All this media coverage of Landis and Gatlin is depressing -- but I agree it's certainly needed. T&F almost never gets any coverage in the sports section of my newspaper, the NY Times. Now doping in T&F/Cycling has been the lead sports story every day this past week.
I thought some doping jokes would lighten things up and get us feeling a little better. So reply with your best doping joke. I'll start with one submitted by Flooooyyyd on another letsrun thread.
"My body naturally makes synthetic testosterone." by Foyld Lindass
What if we banned musicians who dope?
"I overslept in my altitude tent" (Floyd's excuse no. 77)
Not the best but easily the biggest joke of all: "I never used performance enhancing drugs" by Marion Jones
one of my college coaches, who shall remain nameless, was a national class female middle distance runner. as the story goes, one time before some big meet like the us championships, a bunch of the competitors are in a van. everyone, that is, except one very special competitor. one of the ladies remarks aloud, "where's regina?"
and as the story goes, my coach, who shall remain nameless, replied equally aloud, "she's at the drug store."
OTHER RECENT LANDIS COMMENTS:
“It had to be the airline food.” (We can all believe this one.)
“I overslept in my altitude tent.”
“My masseuse rubbed on the wrong cream.” (Hey, if it works for Justin...)
“It had to be from excessive drinking the night before – but unfortunately I can’t remember how much I drank.” (The hangover excuse)
“I was given the wrong blood transfusion that day.” (Yes, this is no joke.)
AND FINALLY: “I should have stayed with baseball.”
Q: Did you hear that Lance Armstrong was caught by French officials with three substances banned in France?
Q: Yes! Soap, shampoo, and deodorant.
YOU'LL BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY WITH THAT JOKE!!!
Gatlin’s masseuse now admits to increasing Justin’s testosterone level, but it was done naturally – not by rubbing the cream.
Wanted top pharmacology students to work with organization studying maximum human physiological potential. Desired traits: deceit, deception, duplicity and dishonesty. Must also have ability to avoid investigators and lie under pressure. Huge bonus if required to spend time in correctional institution. Email resume to TG@SteroidCapitalUSAgroup.con.
#8 is funny..:)
Top Ten Floyd Landis Excuses
10. "High altitude in the Alps made daddy dizzy"
9. "Who can resist Balco's delicious 'spicy chipotle' flavor
8. "I was trying to impress Sheryl Crow"
7. "Uh...global warming?"
6. "The world hates Americans already, so does this really matter?"
5. "French bastards must have dosed my quiche"
4. "Wanted to give 'New York Post' excuse to run hilarious 'Fink Floyd' headline"
3. "Hulk no need excuse"
2. "Frankly, I'd rather be a disgrace than a loser"
1. "Screw you - - I'm Floyd ***damn Landis"
I am not defending or attacking any Track or cycling dopers but I recall some sportswriter calling Track "A cesspool of drug use and doping" Thsi wellmay be true but does anyone really believe that Track is dirtier than big money sports...NFL, MLB, D I COLLEGE FOOTBALL and BASKETBALL. Teh players have their unions and the the Pros (yes...that includes the college teams who are essentially pro except when paying the players). Common sense would ditact these sports are far dirtier than track because of the alrger amounts of money involved
Not long after destroying the WRs in the 100m and 200m, Flo Jo went to her doctor with a problem. She tells the doctor that she has hair on her chest.
The doctor says, "That's not unusual; many women have a little bit of hair on their chests."
Flo Jo: But doctor, I have A LOT of hair on my chest.
doctor: Hmmm. It might not be a regular occurrence, but many women do have a lot of hair on their chests.
Flo Jo: Doc, you don't understand. This hair goes all the way down to my balls.
track and field is a doping joke....
there is 2 sperate places for the juicers and clean...its the pros and the people still in college
once you run good times, nike sends you to a "training" group, you get juiced, you do well they keep you covered, you piss them off (galtin style of not racing) they ruin you
this one is actually fantastic.
Nike ruined Justin Gatlin for not racing?
As I recall--from every single one of the thousands of articles that have been written about this--Gatlin ran his WR after he gave the positive sample and only stopped racing--using a knee injury as an excuse--once he recieved news of the positive test.
Nike didn't ruin Justin Gatlin. Justin Gatlin ruined Justin Gatlin.
"As Lance said: 'If you just would used my lawyers and doctors to help with the waiver, it would have covered anything they could possibly have found in your test... not only cortisone. By the way, who on God's lovely earth came up with 'degenerative hip condition' as an excuse??? For someone competing in Tour de France??? Must have been one of the dumbest ideas in human history..." Foyld Lindass