Doug Lowgan announces new half-day Olympic trials schedule - Raises medal bar to 85

USATF CEO Doug Lowgan announced that he has accepted the Project Task Force Initiative Committee Think Tank 30's recommendations to shorten the Olympic trials.  In order to save athletes' money (and save the rest of us a hell of a lot of time), Lowgan has announced that all track events will start at the same time, from the same line. There will no longer be rounds or trials. Lowgan: "Yea, we're just gonna line everyone up on a waterfall and see what happens. The meet should be over in about 35 minutes when the women 10k runners finally cross the line so we can all go home."

According to the Project Task Force Initiative Committee Think Tank 30, athletes were going broke paying to compete in the olympic trials, which activity was for most the crowning achievement in their life. "It's like a wedding. Sure, it's a special day, but nobody actually goes crazy and spends a few thousand dollars just for one of the most special events of their life. Same with the olympic trials. We'll just make it as short and cheap as possible so all the runners can get on with the exciting things in their lives, like long runs."

When questioned on the feasibility of running the 100m dashers with 5k'ers, Lowgan said "It'll definitely be important to 'get out!' "