys are nuts Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

you guys are nuts wrote:
Some of us would rather just do as little as we can to get by.

but if so, babies should definitely be out of the question.
hungry gnome
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 7:23PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Don't let your wife give them money. It will just enable the behavior and allow him to do nothing for a little longer. Also, if the marriage is a bad one financial problems will end things faster. I promise she will be worse off if her sister helps to lengthen a bad situation by making it easier. It is better to be supportive in what you say and let "family members" like this to bottom out financially.
kartelite
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 9:10PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Unemployment is $1200 a month??? Holy crap, I don't suppose being a poor grad student I can get in on that?
Noticer
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/24/2007 9:29PM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

Ole Timer wrote:

How do you deal with loser family members that you are only related to by marriage? My brother in law is a lazy bum. He's never held a job more than 2 years, and usually gets fired. This last time, he was fired in July and has been on un-employment since. He only brings home $1200 a month on that, and has a wife and 2 year old baby. The wife is working part time. I don't know how they are making it.

He told me on Thanksgiving that he turned down a $40k/year job because he wanted 10% more than that -- and they wouldn't do it. He also turned down a bank teller job because it would have been "too stressful". This guy has two 2 year degrees, very little skills or experience, but seems to think he is worth $50k a year. He's gotten terribly fat and lazy. His family goes without many things, and they have no health care for themselves or the 2 year old baby.

Today my wife confesses to me that she is thinking about giving them money. Now, we are not rich, but compared to them we are doing quite well. If he hadn't turned down two jobs, I'd be a little more understanding. But turning down a $40k a year job because you think you are worth $4k is asinine.

How the heck do you deal with "in laws" like this that are just not worth the couch space they take up all day? I'd like to pull him aside and read him the riot act, but somehow I don't think it would matter.


Sounds like your brother in law is a typical letsrun poster.

Aren't you worried he may see this post?
Tommy2Nuts
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/25/2007 1:06AM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
Who cares, you're humping his sister.
haha
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/25/2007 1:27AM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
And YOU are a bad-mouthing jerkoff!

Ole Timer wrote:

How do you deal with loser family members that you are only related to by marriage? My brother in law is a lazy bum. He's never held a job more than 2 years, and usually gets fired. This last time, he was fired in July and has been on un-employment since. He only brings home $1200 a month on that, and has a wife and 2 year old baby. The wife is working part time. I don't know how they are making it.

He told me on Thanksgiving that he turned down a $40k/year job because he wanted 10% more than that -- and they wouldn't do it. He also turned down a bank teller job because it would have been "too stressful". This guy has two 2 year degrees, very little skills or experience, but seems to think he is worth $50k a year. He's gotten terribly fat and lazy. His family goes without many things, and they have no health care for themselves or the 2 year old baby.

Today my wife confesses to me that she is thinking about giving them money. Now, we are not rich, but compared to them we are doing quite well. If he hadn't turned down two jobs, I'd be a little more understanding. But turning down a $40k a year job because you think you are worth $4k is asinine.

How the heck do you deal with "in laws" like this that are just not worth the couch space they take up all day? I'd like to pull him aside and read him the riot act, but somehow I don't think it would matter.
cousin eddie
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/25/2007 7:54AM - in reply to Ole Timer Reply | Return to Index | Report Post
I've got a very similar situation. The main difference is that thankfully my wife does not want to give them money. Past conversations by other relatives have not improved the situation. We pray for them and help out my wife's sister with little things like money to come and see us. Sometimes we'll pick up the tab on outings that her and my wife do together or we'll do something nice for their kids. IMHO, financial help in this situation should come when you see the person trying to pull themselves up. Also, if you do help, consider it a gift and never loan them money. You'll never see it and it will damage the relationship.
sorry you cant
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/25/2007 10:34AM - in reply to kartelite Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

kartelite wrote:

Unemployment is $1200 a month??? Holy crap, I don't suppose being a poor grad student I can get in on that?


No, you can't draw unemployment as a student.
Pauly
RE: My brother in law is a lazy bum 11/25/2007 11:33AM - in reply to cousin eddie Reply | Return to Index | Report Post

cousin eddie wrote:
We pray for them


Wishful thinking won't help his situation.