She was once a runner

foreshadow to blog?? wrote:

http://www.bcheights.com/2.6175/track-has-high-hopes-1.926966

I think That would make the female assistant coach Amy Mortimer. The other facts seem to fit well also. BC is near a city obviously but no one takes a bus there. Could be a cover up. BCs football players fit the description of the red headed kid. The school also shuttles people back and forth to St. Elizabeths and there is a graveyard next to the school. Also BC has a dollar sysem meal plan where you pay for individual items rather than for entry.

I disagree. Sure it's about control to some extent, but from what I've seen from my daily interactions/observations of the women's team (I'm on the men's, but we're a very close group), the EDs are largely a self-image thing. The girls are always talking about so-and-so pro female track athlete or elite ncaa female athlete or the female xc conference champion and how thin she is and how small her stomach is and how thin she is. They see the success and the body-form of the top girls around the country and in the professional ranks and they want to emulate that image in hopes of also becoming as fast as them so they starve themselves. Just today, the girls were talking about how Kara Goucher is so amazing for cutting like 20lbs after being pregnant and how losing the weight and becoming thin made her fast.[/quote]

I appreciate your respectful reply. And I do agree with you to a certain extent- however, there are those who have disordered eating, which often has more to do with self image, competition with other women, etc., and those that have an eating disorder. It's not uncommon for a person with disordered eating to spiral into an eating disorder, but they are different and are based on different things.[quote]QrtrMlr wrote:

It's not brain surgery to figure out that one will get faster with the loss of weight. Looking at elite women shows that balance and sanity needs to be maintained. To run those times im sure balance is maintained. The problem lies within control. It becomes an obsession and gets out of control. They begin to lose sight of why they run in the first place and that is why these situations are so sad.

Mentally, you lose your squash and emotionally- your love for running. It's depressing.

she was once a writer wrote:

damn, i'm getting impatient waiting for the next post. i want to know about the meeting with the AD

Nice handle. Can't really blame her for taking off on a holiday weekend, but this is dragging on painfully slow.

Interesting that she is referred to a psychiatrist as opposed to a psychologist. Are they going to put her on SSRI's now (if she even follows through)?

What do you think could be done to ensure that runners heading to college now do not enter an environment like the one depicted in the blog?

anon wrote:

What do you think could be done to ensure that runners heading to college now do not enter an environment like the one depicted in the blog?

Wonderful question. I think it starts at home with the parents- they need to be held accountable for making sure their daughters are strong enough women to stand up to that kind of situation. The parents also need to know when to tell their child that enough is enough, rather than pressuring them and living through them vicariously..... And perhaps coaches who realize that typically speaking men and women need to be coached differently, not just physiologically speaking, but emotionally as well would help.

The blogger makes so much anonymous, yet LetsRun was able to decipher the team and year almost immediately. As much as this story is symbolic to so many female cross country and track teams, it definitely makes it more interesting to know this.

Agreed wrote:

The blogger makes so much anonymous, yet LetsRun was able to decipher the team and year almost immediately. As much as this story is symbolic to so many female cross country and track teams, it definitely makes it more interesting to know this.

It is LR, what'd you expect? IF anyone had something better to do they wouldn't be on here...

Exactly! I really feel for the girl when she mentions that she listed a doctor she met one time as her Emergency Contact and not her parents.

Here's some random doctor who actually gives a shit about her well-being whereas her parents don't. They clearly haven't made an attempt to help her develop a strong identity as a person Apart from Race Results.

I would say she is incredibly strong not to have fallen entirely into the grasp of an eating disorder, yet it wouldn't surprise me if that's in her future. She's certainly depressed, as I would be too, under that type of pressure, having weight scrutinized, being around/living with other unhealthy people, and essentially being a loner with no social support.

I think she's stronger than she realizes. Also, I really want to know what happens at the meeting with the athletic director!

New post up. Intersting comparison between her and the greyhounds.

newest post is great. I like that she finds someone she is able to open up to... A lot of build-up for this meeting with the AD.

I definitely related to what she said about running as an escape and a way to be alone. It was definitely that for me in high school, and it's still somewhat that way for me as an adult.

The used greyhound analogy is sad.

I took an official visit to BC around this time and my host only ate cantelope for dinner. WOW I am SO HAPPY I didn't end up going. I had a great and very healthy collegiate running experience at a different school.

I also want to point out that disordered eating is a mental illness. It is very different from deliberately dropping weight to better performance. MANY professional female (and male) runners have a racing weight they like to be at for big competitions. Most understand this weight is not sustainable. There's a big difference between this and true anorexia (which is most often coupled with body dysmorphic disorder).

I think the prevalence of eating disorders in women's running has to do with the fact that running appeals to type A personalities. I will also say that eating disorders among male runners are also very prevalent, it just isn't stigmatized like it is for women. There was actually a very sad case of it on the men's team when I was in school.

There’s been underlying themes regarding women distance runners such as eating disorders, jealously, hatred competition among teammates, and pressures in this blog. Pressures to perform, maintain a scholarship, and achieve expectations. Despite these discussions and debates, it’s important to maintain the integrity of the sport and women’s athletics. It’s important to remind ourselves that despite the rumors and true stories that follow within the deep abyss of collegiate cross country and track, there’s a lot more positives then negatives we should emphasize. My own journey through collegiate athletics started with a bang, but like many other high school stars, my stardom was short lived. However, as I reflect on my journey, I realize that a lot of the mistakes, obstacles, and struggles happened through the ways I perceived things. We set forth these high expectations within ourselves and dwell on all the negatives our coach emphasizes without reminding ourselves about all the positives. There’s no perfect coach, no perfect program, and no perfect season…obviously this team had some issues though, but I hope a glimpse of positivity can form eventually in this story. I wrote too during my collegiate years of running and I remember one season where I became so tired of running and racing because of my expectations, but looking back on it I wish I could of approached it a lot differently rather than comparing myself to my past or others.

Random passage found…

“I didn't want to put any excuses on my performance. Yes, underneath it all I was tired, really tired. But I masked it and didn't talk about it. I just kept plugging away because running was always my escape. My own time to just be me regardless of physical or emotional ailments. The last thing I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself, because in the whole scheme of things there's a lot more terrible things going on in this world or things to worry about than my running performances. It's a speck of sand in ocean water. You move on.”

Lesson learned: Who gives a crap. Just run, be yourself, and enjoy life.. And avoid the spiteful bitches.

I really relate to this woman and like her writing very much. It appears that many others do too. I am interested to see what she's writing next in her blog, however long that it takes. I'm not in any rush. Thanks to you, once a runner, for sharing with the rest of us.

She was once a runner, there is a deep sadness in that title.

There is sadness.

Even though I never was the caliber of a runner this girl was, I'm still struggling as a young adult to find and identity now that I no longer run. How do I define myself if not by running. See, it's easy to put so much stake in running performances, and then, when you can't do it anymore, there is that void.

It looks like she found writing, and that is a great thing.

She was once a runner.. What is she now?

That's a question I'm struggling with for myself.

she was once a writer wrote:She was once a runner.. What is she now?

That's a question I'm struggling with for myself.

Given that her blog is 10 years or so in retrospect, obviously she's moved on and is able to quantify her experiences in a compelling way. If she is indeed who we think she is, her Facebook page indicates that she is doing quite well, and I certainly hope she is!

How about that for the pressures female runners endure?

Agreed wrote:

The blogger makes so much anonymous, yet LetsRun was able to decipher the team and year almost immediately. As much as this story is symbolic to so many female cross country and track teams, it definitely makes it more interesting to know this.

If you think a writer can't - with a little homework - do enough research to remain anonymous you are sadly mistaken.

There is quite a lot written, and easily found on the internet, about many teams. A person could easily concoct a fiction to ensure their true reality remains unknown.

The writer appears to be intelligent so what makes anyone believe her fictional account is autobiographical and non-fiction?

Just because she has chosen to publish her writing on a blog doesn't make it true.

There are plenty of posters on Lets Run with writing ability. It would be easy for a handful of them, or just one semi-ambitious writer to create a fictional blog about, say, Flagpole.

For example: "He was once a blowhard."