KT Perry #1 wrote:
So I don't have time to read all of this but have a question....
I have an amazing wife and we have an amazing marriage, but what in the hell do you do when she doesn't want to have sex except for maybe 2-3 times a month? We don't argue about this or anything. I make my usual attempts but do not pressure or try to persuade her if I get "The Heisman." I treat her as best as I can, and the sex we do have is amazing to say the least and she thoroughly enjoys it. Yes, women can be good at faking it, but I can obviously tell she enjoys it without having to go into much detail. So what do I do. I know "getting married was your first mistake" blah blah blah. But seriously, I KNOW marriage is not all about sex. I KNOW this. But when a man has his desires and he has to hold back so much from the one he loves unconditionally, what do you do?!?!?!?!?!!? Our marriage is perfect besides the lack of sex. Go ahead with the funny comments, I enjoy a good laugh, but would also enjoy some REAL insight.
Your post resonated with me. I've got more or less the same kind of marriage and I would have written more or less the same post as you, EXCEPT: 2-3 times a month would be great! That would be a lot more than I'm getting. How about 2-3 times every three months? That's where she and I are.
When we have sex, it's amazing. We got married late: we've been married six and a half years. I'm 52, she's almost 50. She's cute as hell, sexy, sweet, kind. I hit the jackpot. She gave me a wonderful son, who is almost five.
But: not nearly enough sex, by ANY normal calculation. She's going through menopause. She gets hot flashes. She just doesn't feel like it very often. We love each other, we get along great, there's no intrinsic tension in the relationship. What's not to like? Except the sex is....rare.
I'm a highly sexed guy. I need more. She understands this. She's concerned, too.
I've been faithful to her, if by "faithful" you mean that I haven't been with anybody else. But a guy has needs, and if by "faithful" you mean "never, ever consorts with internet porn," I'm afraid I've flagrantly violated our vows.
This concerns me. I feel as though life has thrown me a huge Zen koan: Find the woman of your dreams, the feeling is mutual, lots of pre-nuptual sex, marry her....and then: pregnancy, the first year of the new baby, and then: menopause. That's a challenge, brother. I've done my best. There is no good solution, except have compassion for all parties involved, including your wife.