Sorry if I seem a little shaky, I haven't come down yet.
If you are going on an airplane this weekend, you are not allowed to have any liquids on board and that mean you are not allowed to have an unopened box of 24 powergels, especially not the latte flavor with double caffine and 4x sodium.
I waited in line for a freaken hour for them to tell me that I was not allowed to have them on the flight. The guy said that I had to throw them away before I went through.
I told him that I spent $15 dollars on those today and I needed them for a race on Saturday.
He said no and pointed to a sign (that did not specifically say no powergel) and then pointed to the garbage can full of makeup.
I did not let him get away with this and I decided to open up every one of them right there and eat them, or drink them, or whatever.
After I had about 15 of them, I didn't feel that great and I didn't have anything to wash them down with, so my mouth felt like it was full of mud. My wife was getting pissed off at the ruckus I was creating, so I threw away the rest of them and walked the half mile to my gate and got directly on the plane without having to wait.
About five minutes later, the plane started leaving to go to the runway and I could barely concentrate while reading my Skymall magazine. My mouth was so dry that the terrorist baby's milk / explosives were started to look good.
Now I have never smoked cracked before, but I think I may have a good idea what it feels like. I could barely turn the pages of my magazing while we waited there, in the 100 degree heat, for the plane to take off. I managed to ask the flight attendent for a glass of water. She politely handed me exactly six ounces of water, and man did it hit the spot.
We fastened our seatbelts and proceeded to take off The force of two g's was way more than enough to put me over the edge, and I started getting queezy and sweating profusely. I took the barf bag out from the seat in front of me and started breathing into it. The smell of the inside of the barf bag did not help the situation.
Now I am no physicist, so I don't know if I am explaing this right. When you are accelerating and you try to throw up, it is like laying on your back and trying to throw up. It is not just going to go right into the bag. I thought I had a pretty good seal around my lips, but only half of it made it into the bag. The rest of it was, dare I say, not in the bag.
For the first time in my life, I got to press the emergency / get me a goddam flight attendent button. The girl looked at me as if to ask "Honey, why have you been eating s hit all day?" She gave me some paper towels and I cleaned up the rest of my $10 worth of powergel and sulked for the rest of the flight.
Let this be a lesson to you. Powergel is a liquid. If you are going to a race, check it though with the rest of your crap. You do not need to carry it on with you. You are not going to be 2 hours into a flight and on the verge of bonking only to have a powergel bring you back to life for 10 minutes.